I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

I used to use an app called Blink when I was uninsured for my meds. Also see if what you’re on is covered under GoodRx.

I did receive the free gov't insurance, so I was able to get my med prescription filled today.

When things are down, they have no where to go but up. It will be better soon. When it rains, it pours but then sun always come out

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I need it!!

The whole forum loves a Have Hope

Thanks @willowtigger.

And now I am kicking myself for calling my husband and for accepting roses from him. I should not have let him come over. I should not have called him. I am weakening under all the pressure and stress of not having a job and from being alone.

The only upside right now is my mother bought me a membership to the local YMCA - I swam laps for 20 minutes yesterday - the first time in years that I have done that. And it feels good!

I have also lost 11 pounds since I was at my heaviest and when I was with my husband. I am 2 pounds away from where I was when I got married. I want to lose another 8 pounds to get down to where I was when I first met my husband.

So, I am starting to exercise now and I am losing the extra weight I put on since meeting my husband. Those are 2 good things in my life right now.

I have 2 interviews this week - one for a company I don't think would work out for me. HR in this company told me that the manager who would supervise me has super high expectations. That's exactly how it was in my last job - I failed and was let go as a result! I am terrified of this company now and of the hiring manager. And what's ironic is that he is a graduate/alumni of my college. This job is a stretch for me because it's a managerial role, supervising the Digital Marketing Lead, who likely has many years of experience in the field. I am not ready to lead a mid-career level employee. Junior employees, sure, but not mid-level.

The other company focuses on eCommerce retail customers - enterprise level - meaning that their websites are over 10,000 pages or even in the millions. This job is also a stretch for me because I have limited enterprise eCommerce experience. I have SOME, but not a LOT. They may want/need someone with a lot of that specific experience to succeed in their company.

Those are the only interviews I have at the moment - and I have one month before I need to dip into the bank loan I took out.

Can you block his number?

Good luck in the interviews

Thanks! I could, but I haven't blocked him again yet.

I cannot stop crying. I am at a loss and I am breaking down. My life is a disaster. My teeth, my health insurance, my unemployment, my lack of income, and pending divorce... I cannot take anymore! I am about to break down and contact my husband to ask him to come back. I cannot face this alone.... I am losing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have Hope please dont contact fartface, he will hurt you again

As Cher would say, "Snap out of it!"

You said earlier, you wont have to tap your bank loan for another month.

I know that having dental issues often feels worse than it really is, just because it appens to such a vulnerable part of our body. It's in your head, you cant even think straight because of it. It may hurt to breathe, let alone eat or drink. Try applying heat or cold to your cheeks.

You dont need to add HIS problems to yours. Substance use/abuse, health issues, money flying out the window.

Take a nap - it's my go-to.

I mean this with the best of intentions and I understand there is a specific dollar amount you need, but I don't think this would be a good time to apply/interview for "stretch" positions. Your confidence isn't at its peak right now.

It might be better to look for something that isn't as challenging and add to that income by working side jobs?

Thank you.

No, I don't need to add his problems to mine. That's for sure. I need these reminders!!!

Well, I just got inspired from a call with one of my best girlfriends. I may start looking into building my own clientele and business. I have enough experience to do it. I already own a domain - I just need to build a website and market it.

We shall see. It's another avenue and a good back-up plan.

And these jobs that are stretches? They contacted me, after I submitted my resume. So, while I don't have the precise and exact experience they may need, they did contact me for an interview.

No need to ask him to come back. Things not going well isn’t s good reason. What happens when you get a job, get health insurance and are in a better mental and physical shape? Will you ask him to leave again? Think long term.

Same as molinit I think that you need a job matching your skill set even if it might not be as high pay. Anyone can get any job if they interview well. The trick is to be able to do the job and keep a job. Look for a job you can for sure do. Not being paid top dollar is sadly what many of us face. I pretty much never made what I really needed to make. But you adjust. Work second job, rent or buy smaller place, move etc Looking for a job that is a “stretch” isn’t a long term solution. It will not end well

Your own business isn’t a bad idea.

Want me to research what you might be able to do from home, Have Hope, as a business?

@divine1966, No way am I taking on 2 jobs, unless it's to build a business on the side. I am exhausted after 8 hours of work. I cannot even imagine working 2 jobs. I would get a roommate before I did that. I think I can get the salary I want - I've achieved it twice now, so why not a third time? Right?

@willowtigger, thanks for the offer, very sweet of you, but I know what business I would build - it would be in my field of expertise, digital marketing. And, I know he would only just hurt me again.... which is why I cannot go back to him - ever. Your'e right.

So you expect a new job to be easier than the last two?

Arent you doing the same thing again and expecting a different result?

I think men with families get away with it because they see someone in the same circumstance (incompetent, in over their head) as them and they cover for each other, but they need women to do the actual work. The glassbowls ive worked with!

You don't change your entire career at the age of 52, after 11-13 years into a field of expertise, and only because the last 2 jobs were less than ideal. And, I have to earn a certain salary to live - sure, there are different kinds of roles I may qualify for that are related and not the same exact job I've had - and I am looking at all of them - and am applying to the ones that match my salary requirements. But I can't just up and change my entire career at this stage in life. But I would perhaps try to build a business again. That's possible.

The talk in your head is fear and anxiety. Tell the fear and anxiety to shut up. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you will not fail at finding real happiness.

Letting fear and anxiety cause you to return to unhealthier and unhappier circumstances is only going to increase your stress. You won't gain anything good.

I agree. It just anxiety and making a clean break of starting over.

That's all true except for the fear and anxiety. I wanted to return to him because I am lonely, struggling, and am going through a major transition of unemployment all alone. I wish I had a partner that I could go through this with, who would support me and cheer me on. I'm not even thinking of other men, the future, or of finding someone else eventually. It's not on my mind. I just want help, and someone to be there with me through this rough period. It's my emotions talking.

I absolutely HATE being alone. I hate it. I am studying for my interview today and I wish I had someone beside me to cheer me up and cheer me on.