I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

"im a real boy" nose then gets so long, if he turns round too quick he knocks everyone else over just with his nose

So dont stand next to him when your talking to him in case he turns round too fast

Willow, you crack me up

He told me he doesn't even use the chair! Because it reminds him of me!!

So, I could have saved that 2K, which I now need... and now, he cannot split the cost of it with me, and he won't even use the chair.

I am SO aggravated!!! Wish I had never gotten that for him.

I am sure he uses it.

You can't change the past or the choices you made. I know its frustrating. You can now use this regret to make different choices for a happier and healthier future.

Let him keep his chair, even if he's lying about using it and suffering with having it. This situation is why schadenfreude exists. You get a little pleasure knowing he may be suffering because of a chair or satisfaction in his stupidity for keeping an expensive chair and having cash flow problems. I guarantee he's glad you are having trouble. The best revenge is succeeding anyway, without him.

I know its difficult and scary right now and I know you don't want to change your lifestyle. The reality is you are doing things that may cause you harm in the future. (lying on a resume could be considered fraud and living an expensive lifestyle may keep you from having financial security). I'm not saying this to upset or hurt you, just to give you a different perspective. Ultimately, you need to make the best choices for you. If you regret some choices in the past, the only way to prevent future regrets is to see consequences of the choices you are making now.

I hope for the best for you.

In my state, lying on a resume is not a criminal offense. But it can get you fired, if they find out and if you sign anything that says everything you've stated and submitted is in truth.

I don't live an expensive lifestyle. I live by myself, as I should at the age of 52, I support myself fully and I am not an extravagant spender. These days, I've been staying home instead of going out and spending money. Where do you get that I live an expensive lifestyle? Maybe when I lived with my husband and when we went out to eat every night, but not when I am single.

I’m so sorry that he is doing this to you.

Thanks, @Buffy01. I should never have bought the chair in the 1st place. Now he got mad because I asked him to split the cost of it, after I've told him it was a gift. I understand where he's coming from, because normally, you don't ask people to split the cost of a gift after you've given it to them. BUT, this was a 2K gift, and I am desperate for the money right now. I think it's special circumstances.

I’ve never heard of people going to prison or facing legal charges for lying on a resume. It’s just not a good plan in general because eventually truth always comes up in the fact that a person can’t do the job they say they can, so they get fired or have to quit. The way I see it as you don’t have to have a good memory if you don’t lie. Just say what it is. If you lie, you have to have a good memory to memorize the lies or you have to study it. I don’t have a good memory and being trilingual I have three languages running in my head no way no how I can remember anything. I can’t remember what really happen so no way I can memorize anything that didn’t happen.

But no no one goes to jail for lying. I am on interviewing committee in my work place. Some people do lie. We always find out. Usually it’s visible on the interview but sometimes a little research is needed. So they don’t get a job anyways. If you interview a lot of people, you spot lies easy.

But some subjective opinions aren’t really lies I guess?

I don’t think Hope said she lies. I think it was maybe like wording it differently? We have somebody now in support position who said she is a great team player. If by team player she meant “meddling busy body and gossip” then maybe. Lol but she thinks it’s a team player. That’s subjective. Not really a lie per se.

I don’t know about expensive life style. I am not the one to judge people spending money. I think it’s all a choice. I am a big time spender and like some pricey things. No interest in changing that. I know I probably should. But that means I need to stop enjoying things. Life is too short for that.

I really don't know what else to do. I did not lie about any of the work responsibilities that I carried. All of those are in truth. I lied about the achievements, because I had none from that role, and I have to show something that I achieved in the year I was there.

But I don't really wish to talk about that issue in this thread. It's upsetting me more, and I feel I am really stuck between a rock and hard place because I was let go and didn't achieve much in that job - or have nothing to show for the work that I did complete.

You achieved finding content (all those articles you did) for XYZ clients and XYZ topics. You found some speedy creative ways to do those, as I recall. You created presentations, maybe they weren’t perfect but not like you didn’t do them, they were acceptable. You did a good job in a support role and that’s what you should highlight. You were on that job for a year, do they really expect major achievement in less than a year?

There has to be a way to word it to show case performance in those areas you did well. It’s not a lie to say you achieved a blah blah blah in those areas. If you have many years of successful performance, why must you focus on one year of maybe not as positive work experience. It’s almost like you have to find the way to present things in a positive light.

Also if you want to twist something, it could maybe be on the resume that isn’t public knowledge. Everyone can see everything on LinkedIn even if they don’t have an account (someone else sees it and takes a screen shot and trust me people do it). I know you said it’s upsetting but we want to help you to find creative ways to present yourself positively without out right lying. You can do it.

When you get a job, a job you can do well, everything will fall into place including personal life

My CEO just fired a marketing manager that was hired in September because he said he had experience in a particular area. It became very apparent that he lied about 3 weeks ago when he had no idea how to use the platform my company invested in at his suggestion. He signed an application before interviewing with a clause that says intentional misleading statements are considered fraud and will lead to termination and legal action if it has caused the employer any financial harm.

Your choices are yours to make. You are the one who has to live with the outcome. You're the only one with anything to risk in your choices.

I apologize for offending you with my perception of an expensive lifestyle. It seems I misinterpreted your need for a high salary to make ends meet as an indication of expensive. I didn't intend to offend you.

Can we please DROP this? I appreciate the warnings. I will consider all that you both have said about it. But I asked to drop it, and I'd like to do so - thanks!!!

I'm trying to take my own advice and stay grounded in reality.

I have to not get caught up in the fantasy of him, which is easy enough for me to do. And in being away from him for this long, it makes it easier to have abuse amnesia, when he's only exhibiting loving and supportive qualities. Abuse amnesia is a real thing. It happens to most abuse victims after they've left their abuser and once the abuser is love bombing & hoovering again, trying to win the victim back over.

My husband had to save me yesterday from -10 degree weather. My apartment temperature inside was only 57 degrees!!!! It was freezing, despite my setting the heat to 75 degrees. My apt is old and the windows and doorways are very drafty, allowing the cold to seep in.

Well, Friday and Sat were extremely cold here, so yesterday, my husband brought me free space heaters to use to warm up my apt. I needed them and didn't have the money to purchase any myself.

So, we're in touch and he's being the loving and supportive partner I want. And I am trying hard now to stay grounded in the reality of him - yeah, he's great now, but the patterns and bad behaviors will inevitably repeat themselves.

My landlord came by yesterday and we talked about it. I told him that I just cannot give this another chance, after already trying 2-3 different times. I didn't tell him that my husband is abusive. He doesn't need to know this.

Anyways, I am saying this all for myself, to come back to and re-read. I think that people who have never been in an abusive relationship have a lot of trouble understanding just how hard it is to leave, especially when they are love bombing you and showing you all their best traits.

But I have a metaphor that helps me. The two dozen roses he brought last week? They were amazingly beautiful to start with and overwhelming in a good way. Then quickly, those roses died and started drooping. I liken this to him and how he is - amazing in the beginning, but that quickly fades and changes into something else that I don't want and which needs to be thrown away.

So, I am not going to be foolish again in thinking that this time, it's truly different because it isn't any different. HIs words are just that - only words. And his actions do not back up his words - repeatedly.

I wrote in my journal at one point: How much evidence do you need to prove that he is toxic and unhealthy for you? I have plenty of evidence.

But now we're back in touch, and I am holding him at arm's length, resisting all of his advances and invitations. I am being stronger than I've been in the past.

Apartment management and landlords are legally obligated to provide I believe at least 68F (I think in some states it fluctuates but it’s never below 65) in the unit. Doesn’t matter if you have drafty windows or doors. This is the law and regulation in the US. 57 is simply against the law and is a legal matter. They must provide that. If they cannot ensure your furnace provides that, they must provide electric heaters until they fix whatever they need to fix. Not soon to be ex. Your landlord must provide. Again it’s against the law. Take pictures of a thermostat. Time stamp it. Tell your landlord that you’ll be talking to your lawyer and your doctor. Living in 57F will cause respiratory issues. It’s a major health concern.

The only way you can ensure you can move on, is to stop being in touch with your soon to be ex. As long as you are staying in touch, he’ll be right back in in few months and then you’ll be right back to lawyers a year or a few from now.

It’s like if you want to stop smoking, you won’t be buying cigarettes and looking at them. You won’t be buying snd having them around. Same here.

You don’t want to be back with your husband stop hanging out and talking and being involved with him. You don’t break addictions by surrounding yourself with substances (people or items) who are causing you problems. I know it’s hard to break addiction to an abuser but it’s twice as hard if you are having him around (talking and seeing). You make it harder by allowing him to be a constant presence in your life.

I realize this about my husband, divine, but I am weakened and am not strong enough. I can't do this. You don't understand how hard this actually is for me. I cannot emphasize this enough. I haven't even seen a single friend of mine in like two weeks. I've stayed in to save money. I'm alone, I'm scared, and I am freaking out. Please take it easy on me.

I am not going to go after my landlord about the low temperature. It has now resolved with the space heaters and is up to 69 degrees in my apt. I need to not cause waves with the landlord whatsoever. I don't need housing issues on top of unemployment and divorce.

I understand! That’s why I know how these things will go if you keep calling him with your problems. Otherwise I suggest you continue. Yo asked to help you to resist going back to your husband.

I don’t think you should sue your lawyer if they just needed a day to fix it. It sounded as your only option is to rely on your husband. I thought they refuse to help so you were forced to summon your soon to be ex. When I rented I had furnace problem for a day and they provided heater. I guess I didn’t understand why you asked soon to be ex. He was just broke and had to borrow money and now he is buying heaters.

Well I am glad your heat fixed up. I don’t like it hot at home by 57 isn’t manageable

Yes, you're right - resist going back to him, meaning trying again at our relationship, which i AM resisting. I am relying on him right now as a friend, and have told him on no uncertain terms that we're NOT getting back together.

I understand it's a slippery slope, and here I am again, needing help from him. But that's as far as I will take it. My landlord is a slumlord and never would have offered me space heaters. I had no one else to call.

I completely understand how you are feeling. Hang in there. “in every pot hole there is hope” - Steve Martin Mixed Nuts

Thank you for your understanding!!

Have Hope is a amazing lady

Your welcome

Great advice

Thank you, my dear.