Hurts so much i can barely breath

Have you ever been in a relationship where you can literally feel a paun in your chests and then come the tears. How can one just switch off, i can not be hurting like this anymore. The smallest things set him off and living with his mom in the same house is not making it any easier. I can never do anything right, if i go and talk to him about it he looses his mind and gets angry, how does one just switch the emotions off just to survive.

Welcome to MSF @Confused1991 - I am sorry you seem to be in a stressful relationship. My first impulse when you described your symptoms was broken heart syndrome. I know little about it except what others described to me and this website that describes similar symptoms. Broken heart syndrome - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic

Hope that helps at least to understand the situation you are in. How to deal with a relationship like that may take the help of a therapist or a support group.

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

@Confused1991

The biggest bundle of nerves in your body is your brain.

The second biggest is in your gut.

The third biggest is behind your heart.

That's why severe stress, the kind of stress when you think you are going to go out of your mind, shows up in your gut and in your chest.

I have experienced this. If you are not taking medications yet, talk to a doctor about this as a possibility. Anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds might take the edge off what you are experiencing. By calming your mind, it might help with some of these feelings.

A person can't live a normal life feeling like you are describing.

Is there any way you can access therapy? Are there phone counselling services in your country?

This forum can be a good place to talk and to NOT feel crazy for needing to talk.

I wish you peace. I really do.

RDMercer

Switching off emotions is not feasible if you are a human being.

If this is how you are made to feel, you need to take action. And leave.

Welcome! Emotional distress makes my guts swell. It's very painful for me but no tears. This is a work relationship.

The Buddhists would tell you that to suppress the emotion gives it more power. Their approach is to "sit with it" and let it disperse on its own. They make it sound so easy.

I thought of Grey Rock when I read your post quickly. That's because I thought your partner's mood was triggered by yours. But after a second reading, I'm not sure it fits in this situation.

Please try to find close neighbors you can connect with and activities outside the home. This in addition to the other suggestions.

And try to take very good care of yourself!

Some info on why this happens

Why Your Heart Hurts When You're Sad.

@SquarePegGuy

I agree with everything you’ve said.

For @Confused1991 crying is another symptom of stress.

Tears cause your body to produce hormones and brain chemicals to counteract the stress chemicals.

The stress chemicals are also are also forced out of your body in your tears.

Tears - Wikipedia

Pain in the chest and crying a lot is your body letting you know that the stress levels are maxed. When people say “stress kills” it’s true, but it happens slowly.

Get medical help if you can. Right away.

Talk to someone if you can. Talk to us on here if you can.

RDMercer

@Confused1991.

Are you ok?

Are you still around?

@RDMercer and @SquarePegGuy I'm here, I'm sorry. I just struggle alot mentally and physically I'm just drained. Everyone always say why not just leave why not just pack up, this is not as easy, i have tried the easy way out but it didn't help, it just made everything worse. Talking to anyone here would mean I'll have to stay away from the house, and how will i explain where i was without starting another fight. I have no free time of my own. The only time my heart is whole is when my kids come and visit me every second weekend, and even then sometimes i just can't stop the pain, the tears but with them its much easier to keep it in.

@CANDC - thank you for the link, i did go read up about it.

@rive - i hear you but it is not as easy as it sounds the situation im in does not allow me to just up and go.

Thank you for the advice, i will read up a little bit more on how one can handle everything without giving up to much of myself for the wrong person

"I have no free time of my own."

"Everyone always say why not just leave why not just pack up, this is not as easy, "

I think it is extremely important to empower someone who thinks they have no way out and no opportunity.

I think it is JUST AS IMPORTANT to recognize that REAL situations exist that prevent someone from leaving.

If this is truly your situation, then we need to help you find some way to get a break.

Can you wear earbuds and disassociate through music, or audio books?

Can you tell them the noise gets to you at home, and wear ear plugs sometimes?

Can you pursue a faith that gives you reason to be out of the home and doing your own thing for an hour and just go chill in a church somewhere to take a break?

Can you retreat to prayer and mediation at home to seek some peace and quiet? Will they respect you if you want to read quietly?

I get it! I understand that people have life situations that prevent them from leaving. Can we help you find SOME way to get some peace and peace of mind?

RDMercer

I listen to music alot, but the moment I'm not giving all of my attention to the people in the house then I'm the bad guy.

I read my bible and I'm trying to have more faith that everything will get better. If i say i want to go to church then i get accused of having a relationship , i tried that once that never worked.

I have a 8 to 5 job, where i can just focus on work, but my partner doesn't want me to work either and so we have a constant fight about that as well. Don't get me wrong we have good days, it is just when the fights gets so bad or my partner makes me feel like I'm doing everything wrong and not the other way around

How does your partner plan to patch the hole in income if he insists that you stop your 8-5 job? What is his proposal?

He has offered to pay me the salary but i have been down that road before and he didn't keep to his word and i really don't want to fall for the same situation again

You can tell him that you need not only salary, but also employer's part of social security taxes that will contribute to your retirement income, as well as employer's portion of the cost of benefits, plus job security which he failed to provide before. You also need to be employed so that if something happens, you can qualify for unemployment. If you live in state that provides state disability insurance, you need to pay that portion of income withholding that funds the state disability program. As you are on this mental health site, I assume that you might have mental illness, so disability protection is especially relevant. Oh, and social security taxes, both the employer's part and your part (which you would not be able to pay if your partner "employs" you unless he sets up a legitimate business for that and not just gives you cash) also fund the Social Security and Disability program from which you might have to draw if mental illness incapacitates you at some point in the future. So even financially, abstracting for a moment from the fact that the job is a respite for you, being employed is much better than receiving cash from your partner

He may not realize the full cost of employing someone in the US. It is not just the take-home dollar.

@Confused1991, it sounds as though your husband might be trying to isolate you. I've heard that this is a sign of controlling behavior, possibly leading to abusive. He certainly seems insecure.

I like what @Tart Cherry Jam wrote about the importance of work. I used to joke that I work only for the health insurance and that the money was the benefit. But with my wife's chronic health challenges, health insurance is vital to us. And the ability to retire with Social Security is a nice perk. (I'm in my early 60s).

I am in this relationship now honey. Hang in there. I don’t have any other good advice to give. My latest example…husband had an event to go to today, I told him I needed to go for my walk, I started an exercise program and wanted to be consistent. Of course he doesn’t come home until it’s dark. I am not going walking in the dark. I am not going walking in the mall by myself - I do not feel safe. I had to stay home all day with my sick adult son (AUTISM/CYSTIC FIBROSIS/EPILEPSY). Told my husband when he came home - “DO YOU EVER ONCE THINK ABOUT ME?” Then he comes home, eats leftover dinner from fridge, never cleans up after himself. He leaves half plateful of food on counter. He goes downstairs and falls asleep. Food will remain on the counter until the morning, I hope it develops a deadly bacteria and he eats it.

@Wherehaveigone26 i have never felt so much related to someone, I'm not completely in the same situation but when it comes down to the man not looking after himself I'm with you i work and when i come home i have to clean everyday, as he is very messy and it doesn't bother him on what he does, i am trying to hang in there some days are just much harder than other.

The book "Second Shift" might be relevant for you. It is an old book, but it has not lost the urgency of the message. You work your first shirt on the paid job and then come home to work your second shift. The book is about women who work two shifts, like you

I'm just here to check in on you.

I hope you're ok.

RDMercer