[champion]

My girlfriend weighs about 140ish pounds and she is about 5' 4 or 5' 5. I have never in my life been attracted to overweight women, yet she has always been for the 2 years we have been together. I liked her a lot so I stuck with her.

I decided to cross the threshold recently and I told her that I wanted her to lose weight. We switched all our food to organic and low fat. We both belong to a gym but she has not been going. She is avoidant of it and I usually find her sleeping or watching tv. I would love to work out with her and go on hikes, ride bikes, or any number of other active things.....but no luck so far.

She told me she wants me to look at her and be proud and think how beautiful she is....She IS beautiful but the weight makes that harder to see.

I don't want to sound insensitive but lately I have been thinking about other women I know who are in shape....my libido for my girlfriend is suffering badly, and things are getting serious.

What else can I do? Her diet is bad, even with the healthy food. She eats a lot, she eats late, she isnt sacrificing anything.

[nothemama8]

ohhhhh this is a touchy situation, 140 lbs at 5'5" isn't bad, maybe you should ask what attracted you to her, as for her not sacrificing anything, what are you willing to do for her, the worst thing to do is push her, instead accept and focus on healthy foods

[sunrise]

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champion said:
I would love to work out with her and go on hikes, ride bikes, or any number of other active things.....but no luck so far.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Why no luck so far? What happens when you suggest going for a bike ride or a hike? Maybe you guys just have completely different interests and enjoy different types of recreation? I think it is good you are discovering this now, as well as how important the weight issue is to you, before you get married, have kids, etc. It must hurt for your GF to realize your love for her is dependent on 15 pounds or so.

[AAAAA]

Wow….It’s really hard to formulate a supportive response here. I HOPE the reason that you are encouraging the healthy changes in your girlfriend’s lifestyle to promote good health, not merely some shallow conception of beauty.

Some people do not enjoy physical activity, and the more you nag, the more they resent it and another bag of Doritos is opened.

What is more important than your view of her is her own. She will only make changes when she wants to. A person cannot make an alcoholic or drug addict stop the abuse, even with the best of intentions, it must be the individual. The same holds true for over eating.

Out of curiosity, if she was in a car accident tomorrow and was disfigured, would you stop seeing her? If your relationship is based solely on her appearance then it isn’t going to last. My husband and I have been married for over 21 years now. When I look at him, I still see the 18 year old I started dating. In my mind he has not aged and the changes are only for the better, and none of them include any outward appearances. But I have been told he’s “hot” (hate that word, makes me think of a bubble headed Paris Hilton) on more than one occasion.

I’d like very much to give you more advice, but I’m sure this post would be removed for being unsupportive.

I'm sorry but beauty is from the inside....maybe you are blaming her weight for your losing interest....sounds quite shallow to be honest ..... you fell in love with her like this .....

just my opinion

Jin x

[KathyM]

Champion

The more you encourage her to lose weight, the more you'll reinforce in her mind she's ugly to you. That's a horrible feeling for a woman to have. Why should she have to "sacrifice" anything, just because you are attracted to thin women?

If you can't stand her appearance any longer, it may be time for you to move along and find yourself a blow-up doll. If appearance is so important to you, you are the one who may have to sacrifice substance for fluff. Beautiful women who attract a lot of men (like yourself) can be very high maintenance and think only of themselves and what you can do for them. They can also be boring when it comes to conversation.

If your woman now is a good woman inside, you don't deserve to be with her. Set her free so that she can find a good man who has the strength to find her inside beauty and take care of her needs.

Not trying to be harsh, but looks fade - it will happen to you too.

[youOme]

This is shallow and I can't be at all supportive of something so dog like and cruel.

Dude, 140 at 5'5 ain't overweight and unattractive.

[Perna]

Champion, you used "ish" pounds and do not know your girlfriend's actual weight or height, or appear to know what a healthy target is for the weight and height of a woman of your girlfriend's stature and weight. That would make me sit up and look at my own thoughts and beliefs if I did not know my significant other in such a personal way. I do not understand how one can attempt to "dictate" to another, not having the facts in the first place?

with both these last posts ....

Ever seen the film Shallow Hal??????

maybe you should watch it?

Jin x

[50guy]

5'5" and 140# Sounds hot to me. Course I like a little beef on 'em, easier to toss around without damaging or breaking 'em, {:<)

[(JD)]

I have a best girl friend who is that height and she's at 230 lbs... yet she is a doll of a friend to me. She is trying to lose the weight, but there's so much more to it than just losing it.

I admire your efforts to change food choices and such, keep to it. One healthy meal won't change anything, just like when you're thin one heavy meal won't make you fat.

I know guys aren't usually into talking indepth about problems, so maybe she needs a therapist to help her feel good about herself?

Often, therapists don't even address weight issues, but do address the self esteem instead. Once someone begins to feel good about herself, she has the motivation and energy to enact the changes that result in physical health also.

Try to see past her weight, and really make a plan to boost her ideas of herself. You probably will have to do some back peddling, since you've already made it an issue, but keep going, it's the right path imo!

....shame on you guy ......

lmao You're just as bad ........slaps guys head (gently of course)


Jin

I thought it must have been a typo.... thought you must have meant 240 lbs. Fortunately others have vented so maybe I can temper my immediate reaction of shock with some enquiry about what's really turned you off this girl.

I mean if you don't have common interests thats one thing but compromising the relationship over 15 or 20 pounds suggests to me there is something else going on.

If you are so focused on the weight issue and all of your suggestions for outings are fitness related then that will be a turn off for any girl. I love to hike and bike and run around on the soceer field but if my man were to suggest it with the intentions of it taking some weight off then I might not be so keen to put on my running shoes. You may have sabbotage your own good intentions with a lack of style and tact.

It sounds like your girlfriend my be depressed. It wouldn't surprise me if she were given how she's being given cause to think she doesn't measure up for you. A hopeless place many women find themselves in trying to please a man who may not be easy to please... who is caught up in superficial things.

What kept you together for 2 years? Perhaps focusing on those things could help you get the passions back. She deserves better from you. You are slowly breaking her spirit.

I think you posed a question on this forum that came from your heart and I'm believing you don't want to cause hurt for your girlfriend. You really need to rethink what it is that is truly bothering you about the relationship. I don't think it is about her extra weight. She deserves your honesty.

Take care.....

[youOme]

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5'5" and 140# Sounds hot to me. Course I like a little beef on 'em, easier to toss around without damaging or breaking 'em, {:<)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Haha...I think it's much sexier having this body type then being stick thin too...I've been both and my husband claims he loves my body more now then he ever has...and I'm heavier now then when he met me...2 kids later. I'm softer and warmer now.

holds hand high......put it there YOUOWEME,,,,,,high five woohooooo yeah

My ex lost interest in me when a thyroid conditions caused a dramatic weight loss. It was the beginning of the end of our relationship. He used to nag on me to sheed the 20 or 30 extra pounds I was carrying until twice that amount fell off due to illness. Not a pretty picture. I'd do anything to have those extra pounds back.

A 53 year old, 5'1" skinny woman with loose skin hanging from her bones and no boobs or booty to speak of anymore.... looks a lot older, less healthy and she is far less attractive than a 53 year old chubby woman with curves and soft bumps here and there and rosey cheeks to match her smiling disposition. I pretty much force feed myself now just to keep from loosing more weight. Never thought I'd grow up to be fighting to stay above 100 pounds.

Health yes.... vanity no!! It a matter of perspective.

I have an underactive thyroid chocolatelover.....was always slim before, but it's me that wishes I was thinner for my health.....but I would never like to be a stick insect, no direspect whatsoever, I mean by choice, my friend is so skinny but she starves herself to be like that for her partner......

Jin xxxx

[LMo]

After reading your other posts, I think there is more going on in terms of your ability to remain attracted to her than just her carrying a few extra pounds...

You're entitled to prefer a particular body type, but if that's what you want, then set her free from the burden of being with someone who feels he needs to "change" her into what he wants, and next time don't compromise on what you want. You aren't doing anyone any favors that way.

I've been in her shoes - I am 5'4" and weighed probably 125 when I first met my ex-husband. He nagged and nagged and I got myself down to 115 by working out like a fiend and completely deprived myself of anything I liked to eat. He still wasn't happy with my body and came up with all kinds of suggestion on changing the way I dressed, getting me a personal trainer to sculpt the "problem" parts, and decided that he just didn't like my body and wouldn't have sex with me for about 2 years - I think we made love maybe 4 times. Eventually he divorced me and one of the reasons he gave me is because he "deserved a thin wife". That absolutely killed me. My best wasn't good enough. My self-esteem was completely in the toilet after 6 years of trying and still failing. Now, 30 pounds heavier (actually, more than that now but I'm pregnant so let's not count that), my current husband loves me to pieces and always lets me know that I am attractive to him. Looking at pictures of myself from back then, I realized that my ex-husband DID have a thin wife! The reality is just that I wasn't what he wanted. I wish he had just told me that instead of breaking down my self-confidence over the course of 6 years. In retrospect, I didn't even look good at 115 - I'm eastern european so on me, the lack of body fat just made me look like a skeleton. Gross.

Just something to think about.

[KathyM]

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50guy said:
5'5" and 140# Sounds hot to me. Course I like a little beef on 'em, easier to toss around without damaging or breaking 'em, {:<)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

LOL 50guy - I see you're the "athletic" type

There you go, Champion. I know a LOT of men who prefer women with curves.

[salukigirl]

i agree. i was trying to think of a supportive comment but i cant. i agree with the thought of, if youre hounding her to lose weight it shouldnt be for your own pleasure, it should be so that the health risks that come along with being overweight are reduced. if you dont find her attractive and youre thinking of other women then maybe you should do her a favor and break up with her instead of making her feel ugly. youre lucky to have a girl that doesnt obsess about her body, dont turn her into one.

im 5'9'' and weigh between 155-160. to me, thats fat because i have always been super thin my whole life. but now ive accepted that no matter what, the way my body is shaped wont change so i gave up trying to be super thin.

have you ever thought that maybe its not because shes fat, maybe thats just her build? some people are built scrawny and petite and some, no matter how hard they try, will always be a little pudgy. that isnt fat and i feel like saying shame on you for ever asking your girlfriend to lose weight just to please you. you dont have her best interest in mind at all and she knows that.

there are very few women left in the world who are okay with the way they look. and i hope to god you are not taking a girl who says things like "im beautiful" and turning her into some neurotic woman like the rest of us who think were ugly and fat. embrace the fact that she is so confident and secure in herself that she doesnt need to go to all ends of the earth just to please a guy who doesnt truly like her in the first place. and if you cant see that and cant love it, then get out of the relationship. never go into a relationship trying to change someone for your own good.

[bebop]

lord have mercy! I would kill to be that weight and that height! that is perfectly normal weight for that height! come on now! I bet she is like a size 6 or 8 maybe.

[Doh2007]

Have you heard that love is blind? Making her your project isn't a loving thing to do. It's very hard to lose weight. If you can't accept her the way she is, please set her free to find someone who loves her, not who he wants her to be.

You seem like a kind person for coming here to examine your feelings. I applaud your honesty.

[MentalFloss]

Just finished the thread... I tend to agree with the opinion that your girlfriend's weight is not likely to be the real difficulty here. For one thing, it didn't seem to bother you previously. Also, unless her essential musculoskeletal build is super-tiny, or your estimates are way off, she isn't much overweight. I'm 5'2" and a solidly built 130 pounds, am considered very attractive, and get lots of attention and flirting (whether I want it or not!). Those are very similar proportions overall to your description of your girlfriend's.

So... I think what else you can do is, consider why, after 2 years, something that isn't new is suddenly a problem. What else is going on here? You note that she "isn't sacrificing anything." Is there a reason aside from weight that she should sacrifice, i.e., do you perceive her as selfish generally? Or as having some other character flaw? Obviously these notions are total shots in the dark, I just hope they may be food for thought.

Good luck with this.

[50guy]

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KathyM said:
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50guy said:
5'5" and 140# Sounds hot to me. Course I like a little beef on 'em, easier to toss around without damaging or breaking 'em, {:<)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

LOL 50guy - I see you're the "athletic" type

There you go, Champion. I know a LOT of men who prefer women with curves.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes, I am the athletic type. I like fit women of any weight.
If they like hiking, biking, camping and the sauna, they are good to go with me.

Don't give me any stick women, gimme some curves and something to hold onto.

[50guy]

MentalFloss, you sound HOT!!!