[Resolved]

My wife and i are currently serperated. We are working on our issues. The issue that most concerns me is that fact she says she no longer has feelings for me. Like sexual attraction or anything of that nature. I dont understand how a person just doenst feel those feelings anymore. I have tried to talk with her and find a cause to the situation. The hurt that comes when someone says they no longer love you and they are not attracted to you. What do you think I should do?

[Rhapsody]

I am sorry that you and your wife are going thru difficult times right now........ and I would like to say that as a woman I often feel unloved or unwanted when my man (my husband) no longer takes an active part in my life & personal interest..... or when he no longer talks or converses openly with me as he once did.

In other words a female may fall out of love with a man when he no longer leaves her feeling special.... this usually happens over time and with out to much recognition until one or both parties have fallen out of love.

Rule of Thumb..... Actions Speak Louder than Words.
(what have you been saying)

[AAAAA]

(((((Resolved))))) I’m so sorry that you’re going through this right now. I do believe that I have been in your wife’s position, although I must confess that I did not share that information with my husband. We were going through some tough times, and we split up for a while. We remained in contact because of our kids, but in my mind the relationship was absolutely over, no way to save it.

Part of our problem was that we married very, very young, we weren’t fully cooked yet as a friend of mine would say. Our time apart helped each of us grow and rediscover who we were. We were able to speak freely about the mistakes we made because we were only friends now. That cleared up a lot of the baggage that we had been carrying around.

We started dating each other again, SLOWLY. There was no pressure or expectation. But we fell in love all over again. That was 14 years ago, and we’re still together.

I think the fact that she’s willing to work on the relationship says a lot, if my husband would have asked me to work on things back then I would have told him no. Be patient, honest, and yourself.

[Resolved]

It's always good to hear that someone has been through the same situation I'm currently facing. Just to know that there is HOPE is very helpful. We also married very you and had our son shortly after. I have found this to be a good source of support and in site on different issues. Thanks for all of the help!

[nightbird]

i'm glad you came here, losing love, and are finding the support helpful.

i was in your shoes once also. it is to your advantage that your wife is working on the problems. it is your chance to show her the man you want to be, the one you are deep down inside.

i wish you the best. i hope you take advantage of each opportunity that presents itself to validate her, and esteem yourself worthy of her love.

peace and love,
nightbird

[TaintedGoth1]

What can you do? I mean it sounds like she doesn't love you anymore and doesn't want to be with you. You can't force her to feel something for you that she no longer feels.

I'm sorry you are in this position...I wish I could help.

[Fuzzybear]

I wish you the best, keep posting and sharing because this site is full of insightful and caring people

[AAAAA]

We had our first child shortly after we were married as well. We became his parents rather than a couple and lost ourselves for a while. I'm glad that you're trying to work it out. My own experience makes me believe that (with the exception of abuse) people give up too easily. Relationships are hard work and they're not always fun. I wish you both luck.

Post deleted by Xando

[Doh2007]

I've found that when I'm not feeling love, it's because I'm angry. When my husband and I went to a marriage counselor and learned to resolve our issues, we became much closer.

Not feeling love or sexual attraction is not a sign of a bad match. It is a sign that there are more issues to be resolved. A counselor can help your wife see from a more mature perspective. The counselor will fight for the marriage.

I'm glad you are here. I hope the power and compassion of our group will help you find alternatives and a measure of peace.

[tat2doc]

Been there, done that. Although we weren't married, it felt like we were. Then "BAM", one day it was over. Her decision not mine. Talk about a smack in the face....

Best I could do was try to move on, which is easier said then done sometimes....

Now I just put one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time. May never get back with her but have learned to never say never.

But I know what you're going through. Although it's not often easy, it'll get better with time.

[BalishBun]

im sorry you both have different feelings at the moment.

[Resolved]

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AAAAA said:
We became his parents rather than a couple and lost ourselves for a while. I'm glad that you're trying to work it out. My own experience makes me believe that (with the exception of abuse) people give up too easily. Relationships are hard work and they're not always fun. I wish you both luck.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Becoming just parents is one of our biggest concerns. We didn't even know ourselves. We both grew up really fast. She was a stay at home mom with our son from day one. I would work all day and then be dead. She would want to talk and be US... I was to tired. I have changed from these ways but at the same time she broke and no longer wanted it to be that way. But now she bartends at night. So as soon as i get off work she'll be going to work. This is very hard just in the simple case of doing everything together. To nothing. This weekend she is taking off. We are going to spend that day with our son. I'm going to play it slow and not push. This is the only thing i know to do. Right now she just wants to be friends. Yeah its hard. But its the only thing I've got. Once again thanks for the input from all.

[AAAAA]

Déjà vu. Working different shifts is so hard on a marriage, your interests change. Making time for family and yourselves is nearly impossible. I have to say that part of our personal success is that once the kids started school we both worked the same shift, in fact we worked at the same place. We were together 24/7 which might destroy some marriages, but it really worked for us.

Being friends right now is the only choice you have. Before romance can blossom you have to get to know each other again. If I can give you one piece of advice, be honest, with yourself and your wife. I know we stumbled in the beginning because he thought that spending time together was a guarantee. That lead me to believe he took me for granted. Luckily communication got us through those first few bumpy moments.

I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but many people that have been married a long time honestly believe that their partner knows what they’re thinking. Make sure that you’re on the same page.

[wounded1]

(((((((resolved)))))))))

I have fallen out out of love with my husband more than once, so I know what your wife is saying when she speaks those words. My husband and I are separated as well right now, and what I've told him all along is that if he put as much effort into being a good husband as he has put into being a good father, we probably wouldn't have the issues we have right now.

What would have saved my marriage from the brink each and every time? COMMUNICATION!!!! So often, when we were going through the rough times (we had our first son early in our marriage too, before we were done just being a couple), he would internalize his feelings rather that sharing them with me. It became a marriage of what "he" was going through, and what "I" was going through, not what "we" were going through. I tried so hard to bring him back to the friendship we once had, but he really lost his way, and started doing other things that were extremely destructive to our relationship. It hurt so much to be living with someone who had essentially became a stranger. But as anyone will tell yo, a relationship takes two people to make it work, and two people need to be doing the work. I felt like he expected me to carry the emotional weight, and not only did I fall out of love with him, I started to resent the heck out of him.

We are currently separated, but are living together because I am just about to have our third child (5 more sleeps, yay!). He is FINALLY working with a counsellor who is teaching him how to communicated better, and we are rebuilding a friendship....slowly. I don't know if our marriage can be repaired, but I know I love him and will do anything to try and help him become a better person.

Anytime you need a shoulder, please feel free to PM me. I have come to understand that it is sometimes so hard for a husband to talk to his wife about his feelings, and speaking from the love and support I've received on this site, I can say that all of us here are more than willing to listen if you wish to express yours!

Good luck to you and your wife.