[iskm12]

So I use to live in Montana and just recently moved back to Alaska and there is a good chance that I am pregent... I took three of those in store tests and they all came back positive so now I have a appointment at a doc just to make sure. I told the "would be father" what I was doing because I thought he sould know what was going on. He said he wasn't angry or upset but he sounded upset... thats understandable though. The thing is I dont want him to throw away his life just becasue of a kid, I know its his, I know he would want to do what is right, but I dont want someone to marry me just because we are having a kid and I know he would want to do that. I know I could spend the rest of my life with him but I dont want it forced in any way.... Im not worried about raising a kid on my own I can do that I have tones of help.... but I would want him to be part of the kids life...

[Junerain]

Could you extend an invitation for the would be father to please see HIS child occasionally, leave it up to him the timing he feels comfortable with? Say it is in the best interest of the child, for it is.

I think you need to take this one step at a time, calm down first of all, then go to the drs to see if you are actualy pregnant, if you are you can then sit down and talk this out with the father .....

[turquoisesea]

*agrees with Tishie, keep us posted*

If you are, talk to him hopenly if you can, figure out how he feels how you feel, dont make a decision to fast. These are importnt decisions to make, please take the time to make the "right" one.

[madisgram]

"but I would want him to be part of the kids life... "
i couldn't agree with you more. but hope for the best and be prepared for whatever takes place.
please keep us posted on how you are doing, k?

[youOme]

It's an old fashion way of thinking, getting married just because your pregnant. Two people can be together and not be married, even raise kids. Marry for the right reasons, marry for love not for responsibility....it never lasts that way.

[AAAAA]

It is possible for him to be a part of the child's life without marrying you. I don't understand what you mean by saying you don't want him to throw his life away just because of a kid. How would he throw his life away? A child is a pretty important reason for making changes in your life.

[iskm12]

Well I am pregnet I managed to squeeze in at the last minute... I talked to the father and we both agree that niether of us is at a point where we can take care of a child, and my views on adoption are negative so i would never put a child up for adoption and as for abortion I dont agree with it at all but at the same time I seem to be welcoming the idea much much more... He told me that what ever I chose to do he will support me fully well he did say that... today though he called and said I shouldnt even consider abortion because it is a selfish thing to do... Im so confused and I dont know what to do anymore, if I keep it my family will cut me out of thier life becasue they dont believe in a child being born out of wedlock and plus I would ruin their reputaion. I have a job but its very hard work with long hours and Im not really qualified to do much more, the other problem is Im not in a good town to be raising a child and the father is so far away and it would be hard for him to visit. and like i said before I dont want him to give up his chance of becoming something. Hes so smart and i want him to go to college and i have seen what children can do the friendships and relationships, I love the father with all my heart but already I see our friendship slipping from my grasp. he yelled at me for the first time and i dont even know why, all i had said was that I wanted and valued his opinion and he yelled... made me cry. i know he doenst mean to do that but it hurts and im scared....
i have a friend here a very good friend and he said that he would be willing to help me out as much as he could, he actually spent $60 on cheese for me and hes been taking me out to do things for fun like dancing and walking on the beach... but i want the father to be the one that is there for everything but i know he wont. My friend hes going to be more like the father than the actual father because hes so excited and hes usually so reckless but now hes driving slow and careful... i asked him why and he said 'im driving for three now.' my boyfriend wont be here for anything at all, he doesnt have the money to come up and visit and I cant go back to him at all. i got kicked out of that place so now im am here in this small town with few friends....

[turquoisesea]

*hugs*

Abortion is not the worst thing in the world. He left the decision to you...

You need to make a decision that is good for YOU... it sounds like you would have a lot of trouble raising a child where you are, emotionally and financially. Do consider, what it would take to raise the child, can you do that? Should do it?

If it helps, try making lists of yes and no.

First PLEASE try to make the decision for YOU. Taking EVERYTHING else out of the picture.
Then, add in outside influences. And weigh them against what you feel

sending hugs, not an easy decision, it's one I fear ever having to make

[AAAAA]

I am with sea here. You have to make the best decision you can for yourself. This is a decision that only you can make. I know we are not permitted to speak on political issues, but I am very pro-choice. All choices. Please make yourself informed on all choices out there available to you. I know that you have a negative view on adoption but these days the ball is in your court, you have so much more control over who would adopt this child, please do not dismiss it out of hand. Abortion is not selfish, if you're really not in a place that you can raise a child this is a safe alternative that will allow you to have children when you are ready for them. By the same token, I've never met anyone that was truly ready to have a child. You might surprise yourself, and discover that this accident is the best thing that could ever happen to you. Like I said, pro-choice.

This is an extremely difficult decision and not one to rush into. Being the mother of three sons, I would hope you would take the father's opinion into concideration. HOWEVER, and I cannot stress this enough, the final decision is yours. You are the one that must live with the consequences of your decision and you must do what you think is best for yourself. Making a decision based on another party would be a horrible mistake. The only person that you can depend is yourself. Circumstances change for better and worse, you may end up having more help than you imagined and you may end up doing this on your own. So if you're true to yourself, you really have made the best decision you possibly could. I wish you the best of luck and happiness.

[Junerain]

Wanted to add I am pro-choice, too, women's choices have increased to be the beauty of CHOICE what a beautiful thing!

[iskm12]

he told me to stop playing games... i dont think i am im just so damn undicieded about the whole thing im just floating in limbo... i have a good friend here who is willing to take me to the city for an abortion or if i diciede to go through with the pregnancy he said i could call him at all hours of the night if i needed something.... but all i can see is that my friend here would be more of a father to the child than the actual father. on the other hand my friend offered to stay with me last night or to have me come and stay with him at his place because ive started cutting again... my guy friend im gonna call him 'N' he told me to just do the abortion because hes worried about my well being at the moment, he knows im stressed and he knows im scared... and when these two things mix i cut.... i tried to tell my boyfriend this im going to call him 'J'... so I texted 'J' after we had talked i told him i cant keep doing this becasue it will kill me, i told him i cant stop myself anymore... he texts back what? and i told him cutting then he replies 'Im going to bed' that hurt because to me it seems like he sees me as a disposable thing just an object to be thrown away. I understand that it is his child but at the moment this child is a health risk for me... I want him to understand that before i go do anything.
i ended up asking 'N' to take me to the city lastnight i told him i want to do this thing this week and he said he would take my up friday and in the mean time im going to be staying with him just so he as he puts it 'can keep an eye on me'
i know 'J' doesnt mean to be harsh or anything i know that he loves me but he also believes that abortion is wrong well now he does since it comes down to his own child. for the first time he has made me cry... i guess this is the big test to see if we can work through this and still be strong.

[turquoisesea]

I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed that you've been cutting

a few things...

he told me to stop playing games

inappropriate, really a wrong thing to say. You're not playing games. He should NEVER have said that. I'm sorry he did.

then he replies 'Im going to bed

Again...
Your other friend N sounds like he's more there for you, and not just because he's in the area.

understand that it is his child but at the moment this child is a health risk for me

I repeat my first statement ... that you have to do what's best for YOU. I'm sorry, that I simply say this again but, a health risk is a health risk. Sad, but it's TRUE! I agree, to try to make him understand, that might be hard. In the end though you DO need to make the decision based on your needs.

i ended up asking 'N' to take me to the city lastnight i told him i want to do this thing this week and he said he would take my up friday and in the mean time im going to be staying with him just so he as he puts it 'can keep an eye on me'

I'm so glad you have someone to help you keep yourself safe.


I'm sorry all this is happening. Try to remember none of this is truly your FAULT. Things happen. This happened. Please try to stay safe, thinking of you

[AAAAA]

Who told you to stop playing games? Anyone that doesn't understand the difficulty of this decision and the process of making the decision doesn't deserve you giving him the time of day! When you're in this position it's natural to go back and forth. You have no one to answer to but yourself.

Take your time, there is no rush! There is of course a time frame involved if you still wish to concider abortion as your option. Make the appointment if this is the way you're leaning at the moment, you can always cancel it later. In the mean time, don't fret about what anyone else thinks, weigh the pro's and con's for each of your choices. If you decide to continue with your pregnancy and later decide that you really don't think you can take care of a child on your own, there is still a list a mile long of parents waiting to adopt.

I've been in your position, I know how desperate and dire the situation feels right now, but it's really not. I realize this is thee toughest decision you will ever make in your life, but remove the outside negative sources. If the father isn't willing to be supportive, don't communicate with him again until you've made a final decision.

[iskm12]

turquoisesea thank you for the support, and reassuring me that him telling me to stop playing games was wrong of him sometimes i doubt myself. 'N' is very supportive of the decisions i make and he is trying to help me to see what i can do for myself in both situations.
AAAAA 'J' is the one that told me to stop playing games... i probably will stop talking to 'J' for a little while so i can make the best decision for myself andthen yeah tell him the final decision.... thanks for the advice its been really helpful....
i will keep you all updated on what i am doing....

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by iskm12

turquoisesea thank you for the support, and reassuring me that him telling me to stop playing games was wrong of him sometimes i doubt myself. 'N' is very supportive of the decisions i make and he is trying to help me to see what i can do for myself in both situations.
AAAAA 'J' is the one that told me to stop playing games... i probably will stop talking to 'J' for a little while so i can make the best decision for myself andthen yeah tell him the final decision.... thanks for the advice its been really helpful....
i will keep you all updated on what i am doing....

(((((((((((((((((((((((iskm12)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm glad you're going to allow yourself a clear head, wishing you the best of luck and will watch for updates

,

[iskm12]

So I have made my dicision and yes my boyfriend is upset but he said he understands the delema. Im going up to the City late this evening with 'N' hes taking me for support which is nice. Im going to be getting the abortion on Friday... I think its going to be so hard to go through with. I guess Im worried that Im going to walk in and then change my mind I guess thats why 'N' is coming with me to remind me of the reasons and why I chose abortion... hes such a good friend.

[AAAAA]

Good Luck iskm12!

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by iskm12

So I have made my dicision and yes my boyfriend is upset but he said he understands the delema. Im going up to the City late this evening with 'N' hes taking me for support which is nice. Im going to be getting the abortion on Friday... I think its going to be so hard to go through with. I guess Im worried that Im going to walk in and then change my mind I guess thats why 'N' is coming with me to remind me of the reasons and why I chose abortion... hes such a good friend.

sorry didnt get to this earlier, if your read this before going, good luck, keep your head up
if after, I really hope it went well, sending you all the hugs in the world
~turquoisesea

[iskm12]

I havent gotten it yet happens this afternoon at 1pm so now im just waiting... my boyfriend says I was murdering it last night... almost hung up the phone... but he wants to know the sex of the kid because he thinks it deserves to have a name and I dont dissagree with him its just its hard.... my friend 'N' is coming with me, we arrived late into the City lastnight so Im suprised Im awake right now... Thanks for wishing me luck....

[JS1scuba]

Originally Posted by iskm12

I havent gotten it yet happens this afternoon at 1pm so now im just waiting... my boyfriend says I was murdering it last night... almost hung up the phone... but he wants to know the sex of the kid because he thinks it deserves to have a name and I dont dissagree with him its just its hard.... my friend 'N' is coming with me, we arrived late into the City lastnight so Im suprised Im awake right now... Thanks for wishing me luck....

Having lived in a time when women have choice has been a very good thing. R V Wade came about when I was in high school. It save the lives of many a girl just like you. You make your choice, then go home and take care of yourself. Get into college, make a life for yourself. When you are ready for children then you will have them. Chose your mates carefully. Stop the cutting.

People will care for you just for being you once you learn to care for yourself.

Cheers
JDS

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by iskm12

I havent gotten it yet happens this afternoon at 1pm so now im just waiting... my boyfriend says I was murdering it last night... almost hung up the phone... but he wants to know the sex of the kid because he thinks it deserves to have a name and I dont dissagree with him its just its hard.... my friend 'N' is coming with me, we arrived late into the City lastnight so Im suprised Im awake right now... Thanks for wishing me luck....

sending loads of hugs, I hope everything went ok, I'm sorry your boyfriend is making this so difficult. Please try not to think of this as murder, as it is so early into the pregnancy, you've made a choice that is yours to make and one that you NEEDED.
never EVER think that you are bad for doing this, you're just not and I want you to hear that.

sending loads of hugs, let me know how it went
~turquoisesea

[iskm12]

I cant eat... or I wont eat... I hate myself for what I have done, I killed my child, it was a boy and Ive always wanted a boy... now I know Ive lost my child but I fear that I have also lost the man I love... my friend he came with me to the clinic and I'm staying with him still and hes nice in the fact that he keeps making me food to eat but I just cant bring myself to eat at all.... I have so much anger... anger with myself, I wish that I had given myself more time to chose but the father, he wanted me to make a decision, I fear that I may have been too hasty in my choices and now I will never be able to go back.

My friend 'N' wants to get me out of the house but I prefer to sit in the dark and grieve for my loss, I prefer to feel the pain inside my soul... I know I will deal with this forever but I don't want to lose two people at once. 'J' said he would never stop talking to me, yet now he wont answer any of my calls... I don't believe that he understands how hard it is on me.... I don't know if he understands what everything is doing to me... I fear that I will make a bad decision now out of anger at myself and the fact that I no longer have his support and comfort.

When in the process of the abortion I wanted to tell them to stop, but I knew that it was too late. I wanted to tell them that I didn't want my child take from me but I didn't. I kept telling myself that this is what is right for me and for him but now it seems that I am slipping into darkness... I have lost sight on the world and what is good... I feel as though all I am now is pure EVIL and that nothing will phase me now.... WHAT HAVE I BECOME???

[Junerain]

I am so sorry for your pain you feelMost communities have healing after abortion support groups, you could google it, or therapy, therapy helps you deal with what you are feeling, as strong as it is therapy is FOR strong feelings. There may be online communities to help, too. Hugs your way

[Junerain]

I found this link, for you

http://www.afterabortion.com/