one night stands

they really hurt the next day dont they?
they hurt inside....
especially when they dont call.

i just really wanted this to turn into a relationship, cuz im totally into this guy. his personality is kick ***, he has a girlfriend of 2 months though.

i went to my fav pool hall and they all got me drunk! way drunk... couldnt really walk and this guy that i like took me back to his pace and well, you take it from there.

just so very sad today, cuz now i feel like i have been discarded.... again

Hi Cotton,

I feel for you. One night stands never, but never, worked for me.

The good news is that they are forgettable, and something better and different will come along for you. It did for me.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen.

He got you drunk so he could %#@&#! you behind his girlfriend's back and you're surprised that he hasn't called? Are you serious? I hate not being surportive on this site but wake up.

Sweetie you are way better than they are, run as far from that group as fast as possible
Angie

(((((cotton))))

SWEETY, WE HAVE ALL MADE ONE MISTAKE OR ANOTHER WHEN IT COMES TO THIS. BELEIVE ME, I KNOW IT HURTS. I DON'T THINK FOR ME IT WAS SO MUCH BECAUSE I WANTED TO CONTINUE A RELATIONSHIP AS IT WAS THE FEELING I HAD THINKING I WASN'T WANTED. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? ALSO, I THINK IT IS EASIER FOR MEN TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT WITHOUT HAVING THOSE ATTACHED FEELINGS. AS FOR WOMEN, I THINK WERE A BIT MORE EMOTIONAL. NOT THAT THAT IS A BAD THING. I DID HOWEVER, GO THROUGH A PERIOD OF TIME AFTER MY DIVORCE WHERE I WAS IN THE "HATE ALL MEN" MENTALITY AND CHOSE TO DO THE ONE NIGHT STAND THING. THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT TO WELL. ALTHOUGH IT WAS INTERESTING AS I DID RECEIVE A FEW CALLS AFTERWARDS.
I GUESS, SOMETIMES, NOT ALL THE TIME, TO GIVE INTO A ONE NIGHT STAND THERE IS ALWAYS OTHER THINGS GOING ON IN ONE'S LIFE THAT CLOUDS THEIR JUDGMENT AND DO SOMETHING THEY NORAMALLY WOULDN'T DO. I THINK THAT WAS THE CASE FOR ME. I'M SORRY YOUR FEELING DOWN, AND I HOPE THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT HIS NOT CALLING YOU, PROBABLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. IT'S PROBABLY THE FACT THAT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.

TAKE CARE AND I HOPE YOUR FEELING BETTER SOON.

I suppose this won't say much for my character -- but I've had 1-night stands where I was the user and they guy wanted to hang around like slime on fish ----- but all that was long ago in my past and I'm a different person now.

I'll say this, though, CCL, if you got the sex itch and need to get it scratched, it feels better to be the one who walks away than the one who is left. Doesn't make it right or the way I'd want to live now . . .

Hi CCL,

The only time, IMHO, that one night stand 'work' is when you are both in it just for sex. My rule; that I think works - NEVER go to bed right away with someone you care about. If you do - you destroy any posiblity of respect - not to mention that the other party will always wonder if they can trust you etc.

But try not to beat yourself up on this one - most of us have been in your boat. It is a life experience to learn from.

Many Blessings,
Lorelei

i'm so sorry cotton i know how it feels... been played many times myself.. and i don't think u should blame yourself. Like some people seem to

I agree CCL -- don't beat yourself up.

my darlin...you aren't one night stand material...that's all...move on...and consider it a lesson learned..we can't judge character from one night in the bar...(though it would be much easier if we could ha)...my wish for you is to recognize your own value..your own "preciousness" even without a romantic partner..you're obviously an extraordinary person...once you get that into your consciousness...you'll be more forgiving...for gods sake.quit beating yourself up...your only a human...ccl..please love YOU...LOVE GRACE

Jen, I'd have to agree with neri about the unsupportive comments of one of these posts. You are an amazing person and worthy of being loved and cared for. I'm sorry that you are hurting right now. Just remember that he is the one who was wrong on every level. Don't beat yourself up over this. I've learned that life never gives us what we want when we want it. Hang in there babe. I'm here for you if you need me.

Ry

i have had many one night stands ....

even though i like him, i was not planning on having sex with him, cuz he has a girlfriend.
but the alcohol had other things in mind....

but i felt bad about it cuz, i was kind of ashamed....
so the next day i went with my brother to play a game of pool there, just to show my face and let them know that i am not hiding in a corner over this.... and to basiclly talk to the owner who watched all this take place...
he wasnt there so i went back today with my mom...
today the owner was there.... (we have become buds over the last month or so and he said he wants to hire me to work weekends too)
and when i came in today (monday) it was hard to face him, but i went to the counter and ordered an energy drink....
he looked me in my eyes with a straight face and asked how i was doing and if i was ok......

i pulled him aside in a hallway, and told him i wanted to come here to see him to apologize if i made a fool of myself or his place, and he was so nice...
he was like "oh no...dont worry about it, its not your fault, that guy knew you were drunk, he shouldnt have taken advantage of you like that ..." he said im worth more than that and said some other nice things about my integrity and stuff, that im a sweet girl and that guy disrespected me by what he did....specially since he works there too, knew how drunk i was, and was all over me in front of the customers.....
the boss hugged me too, he was so sweet.

that was a huge weight off my shoulders to just go in and confront the issue, and try to resolve it... and it was a success, cuz as i was leaving tonight, he told me to come in tommorrow at 8 to work out the details of me workin there this saturday.

just glad it has been resolved with him.
the one night stand guy...
i deleted his number off my phone, and when i see him there, um, it will resolve itself somehow.....

Hi Cotton,

You have just demonstrated some real courage - I'm humbled. Instead of hiding out, feeling paranoid and whatever, you went and sorted things out.

I think that you have gained a lot of respect here, both with your friends at psych central and in 3d. You should be proud of yourself.

Cheers, Myzen.

<font color="purple">Wow, Cotton, that was really brave! I don't think I coulda done that! Wonderful! Brava! And you get extra credit for doing this when you've been in a low place recently.</font>

______________________

I'm gonna give my $.02 about a side dialog that started on this thread, even though I may go against the grain of popular wisdom. I've also carefully considered whether I will stir up needless controversy by posting this. I pray not. But sometimes I learn things about other people's points of view that benefit me when I take these tiny risks.

1. I didn't agree with poster's self-assessment that the post was not supportive. It was a truth-telling post, and sometimes we need to confront the truth head-on -- as Jen's fabulously brave actions indicate. Nothing she has learned since contradicts the general message of that post.

When we have distorted, unrealistic thinking we need to know. The logical conclusion of "post only what the speaker will find sweet" thinking is that we should never mention to someone who is hearing voices or hallucinating that they should check into a hospital right away, for fear they might be hurt that we are challenging their psychotic fantasies.

2. I think that calling someone out for a post that was short and told the truth has a chilling effect on truth-telling and authentic dialogue on the Psych Central Forums. I found my stomach lurching when I read the posts dumping on the truth-teller. Kind of a "kill the messenger" because we don't like the message thing.

This is all "to me, from my perspective." I emphasize that. I recognize and respect that other people have other sentiments about this.

Amazing courage Jen, both to confront the issue and to refuse to let it get you down. It's nice to have someone in real life tell you all the same things that we've been telling you, isn't it? To me it makes the support seem more real. I'm glad you handled it the way you did. You couldn't have done it better.

Ry

Oh, well... One night stands is my latest trend. Have you ever tried doing it like it's supposed to be done? YOU pick the guy of your choice. YOU kiss him like there was no tomorrow and then you DON'T take him home.

Honestly, it's been working great for me.

As for being taken advantage of because of the alcohol... I don't really think that this is how things happen. To me, people take advantage when other people let them.

You wanted to have that guy and you had him one way or another; maybe it should be a reason for you to celebrate, instead of lament.

Hope you didn't forget the condom. :-)

I'm not sure why you're getting cheered on about this, CCL. You know I think you're the bee's knees, but that was seriously irresponsible behavior. If you want to have a one-night stand, then that's great. But getting yourself so drunk that you can't walk (the guys didn't do it -- you did) is dangerous and stupid. Not sure how your kids would have liked to grow up without their mom because she decided to play with fire. You got lucky this time, but I'm not going to high-five you for intentionally messing around with a guy who has a girlfriend, either.

I'm as guilty as the next person for doing stupid drunk things and making mistakes, but you seem to have little regret other than that he hasn't called you and that you may have embarrassed the bar owner.

I don't want to be overly critical but there are other aspects of this story that I hope you'll consider next time.

Hope you don't hate me for speaking my mind -- I wouldn't take the time to write if I didn't care about you.

I'm weighing in here on the side of the cautionary posts. I think you took a tremendous risk by getting drunk and going home with the guy...there are several things that I wish you had taken into consideration before you got so drunk that you couldn't walk....your personal safety, an STD and your reputation....I'm glad the bar owner was supportive but I certainly hope you don't do this again. And yes, I've had one night stands...but I don't recommend them now.....xoxox

I was a party girl drunk for many years. When I look back at the times I went home with some guy I didn't know, would barely remember because I am a blackout drunk, would never see again and would not want to see again -- I thank God (and that is an authetic thanks) that I didn't wind up with my brains on someone's walls and my murder on the morning news, like the Looking for Mr. Goodbar story.

The only sense I ever showed about it was not bringing them home to my place -- because I didn't want them to ever know where I lived and show up in my life again.

nope, no regrets here...
i never regret what i do, because regret is simply self-punishing thoughts. i just firmly believe everything happens for a reason. and i also can have experiences in life to learn and grow from.....
i dont consider what i did to be a mistake... just a lapse in character... (and bipolar chicks do these things when they are manic by the way...)
and i dont need anyone to excuse my actions, cuz i am the one who will do that, and live with any consequences that may arise from it.
the drunk part is the only thing i will try to avoid in the future, because when i get started i cant stop... until someone stops me, or i simply cant swallow anymore.

and i like this guy, so i am glad we had sex....

all right. good luck to you.

i know johnshaft, you are right about what you said in your reply, for me to wake up....
i totally realize this guy is a player...
and i take responsibility for allowing myself to get too drunk.
(i need to learn how to say no to more alcohol)
he did call me by the way.. he called today (friday).
what i didnt realize is that he didnt have my number...
he asked me for it on thursday.

ive been with guys whove had girlfriends many times, and im not bothered by it.
id rather be the one he's cheating with , than the one who is being cheated on...

after 2 long years of waiting for my ex who went to the military, then deciding not to see him one last time(he called out of the clear blue after a year and a half)
i needed this...
i also know i deserve a guy who will be mine and only mine,
so maybe ill get lucky someday and that will happen.
this one is just someone fun.

good luck.....p

Hi CCL -- My intention certainly wasn't to make you feel regret or anything else that is foreign to your world view and identity. The previous was completely about me. I can't even say that &lt;i&gt;I&lt;/i&gt; regret what I did. It was the only time in my life that I cut loose from society's conventions and rebelled -- and considering that so many people in my generational cohort were part of the culture of sexual liberation and liberal drug use, in some ways my behavior was pretty "mainstream."

Nope, I too am glad that I got to enjoy my sexuality. So I guess I can say that I'm glad that I was blind to the danger I put myself in -- if I weren't, it wouldn't have been enjoyable -- but I also look back and feel glad that I survived, didn't contract a life-altering disease, and I see the restless seeking for more than pleasurable sex that also was a dimension of my behaviors.

So again, this post is about me.

Well...at least someone here is getting some action, but i don't know about the whole seeing people who are seeing people. If everyone is cool with it i say go for it, otherwise why be part of the problem. And i say "the problem" like i know what i'm talking about, but, meh, I probably don't.