Roll Call 14

That's some crazy bright beer cans. Not that I know much about beer. I'm not a big drinker really.

maybe it's a good sign your dad gave you the beer. I mean, he remembered you did the intervention even though he initially forgot. It's a sign he's trying.

I love sushi....

your right. it is. thank you for replying and thank you for putting that into my head. he is trying and im so glad.

im not a big drinker period but HEY its all beer to me at some point.

but i kinda like the weird/odd brews.

Weird is good. Better to be interesting than not. There's not a lot of weird things here. We're a Puritan state, which means liquer stores are closed on Sunday, they can only sell beer at the grocery store (no wine or hard alcohol,) and Car dealerships are also closed Sunday (which has never made sense.) So it's all Bud, Coors, and other "Name Brand" things, although here a lot of people have microbrewers, but I don't care for any of that. Beer stinks up the whole place when you're making it (my ex husbgand used to do microbrew, I hated it.)

When I have a something I like the cherry lime Smirnoff Ice things. Those are good and don't taste like alcohol too much. I have a really sensistive sense of taste. Pretty much all alcohol to me tastes like rubbing alcohol, which is why I don't really drink. Even as a wild and crazy teen I didn't drink. But, occassionally me and my husband will have screwdrivers if we have a sitter. I have only been really drunk like 3 times in my whole life.

I'm really glad your dad is thinking about his drinking. That's really, really good. I'm really happy for you because I know how important your dad is to you.

we lowered my risperdal again. im on 2mg oral now. well my cat is sick i think. hes been losing weight since October now he is really skinny and barely eating. he doesnt go outside so i dont know what it could be. im taking him to the vet tomorrow and my recovery coach is going with me in case its bad news. im really really scared.

i had a bad day yesterday. i was really depressed and crying about my cat and having no frends. i called my mom and went to her house. i feel better today. today was actually a good day. i saw T and we are meeting again tomorrow. he asked me if i wanted to meet again and i said sure. i was suprised he asked. then i went to get a coffee with a friend that i havent hung out with in a while. that was fun. i told her we should hang out more and she agreed.

things are really in the air right now. i dont have a job. my cats sick. im scared.

thanks that post meant so much to me faerie thank you.

yea im glad hes thinking about it too. we went to talk to the neighbors and they were wondering if he got hammeredd on new years. he got into talking about alcohol and admitted he didnt needed it. im glad.

idk what texas is but we have liquor stores closed on sunday too i think

my cats are fighting right now.

im gaining weight and still hearing voices and seeing things and still paranoid. oh this is just great. I JUST NEED IT LOWERED. no matter what - ill always have symptoms.

round two

I like cider more than anything. Cider is gwed stuff. Oh and hey everyone.
Update: been out of the hospital for about 1.5 months now and I'm already experiencing my depression again. Weird thoughts and everything. But I'm functional ATM.
The past three days have been really tough for me. Feeling as if I don't belong here on this planet anymore. I belong else where. Somewhere in the universe. Just not here. I dunno. Like I said I'm having weird thoughts heh :/
Hope everyone is well . And hugs to u guys if ur finding it tough ATM.

Willow you are thinking about this like the world is a fair place...it is not...the world is inherently unfair. If it were fair we would all be born beautiful and smart and grow up to have amazing lives and families with not a hint of illness ever. Because the world is unfair you have to treat it that way. In an honest world you couldn't be sectioned but the world is not honest. People lie...they often lie for what they believe to be good reasons. They will lie because they care about you. What would it take for your mom and dad to lie to your doctors? Two people with that ever handy sane stamp marked on their hands vs. whatever you say with that not so handy MI stamp? They are your parents they would lie if they thought it would save you or at least I know that mine would.
Now imagine you are at a point where you have been deemed unfit to make your own decisions thanks to your parents testimony...more ect? Maybe some injectable meds? Who knows? Maybe they'll start cutting down on your privelleges? No visitors? It doesn't matter..at this point they have already won it is only a matter of time until you break and do what they want...they have complete control. You will only leave the hospital if you become what they ask you to whether it is the truth or not. What I am saying is if you are at some point going to have to lie to save yourself by conforming to what they want then it is easier to start lying now while you aren't under constant surveillance. That's why I'm saying find something to tell the OT that might not be horrible to do. You have your doctors and your parents working to help you but if you don't accept that help they will find a way to force you to accept help and when that happens I don't think you will enjoy it. You need to protect the freedom that you have by doing some things you find unpleasant. Just think about it. If you disagree then do nothing but don't be surprised if you find yourself back in the hospital again. When your parents are saying we're worried about seeing you go to the hospital what they are really saying is we're in over our heads and thinking about calling the hospital again. Last time the second pdoc saved you but if you have a history of refusing treatment they might not be so fair next time. Think of all the people here on injectable meds who don't want to be...do you think that they wanted that to happen...refuse treatment enough and they find a way to exert control. It's only a matter of time, they will always win. The only way to beat the system is to change the system and that can't be done from the inside because they own you. Until you either are well or can feign wellness you will be forever persecuted. I suppose this could be argued to be overly dramatic but it's how I feel right now. Perhaps it's even irresponsible for me to tell you of these possibilities, maybe it's a touch paranoid. Regardless of what you choose to do I hope you start feeling better. It's 2014 start clean but don't forget the past.

Well it is the FLU! I've been so sick for the last 4 days. Terribly sick! I'm so sick of being sick and cannot wait for this thing to be over. This has been a h.e.l.l. of a way to bring in the new year!!!!

Why didn't you get a flu shot? They are recommending that everyone over the age of 6 get a flu shot this year because the circulating flu is h1n1 and hits the young pretty severely. Make sure your kids get the shot before they pick it up from you or you can get antivirals like Tamiflu for them in the first couple of days if they start having symptoms.

Hope you feel better soon!

I soooooo wish I would have gotton the flu shot! When they came to give them at work I didn't have the money to pay for it that day. I skipped it thinking I'd do it later but later never came. I regret it now! No health insurance and no money to see a doctor. This flu is terribly bad this year! I have felt very, very close to death's door. Last week I was severely depressed with suicidal thoughts. This week I was at death's door severely sick and begging God to let me live. High fever was really playing tricks on my mind but now I'm determined to get past this and to work hard at making my life better and to live in 2014!!! I told my kids they're all getting flu shots just as soon as I can drive them. I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy!

Do you think I should still get the flu shot after I'm well?

No the major flu this year is h1n1 and there isn't much else going on so you should be protected with your own immunity. I'm actually surprised you weren't protected with last years shot it had the h1n1 in it...did you get a shot last year?

I have to add my comment on meds in general.

First off there are good and bad doctors as is the case in all professions. There is a sizeable amount of people taking meds who are of the view that pdocs are power hungry , are not empathetic and feel self fufilled when wielding power and control over people. Many rightly question psychiatry's murky past and some believe that their actions were born out of , ironically , out of some sickly personality disorder. There is increduality in many , how can these doctors live with themselves. I suggest it is this , pdocs are at the cold face of psychosis, many have being burned by inexplicable actions perpetrated by people under their care , so they justify their behaviour to themselves because in many cases they don't see spiritual awakening or existential pondering , they see gross violence and homicidal behaviour. Its not a job I would envy , they probably see themselves as some kind of custodian of the peace , and in truth they have absolutely zero time for people who see psychosis as some kind of spiritual emergence. As with god, spiritualism and religion, there are a few 'miracles' and they seek to present this as a common outcome to the flock whilst ignoring all the hard luck stories and all the people who have perished.

And I say that knowing that I could too fall foul of this profession.

Yes I did have the flu shot last year. I don't think I have the h1n1. I googled it and I haven't had any vomiting. That seems to be one of the major problems with the h1n1 strain.

Now I just read a 25 page report on h1n1 and vomiting is not a major symptom! I'm so confused! Who knows what strain of flu I might have!

Well I guess the good thing is that I'm able to sit up and read this info! Yesterday I could not hold my head up for very long at all. So maybe this is a sign that I'm slowly getting better. I pray it is.

Work has been stressful lately on a social level. I've been working on a non hospice case for awhile so the patient is functioning well with all the cnas except me. The patient is always happy to see the other cnas as they use their charm and humour to brighten the patient's day. They have the ability to connect with each other, but I can't because I'm autistic and worse slow processing. I am one of the best cnas because I can handle stress well at work and do my work well, but I'm terrible at providing emotional support. I don't understand jokes, idk what to say usually, and so on. I'm scared that I might lose this case and I can't change how I understand people socially. I've been looking at other jobs, but a lot of them involve partially being a receptionist which is a big no for those with autism. I plan on talking to a college disability consular about this and figure out what a good job would be. I think I would like to be a lab assistant if possible.

@Cracking_Slowly Did you vomit shortly after eating? Do you feel a mild pain in your back? I had these symptoms a few months ago; I thought it was food intoxication, but it turns out it's an 'upgraded' version of virosis.

I just had a dream that I was in the Residential treatment facility for a month and it was horrible we did nothing at all except watch movies. they made us watch like Barney and friends. and I was locked in there with paranoid schizophrenia and an old doctor I had before and some old staff members. it just SUCKED.

Willow: I'm sorry you're feeling defeated. You've had such a rough time recently with all that happened. Don't give up. You're a smart and good person and you can get through this. You may not feel like it now, but you're much stronger than you think.

junkDNA: I'm so glad you had a nice day! That's great.

Cracking: Uhg, I hate the flu. My husband had a really bad one just before Christmas, it lasted about 6 days. Just try to rest and drink a lot of fluid. If you think you're really bad maybe call your doctor and see if you can get tamaflu.

pauly: Working in health care I think that pdocs are just like regular docs. The only difference is they decided to go into psychiatry instead of internal medicine or family practice or whatever. A lot of doctors have the god complex. A lot of doctors think what they say is what they say and non-compliant patients need are idiots who should be forced. I see a parallel all the time with diabetes in internal medicine/family practice when it comes to non-compliance. I swear if they could give me handcuffs, a badge, and a van with a cage, I'd be out driving around to patients houses dragging them in by force to see the diabetes educators. I'm not even kidding or exaggerating. I think you have to have a very specific personality type to become a doctor. Of course, there are exceptions and those exceptions are always the best doctors.

Medicalfox: Just because you don't connect with one patient doesn't mean it will be true with all patients. As a receptionist I can tell you that some people are super talkitive, some are humorous, some are always grumpy no matter what, some are just jerks, and some are shy and quiet. There are so many people and so many types of people. I don't connect with everyone who comes through our door.

But, if you really feel it will be an issue going forward, with your CNA background maybe you could go into clinical research? I would have gone into research if I could have. There are a lot of branches and levels with and without patient contact. Where I work we have a clinical research department and I so wish I could join but you require a degree. I think it's already hard to be a CNA anyway, that's a hard job.

Newtus: that's a pretty yuck dream. And the fact they made you watch Barney is kind of funny. I don't like Barney either. Haha. I'm sorry it was a bad dream. I dreamed that I was in a post-apocolyptic world scrounging some ruins for supplies. But, I also am playing that game The Last of Us so I think it had a direct effect on my dream.

Can you guys tell I can read today?

Strangely that doesn't seem too far from the reality. When I was in the hospital they just had this one big screen that was like price is right and supermarket sweep---just weird obsolete game shows that were on daytime TV. It was so boring. I find it ironic that suicidal people end up there because its like these places are actually designed to drain your will to live...