Roll Call 14

Willow you are thinking about this like the world is a fair place...it is not...the world is inherently unfair. If it were fair we would all be born beautiful and smart and grow up to have amazing lives and families with not a hint of illness ever. Because the world is unfair you have to treat it that way. In an honest world you couldn't be sectioned but the world is not honest. People lie...they often lie for what they believe to be good reasons. They will lie because they care about you. What would it take for your mom and dad to lie to your doctors? Two people with that ever handy sane stamp marked on their hands vs. whatever you say with that not so handy MI stamp? They are your parents they would lie if they thought it would save you or at least I know that mine would.
Now imagine you are at a point where you have been deemed unfit to make your own decisions thanks to your parents testimony...more ect? Maybe some injectable meds? Who knows? Maybe they'll start cutting down on your privelleges? No visitors? It doesn't matter..at this point they have already won it is only a matter of time until you break and do what they want...they have complete control. You will only leave the hospital if you become what they ask you to whether it is the truth or not. What I am saying is if you are at some point going to have to lie to save yourself by conforming to what they want then it is easier to start lying now while you aren't under constant surveillance. That's why I'm saying find something to tell the OT that might not be horrible to do. You have your doctors and your parents working to help you but if you don't accept that help they will find a way to force you to accept help and when that happens I don't think you will enjoy it. You need to protect the freedom that you have by doing some things you find unpleasant. Just think about it. If you disagree then do nothing but don't be surprised if you find yourself back in the hospital again. When your parents are saying we're worried about seeing you go to the hospital what they are really saying is we're in over our heads and thinking about calling the hospital again. Last time the second pdoc saved you but if you have a history of refusing treatment they might not be so fair next time. Think of all the people here on injectable meds who don't want to be...do you think that they wanted that to happen...refuse treatment enough and they find a way to exert control. It's only a matter of time, they will always win. The only way to beat the system is to change the system and that can't be done from the inside because they own you. Until you either are well or can feign wellness you will be forever persecuted. I suppose this could be argued to be overly dramatic but it's how I feel right now. Perhaps it's even irresponsible for me to tell you of these possibilities, maybe it's a touch paranoid. Regardless of what you choose to do I hope you start feeling better. It's 2014 start clean but don't forget the past.

im sorta afraid my antipsychotic medication is making me lazy. i dont want to be seen as lazy. my dads been callin me lazy lately.

i know.
its a miracle im not in the hospital right now.

THATS what its come down to now

Thank you Sometimes. I've thought a lot about what you wrote. I agree with you in general about how powerful psychiatry is, but I don't think it applies to me. You see they think nothing is wrong with me. They won't give me meds or ECT even when I asked for it. So I don't see why they would try to force me to do anything. I am nothing to them. I won't cancel the OT appt so I can't be seen as refusing treatment. The OT will refuse me; she was practically itching to last time I saw her anyway. No-one wants to treat me!

Also you're right about hospital sucking away your will to live, it's completely backwards! My ward had 2 tvs but daytime tv is so appalling that it was always rubbish no matter what one you watched!

@Faerie: Thanks so much for the hugs. I really need them Glad you can read today

@Cracking: Sorry you're sick I have a cold and my throat is so sore. Luckily they don't last forever. Hope you feel better soon.

*Willow*

thanks willow. i am really hurting

@Cracking_Slowly Did you vomit shortly after eating? Do you feel a mild pain in your back? I had these symptoms a few months ago; I thought it was food intoxication, but it turns out it's an 'upgraded' version of virosis.

sounds exactly like the flu CrackingSlowly

i talked to him about it. i asked how does it make him feel when i do it in his presence. he says he feels left out of "the party" or basically doing what everyone else is doing. but when i got more beer today he wanted some again.

i just dont want to feel like i cant do it caus he cant. but i feel like i have to.