Roll Call 24

I have an iPad mini. I might check it out.

Does he have experience with sz?

that i dont know. :/ but hes a clinical psychologist. so i suspect he has some.

Yes be honest. I would rather him tell you he doesn't have experience with sz and give you a referral to someone who does than for him to misunderstand your symptoms and it end badly. If he's comfortable treating sz then you may want to ask him about his policies regarding hospitalizations. That way its all upfront. Tell him about your difficulty with med.compliance and that it causes you so much trouble and u want help with that.

Let us know how it goes!

That does suck. But if he's really good and can help you, 45 min is nothin'

Bad bad day today.
I had to run the art guild on my own. Bean HAD to go to school.

While at the guild, school calls. Bean is freaking out about screaming voices she hears that are scaring her and the 6 foot shadow is back at school following her. She is crying, I cant leave the shop, I had to call her worker who had to drive 45 minutes to get her and drive another 30 minutes to bring her to the shop to be with me. My poor baby! Psychotic on clozaril???? Does this happen????

Called pdoc and actually got to talk with him. Titrating off clozaril immediately. So. She will become more psychotic as she comes off it. 6 days to come off it.
I will give her added zyprexa prn as.I expect symptoms to get worse but NO HOSPITAL! Not doing that again.

She will be out of school again indefinately.

She is not doing well tonight and because of some issues here at home, she does not feel safe. I assured her she is safe with me and I wont let anything happen to her.

My poor baby. Everything needs to stop. Too much stress. I cant take this.

I will say though, this experience is making me a stronger woman. I will not put up with things that I used to and I will speak my mind. No more BS. I will not be manipulated any more.

Those days are done so at least something good is coming out of all this.
I have no urge to waste my energy on manipulation.
Praying helps.....makes me strong.

Okay...Im rambling.

punky

im so sorry punky. i cant imagine what your dealing with.

im hearing voices

OK...you might not want to hear this right now if so please disregard....you guys have spent what 6 weeks getting her on this med and she is not up to a therapeutic dose yet...it may as well be as good as spring water if it's not in the therapeutic range. Get a blood level done on clozapine if it's not up to 400ng/ml it's below what's needed. Keep tapering up....they do it so slow with this med that it can take a full 6 months to get up to an effective level...It sucks but if you stop trying this med then that is pretty much it, you're going to be stuck with a med that's not effective and you haven't really given this one a chance to work.

That being said...I feel terrible for what is happening to you and your family right now and I did pray for you....hoping for the best outcome...

Ot was at or around 400 at discharge last Thursday.
Thats why I dont understand whats happening.

Looking at reviews on line for clozaril, About 30% dont see a marked improvement. I dont know.......thos is horrible.

Thank you sometimes, for the info.
It is always appreciated.

punky

OK...yeah I've actually seen 40-70% failure rates so it's definitely more common than we are lead to believe for this "miracle" drug. I'm so sorry this happened to you and bean...

So last night I was going through some of my dad's boxes. I found a box of files from my mom's file cabinet. In it was stuff from elementary school and I found a letter home to my mom from a teacher. It wasn't signed or dated which is too bad, I'd like to know when it was from exactly. I'm guessing it was given to my mom at a parent/teacher conference as a summary, because it wasn't folded.

But it says that I was the most creative writer in the class. Unfortunately, I had a problem with always losing my papers and not turning in assignments on time and getting my working done. And the teacher was trying to get me on track with taking responsibility for organizing myself.

This is interesting. It shows my disorganization that I have now at work existed back then, too. Trouble finishing things, and losing things, even back then... It's just interesting to see it's part of me and has been for a long time.

anyway, to everyone having a bad time.

Punky, to bean as well.

ive missed you faerie

Can't take this anymore
3 more days but it seems like its all going by so slowly...driving me out of my mind it's caged up of all the feelings I cannot express and it's making me want to explode. I hate limitatons and bounderies. Will be so glad to be back home

Anyway I can only be on this computer for 20 more minutes.
Just wanted to say hi,sorry you're having such a rough time punky. (hugging you) hope things get better,and sorry to hear about the voices newtus,Just don't listen to them.the whole reason why im in here is because i listened to my voices. stay safe everyone.Will be back when I can.

Punky

cracking did u goto DCCCD?

how is everyone today?

I'm feeling really happy today. I wish I can give my happiness to you guys. You all deserve happiness too. Heh not sure what it is but woohoo.

Meh.
You?

punky

I'm doing okay today how're you newtus?

hey so i just got off work. it was crazy and my manager is crazy too. it got really busy around 11am like wayyyy busy and i was the only cashier because the cashier that came in at 11 was lollygagging and not doing jack sh_t but talking to the self scan cashier. i was so mad. one lady asked if i wasnt feeling well today. i need to work on hiding my frustration at work. anyway i went in at 7am and got off at 2 but at noon they asked me if i could work till 5pm. WTF ARE U CRAZY HELL NO. thats 10 hours!!!!!!!!! i lied and said i had an appointment at 3pm. THEN....at 2 when im supposed to get off my replacement is a no show and doesnt answer her phone so i was stuck there working for another 15 minutes til the manager let me go. so stressful. glad to be home. trying to work out a time to meet with T cuz hes in a training all day tomm. and i work 10 to 5 friday. so i asked him if he cld meet at 8 30am on friday but he didnt respond yet. tried to see him this afternoon but hes booked all day. hope i get to meet with him on friday.

well im meeting T at 8 30am on friday. glad it worked out. but ill have to rush to get to work on time. oh well im off tomorrow saturday and monday. thank god i have days off inbetween. thought i wasnt gonna make it at work today. but i did. and im glad to be home. i cant believe they asked me to stay til 5pm. WHAT F_CK???? theyve lost it

i just saw my psychiatrist. she made my dad go in with me. now she wants him in all the time with me. ugh... i told her about wanting to choke my therapist and homicidal thoughts. she seem stunned. she asked me if i wanted an injection and i calmly as i could said "no". because i was freaking out in my head like "oh sh_t oh god no!!!".

Can she even do injections? I mean if she can it's something to consider---as long as there was a clear indication that you would manage the dose ie 50mg not 100mg or more you know. I mean it would get around the whole forgetting to take it thing. I don't think she can require your dad to go in as you are an adult but she could just refuse to treat you if you don't agree to it though. It's possible she's concerned that you will develop homicidal thoughts against her as well and wants your dad there as a buffer.