Roll Call 34

I "re-shared" her berries to the boys, and gave her some carrots. She was happy with that.

wtf man i know the police are outside my house. they are following me on internet and outside. i think they are staked out behind some trees. im scared.

im so scared that that private investigators gonna come back to my house.

what did i do now?

You may be taking more per day than what's prescribed. If they say you get 1 a day and give you 30 pills, then you'll run out in two weeks if you're taking 2 each day.

So if you need more, you may need to talk to the pdoc about that.

Do you have anyone with you? If not, can you talk to someone on the phone? Sometimes human contact can make it easier to resolve something like that.

my dads home now and i told him im scared and paranoid. he said he would help me. but we will see.

i got so paranoid of someone coming into my house last night that i almost called police on my dad. he just casually walked in the door coming home from work and i almost called police because i thought someone was breaking into the house.

Was this comment for me?

Yeah, it's been almost 2 yrs. Still waiting for a hearing.

Newtus-it sucks that the paranoia has come back. please continue taking your haldol.

Junk-I think everything will be fine. I wish u wouldn't get yourself so worked up.

Sometimes-thanks for the hugs and support.

Everyone else, take care of yourself...

I'm up again, ugh...I can't handle not getting enough sleep. I was exhausted, I slept a couple hours now I'm up. The man that did the psychological testing knew all about the abuse in this organization. He told me he tells clients, do what you have to do then get out. Then I started crying hysterically after, just thinking of all the ppl being abused in it as we speak.

Ugh...I need sleep.

i have an appt today with the clinic to see if i qualify for that northstar stuff.

feeling pissed off with people judging me when they don't know me. I think we should be aware that every judgment we make on another person, is also a judgment of ourselves and our own character.

Desiring to have a calm aura about me, but not sure it will ever happen. I would like to be a peaceful presence for those around me.

damn doctors.

I can sympathise Terabiihha.

I just got one of those e-cigs. Seems to work quite well. There is no doubt smoking is having a pretty big impact with some of my negative symptoms short term whilst waiting for my referral. Largely managing to avoid triggers for my persecutory delusions too but that might change tomorrow as I'm going back to my flat for a few days at least.

omg something really bad happened today.

What happened newtus?

I slept finally. Took a lot of doxepin though. I could still be sleep, but I don't want my sleeping schedule all messed up again.

Well I got my hair highlighted. I love it. It took almost 3 hrs though. I also got a jewelry making kit. Just something to see if I like it. Oh man I m still really tired, lol. I'm gonna have coffee see if that helps.

How is everyone doing?

look at my new thread sunshine

Sunshine, I bet your hair looks awesome! I just drank some coffee myself, I've been dragging *** all morning, hahaha!

I'm doing quite well today. I have a pdoc appointment this afternoon.

sorry for continuously posting...I'd like to say sorry sorry sorry for every little thing I do, so scared of rejection, so sorry for not being a friend, fearing friends, hyped up on caffeine at present and I wonder how crazed I sounded over the phone with therapist.

Just letting off steam. I can't seem to get myself to clean the house. Why did I tell him I was doing so much better, my head was calm, only to get off the phone and realize how completely not calm I was. I WILL be OK. Yes, I really will. One baby step at a time. Change out of pajamas, number one - it's 3:30 in the afternoon! I am not letting my husband come home to this. Man, am I hyper!

Good. I drank 2 cups and feel all shakey so I'm drinking chamomile tea, lol.

How are you feeling physically? I hope better.

Hi everyone! Been a while since I've been on here, hope you're all keeping well. Spent some time in hospital on the psych ward but out now, feeling better, increased meds and got a new job today! First time working in a year, it'll be nice to get back to the daily grind, back to normal.

ok so i met with my team. i told them i did not trust them. they seemed offended by that. other T said i looked miserable. i told them i did not drink. after that we went to see pdoc. pdoc said they shouldnt be too worried about the test. it turns out that i was only positive for ethyl sulfate. not the other 2 tests for alcohol. i told them i had been drinking a lot of grape and apple juice prior to the test. i dont know if that makes a difference. my nurse asked me if i had been eating anything really high in sugar and that was all i could think of. they said i was paranoid and needed to get my shot. pdoc said ok and i got my shot.

then i went to see my regular T. we were going to meet downtown but there is a festival going on. so we met at his office and walked around a graveyard. it was really hot outside. T was making jokes and being funny and that helped my mood. we sat down in a shaded area and talked about books tv shows and movies. he said that since i got my shot i will start to feel better. i told him i dont think it will change things. but he seemed sure that it would. so i dont know. he told me to write down the things i am experiencing so i can look at it next week and determine if they were real or not.

after i met with my reg T i went to take another drug test. im worried this one will say the same thing. my nurse said she thinks everyone believes me they just want to find out why it is giving a false positive. my nurse also said that pdoc told her he wants to put me on fetzima and take me off vybriid. but that wont happen til i am feeling better.

so a lot happened today. i havent even ate anything yet. but i am going to. i need to work on homework too. i am feeling a little better after seeing my T

He sounds like such a great therapist. I'm happy for you.

thank u sunshine. i am happy he is my T and is on my side. i just texted him and told him i am feeling better after seeing him cuz he makes me feel safe right now. he said he is glad

Awesome what kind of job?

im feeling paranoid even on this board right now. i feel like u guys are judging me. i dont even know if that is reality or not. i dont know anything. i guess i am asking for a reality check?