Roll call 55

I'm debating telling my therapist something, I posted about it in the ED forum. I don't want to come across as stupid and bother him if it's no big deal though

what is it?

I read your post in the ED forum. I don't care what you want to label it or not label it as, it is a big deal and I think it's definitely worth discussing in therapy.

I read your post blue bird and I would say it's worth bringing up with him. As a person with an eating disorder I know how these things can spiral quite quickly. I'd tell him and he can hopefully offer you some help and advice

Whether it meets official diagnostic criteria for an ED or not BlueBird, you should bring it up because it *is* concerning and dangerous for your health to continue with that behaviour. I've had disordered eating in the past, and it does spiral out of control quickly in my experience. I only have to lose my appetite for a few days for whatever reason (e.g. illness, meds etc), and controlling my eating suddenly becomes a big deal again. Best to get it sorted before it gets any worse

*Willow*

I have no control over my emotions. I go from rage to melting by the flip of a coin. I have to wait 6 days before the new med kicks in. Lithium again. This will be hell. I can't find a balance. Every stop forward is two steps back. I can't win. If the past 3.5 years keeps going on like this I will not survive.

whats going on ody?
the lithium will kick in soon enough i suppose.
dont count the years. focus on how you are surviving now.

Thank you everyone, it means a lot. I will make an appointment to talk to him about it. I told my mom too

My psychotic experiences has been very different from yours, which makes it hard for me to relate and/or respond. I'm terrible at coming up with words of comfort or support. I know this is what most people are looking for. I'm bad at expressing myself, because I struggle with perspective thinking.

I keep making updates about drugs. But about the same drugs. Just out of boredom, fear, and excitement that I got by doing something bad or against the law when I was a kid. So some people try to ignore because of what I'm doing with my life, not caring about myself etc just being nothing else than an "Addict".

But now I'm following my schedule that I made for myself. The lack of replies most times made that clear which is good because it gives me insight to what state of mind I'm in. I agree with making two rooms. Means new people can talk instead of having to look at this place where everyone knows eachother.

I'm extremely optimistic and have built a good self esteem over the years.

I have a problem with drugs because others think that. I can think for myself. That's their opinion but if my stimulant gets taken because they think it causes psychosis, I'm done with treatment because I had psychosis before I took any med. I'll be delusional again. The only proof that I have is my own mind.

MY MEDS WERE PERFECT AFTER TWO YEARS. Now they want to hang the damn stimulant above my head and tease me so I stay at more appointments there and be a psychiatric patient for life.. I swear that's the truth. Sadist psychiatrists.. They'll play around with you and enjoy the power of controlling people with drugs that no one really knows about.

A delusion just now creeped up on me that we we're going to live in two houses. I'm so dependent and also, I was not having psychotic symptoms this morning but my psychologist said I was. My main psychosis was if I can try to recall.. Manic as **** with no insight. It's the meds though eh. For 2 months or so, I was a complete maniac. I'm ok with any label as long as I can use it to explain my illness but I never do that. I say I have a problem mentally, joke about it and then move on. If I said I was schizoaffective, as newtus said, they'll just say schizophrenic. It's unfortunate that my assured income will be accepted immediately for schizophrenia as if it were more disabling than most other mental illnesses. Bipolar is high on that list too. Of course bipolar would be as its a devastating illness but the stigma.. Such disrespect after accepting the mentally Ill after the inventing the typical antipsychotics.
That was fun for them eh?

I don't think there's much more to say and I do it without insight and don't remember what I said. Then I look at my previous posts and say wtf.. It feels like I only said these stupid things once.

I'm going to try and study in a minute.

I would do research like this on illnesses, drugs used to treat it, ect.. Only when I'm motivated and tweaking which is never anymore. I put huge effort into daily living which sucks. Then the Vyvanse kicks in.. And I go back to sleep..

this past week has felt like a month. time is moving so slow. i guess im just bored.

so guys...i need your opinion.
i decided to do Tinder. that dating app everyone is talking about. and all these people look older than me but they are my age. i look like a young kid and dress like it. my interests arent up to par with these people either. i feel so confused and out of date and sheltered from society.

sup guys long day prob going to bed soon. T texted me about a hoodie u can wear and it has a pocket for ur cat to chill in. omg, he knows me too well....

worked 7 hrs then went to see my sister w/ my friend.

work tomorrow. ugggggg. oh well. 3 days off after that.

hugs to everyone who feels ignored or going through hard times.

I went into a state of mind like my mind does with suicide.

I told the psychiatrist two years ago that my OCD can be managed. I was under a lot of stress like huge stress. My mom told him the symptoms of it such as washing my hands etc.. I still do these things but I can walk away. It just feels uncomfortable if I think about it too much.

I didn't believe that I had it so I stopped all of my meds, used risperidone as a knock out pill for when I couldn't cope, saved 100 or something pills of Concerta over 100 risperidone and 800 pills of Prozac. I went down to 68kg from 74kg in just a few months.

It was bad. Really bad.

I was thinking about this with schizophrenia that I don't have it. They're changing the injection to 3 weeks instead of 4 so I'll see how that goes.

Abilify is making me stiff when i walk so I'll take the Cogentin..

I had a weird thought that I needed to bring my Vyvanse to the ocean and set it free into the water.

Isn't tinder more of an app for hooking up than dating?

is it?! omg i didnt knowwwwww
ew ugh

I'm home finally, and I'm so appreciative of my couch. Nice couch. Nice..

I've never talked about hearing voices in over 2 years. Why? Because I went back on Klonopin and seroquel.

They obviously make me 10x more psychotic. How? They're only known for that in withdrawal. The teachers said I was hearing voices like crazy at school, couldn't walk properly ect. Talking about Ireland and my death threats etc.

Now that I look back, I'm pretty sure that I was dying.

And coke or just any other stimulant calms me and helps me focus and no one believes that..

I believe that a stimulant can have a calming effect, depending on the person. I feel calm often after drinking coffee. I guess it has to do with how the body processes things, and everyone does that differently.

I'm so depressed. I'm up but I barely slept. Another day ahead of jackhammers etc.

I don't know why I'm bothering. I'm too old now for anything happy in life. Can't work or anything.

You're never too old. You deserve at least some happiness... Just try not to give up!

Hi Erti, how are you?

I'm pretty good. I plan on going over to my ex boyfriends house this morning and have some sexy time lol. I'm all shaven and clean and ready for sex!

Lol. OK.

What're you up to?