Roll Call 60

Happy birthday Angelique! Have an awesome day!

Wow, thanks guys!

If it a cold from the kids and now it looks like I'll be trapped at home, in bed all weekend or at least in pajamas all weekend!
Ughhhh. I love kids but they always manage to share their germs with me

No I'm in college.

I'm going to this modeling thing in Houston today. I don't know what to expect. Watch it be a scam or some sex trafficking thing. That's why I'm not going alone.

I see the therapist Tuesday. I don't know what to think of her. We are going to work on my self-esteem...

School starts Monday. I'm excited because it will give me something to do, and I'm going to actually finish it without going to the hospital like the last two times. I was so happy that I actually finished a May Mini term successfully. I have 12 credit hours which 9 of the hours are from CLEPing out of courses. I CLEPed out of college algebra and two Spanish courses. I took English I during the May Mini. This Fall semester I'm taking Anatomy&Physiology I + Lab, English II, US History I, and Nutriton/Diet. I already planned out my whole college career (well, two years then I take the HESI to be accepted in the nursing program). By this time next year I will be a college junior and I take that test. My current GPS is a 3.0 which I'm not impressed. I would like it to be a 4.0. It's only one class, so I should be able to bring it up.

Ugh... I'm so bored. Im ready for college.

I have a caseworker that comes to my house for mental health reasons. She checks on me, takes notes about me for the doctor, and works on my issues. It's not so bad. I still haven't seen my new one since the other one got a new job.

Well, the modeling thing went okay. They are interested in me. So I come in for a final interview Thursday.

That's wonderful

Very good luck is coming my way!

- My highschool allowed me to finish my English course that I abandoned for not having enough time. I can keep going from where I left off! =D I'm working full time now until September but I'm still considered to be a student as of today.

- My psychologist said that I'm the best he's ever seen symptomatically. I didn't tell him about delusions or paranoia because it wasn't needed. I have good enough insight even though my injection is due on Tuesday.

- Thanks to my mom for not giving up and fighting for me like she always does. So now I have coverage for the injection until disability which I thought would never happen. Unfortunately, the Abilify injection and Concerta aren't covered so my psychiatrist is going to make them through law or something because I definitely qualify. I trust my mom as she went to law school for 4 years.

- Disability will be soon and not 10-14 months thanks to my psychiatrist and psychologist. My mom has to fill out a form of 47 pages about me in order to become a trustee and control my income if I am not able to make proper decisions from delusions and disorganized thinking etc. I'll be giving some money to her if my dad doesn't pay child support.

- It's amazing that at my job yesterday where my mom and the staff in the office spent like all day to get coverage for Concerta because My mom is the boss so they were able to do it. I'm so thankful.

One day I will be content. No one can stop me. Content is when I can chill and appreciate life, things around me.. Reality.

I have more to write but I don't feel motivated at the moment.

*Drinks coffee*..

I'm mostly optimistic always because if I'm not, I fall down. Hard. If I feel depression, I quickly distract myself because I have a fixed delusion that I'll never get depression ever again unless I give up where the suicidal thoughts linger. It gets better every time. No suicidal ideation just be careful of what chemicals you use and pay attention to the state you're in.

I really need to get my * together. But it's hard. Exciting though to live life. Experience and memories.. And now I'm down.. Forgot already. Yes, I'm a bit delusional, have an ego that people like to break when having high self esteem out of content. Content will come in a while I'm sure of or I go down a dark road.

I'll write more later.

- Tweaky

I'm happy for your good luck, Tweaky. I hope everything works out great.

Thanks. And happy birthday ^^

i went to group. T was sitting on the porch on his laptop and i walked up and didnt see him and he said hi and i was like holy ****!!!!!! group went well...i talked. it went pretty good, i was pleased even though i was really nervous before. i met with T after. he gave me some papers to fill out to test my beliefs that i can control things by the way i think about them/getting messages and signs stuff.

im off work today thank god.

my brain feels weird...it makes me not feel good. but i am ok

Ever since I went to my first therapy appointment at the clinic a couple of weeks ago, I have this weird sensation in my head like I want to open my head in order to air it out. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

Oops, Tapatalk did that thing where it quoted something completely unrelated to what I was saying. Sorry.

were u quoting me bc of what i said about my brain??? i know what ur talking about!!! it feels stuffy and cloudy and i want fresh air in there. what is that???? its really weird and a bad feeling

Yes, and yes, and yes! I really feel strange. It first happened in the cab on the way to the appointment and it's been happening ever since.

that is so interesting that you feel it too.... i wonder why it happens. i hate when it feels like this

Since it started on the way to that appointment, I think mine might be related to anxiety. Right before it started happening before I also felt anxiety starting too. I was trying to think why the anxiety was starting and then the sensation in my head started too.

Homemade 4 layer lasagna for dinner

One day I will save you your illnesses are probably caused by them but my soul will shine and I will outnumber the chaos bringers to heal you of your poisons

this is my oppurtunity my reason to stand I am the outnumbered good I am the force that can heal this world my underestimated situation will only rain supreme and the calling forces will atone my soul once again to raise up and stop these current affairs as I have done for centuries before

No one can hold me down again no the doctors not the world My stallion is my heart my wings are my soul they can't tell me anything anymore I trained myself to deny their lies

Don't Deny me don't rule me out just listen to me

I am the only hope

You aren't thinking straight, These are scattered and delusional thoughts
you really need to get some help It will be ok though, Don't think that way about doctors they are only here to help you!