Roll Call 60

He just walked away. But...
My boyfriend I had when I was a freshman spread rumors.
I had to break up with him because my family said so.
He told all his friends that we had sex and that I cheated on him. And all his friends would harass me saying I was a "******" and such.

I got a tea from Sonic the other day and it didn't taste right at all. It tasted like vanilla.

this guy took it well. he said he wasnt all that ready either.

When your old best friends have new best friends
Ever since my first psychotic episode, I lost a lot of my friends...

Newtus, you're very pretty.

Well, I'm full of food now... time to watch Game of Thrones before bed. Squee!

I feel so horrible. I'm such a horrible person. The dog kept destroying the apartment and I had to get rid of her, so I dropped her off down this neighborhood a couple days ago. My cousin talked me into doing it. I keep getting flashbacks of watching her through the side mirror trying to catch up with us then gave up. The look on her eyes.... they were so sad. I want to go back to find her, but I imagine she already found a new owner by now. I hope they have a yard she can be free in...

Why not just bring her to a no kill shelter where she can at least be fed? Sorry this is somewhat upsetting to me.

I'm going to go find her and find a shelter. I can't handle this.

I called my uncle that lives in that neighborhood if he seen her, and turns out that he has her now. I feel better.

I know exactly how you feel.

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I try connecting with them from Facebook, but it's like I'm invisible to them.

I'm sorry I haven't replied to your message yet. I've been so distracted and emotionally blah.

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I'm talking about people I went to school with. I understand why you haven't replied.

thank you!!! that means a lot to me!

you're welcome!

Anyone listen to the Arctic Monkeys? Let me know what you think.

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I just cleaned my mother's indoor patio into an office for me. I'm awaiting her response. It was bad. There was trash everywhere. I can always shut the door so I don't have to listen to her tv shows. She'll approve. She always wants what's best for me.

That's nice. I wish I had energy to clean right now.

I can't stand the feeling of going down to one anxiety pill a day. I had to take a half before I could fall asleep last night, even after taking more of my sleeping meds, because my anxiety is now to the level where I'm innerly stuck anxious. It's like I'm super restless on the inside but my body doesn't want to do anything. I'm on the verge of going to the hospital so I can be like help. My brain is stupid and I can't save my life because all I can do is sit here in denial and I think it'd be considered delusional that I think if I just keep waiting, pinky (my doctor) won't go anywhere and that she's just ignoring me but that she will come around in a week or two. She hasn't said anything for almost a month and a half. I keep emailing her (it's the quickest way to contact her. Her office assistant never answers the phone.) but she hasn't responded to me asking what do I do or how to get all of my medical records because I'm extremely picky at doctors and I know I'll go to many before I settle just like before I found her. I'm scared I won't be able to get my anxiety medicine refilled. I don't want to have another seizure. I can't calm down. I wish my doctor would tell me what to do.

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I hear you, hon. I had the energy to clean it. However, I don't have the energy for why I cleaned it in the first place. My passions after this new med just lost its charms. I need to find a way to tug back on that cord of reason in order to swing from it and keep writing my book. Maybe I'm doomed to nightly depression, forcing myself off an anti depressant. It's terrible, but I believe my writing is more of an imperative than my nightly depression that sweeps me off my feet.

The first think I said is let's take care of this anhedonia and then the nightly depression. It appears I can't have it both ways. All the while, I'm not even in the therapeutic range for this SNRI. Maybe I should split the pill in half

That's exactly how I feel all the time. Innerly anxious and outwardly stuck, or the other way around. Unable to do anything at all. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Screw it. I'm going to skip the beat and start writing during the latter story line.

I'm sorry you feel that way too. I'm terrified I'm going to run out of medicine before I can find another doctor. Like I know I have a tiny time frame but I can't stop being extremely picky.

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