Roll Call 60

Why are you trying to lose weight? Your weight is fine, I would love to be that size. I'm 5ft 3 and unfortunately have gotten up to 220. 120-140 is the range I'm shooting for

...idk anymore.
idk why anymore.
i got up to 180 and lost 80 pounds then gained 55 back and weighed 155 and lost 30 pounds. i just wanna keep losing. my mom pushes me to lose.

i told my mom i wanted to be on linkedin and she said "no ones gonna take you seriously".

I'm 5'3 and weigh 165 lbs. Your weight is fine.

I wish I could get rid of this anxiety!

im trying really hard to watch this movie called Girlhood but its triggering

My boyfriend went to some social event and I stayed at his house and I asked my mom to come take me to the store and my sister came with her and now my boyfriend is upset because my sister is proven to be untrustworthy and he's upset at me because she knows where he lives. I can't even drink my alcoholic drink. I keep starting to cry. I can't handle when the person I'm dating is upset at me. I feel horrible. I asked him if I should ask one of our mutual friends that he trusts if she should come pick me up from his house before he gets home but he hasn't said anything. I'm alone at his house and now I'm freaking out because I don't know what to do.

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Calling the mutual friend sounds like a good idea. Why not finish your drink and then call?

I was dating this girl a few years ago who's mom was just like that. She was 5'6" and 115lbs and still thought she was fat. Every time we would go to a store, she would start looking at diet pills right away. I found out the first night she spent with me that she was also bulimic. It made me really sad that she couldn't see how thin she already was and how she would look better with added weight. Not loss. Now that I'm down to 119lbs, I look at my old pictures and I look so unhealthy compared to when I weighed even 150lbs. I would take back my weight loss surgery and go back to 265lbs if I could. I looked so much better then. you don't need to lose weight. You really don't want to get sick from weight loss and diet related complications. I've been in the ER more times in the last year than my entire life combined.

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Because I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm not very good at social protocol. Or dating. I've never had someone I've dated get mad at me while they were away and I was stuck at their house alone.

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i can agree with this and ive prob said it before ... its a dangerous path and has the ability to suck the life out of you mentally and physically

i will be honest and say that i am struggling with eating again after a long period of remission. i have to keep telling myself where it led me before and truly remember what it was like to be that way, and not relapse

I can't make full sentences like when I smoked the marijuana. I'm freaking out.

Got my hair cut.. Couldn't speak to the girl properly. Didn't say why because my thoughts are most likely that she would have been terrified to cut someone's hair with schizophrenia.

OCD plays a huge roll in this big time. Idk how to explain that.

Bought new Bose ear buds for 300 dollars. I was going to buy an iPhone six but the text from my service provider meant something else.

When I get disability, I'll be paying for my phone bills and give some money to my mom. She says that she can't afford anything if my dad pays child support for only my sister as I'm not considered to be a student anymore.

Those 40 pages as well as 100 other notes, I accidentally deleted. I will try again with this.

I'm getting really bad trauma from what I was doing during the half year of on and off mania and/or highs. It was ridiculous. Going back to those moments makes my chest sink with excitement and fear like a stress junky. Was disguising with a guy with apparent access to the ISIS database and reports people in England and Holland.

I can't trust my dad anymore.. Six months ago, around before my hospitalization, I was paranoid and delusional and told him not to talk to me about psychosis because that will make it worse. He did it anyways.

I deleted the chat. The conversation made no sense.

My mom found the Concerta and gave me a weeks worth. thank god.. Also happy that I'm not abusing it and haven't for half a year. I miss the highs on lethal doses (Never get an LD50 on wiki) taking it as prescribed is very important so I don't go down hill faster. As I said, I see a disaster coming my way.

Smoking a pack of cigarettes a day for around a month.. I only smoke on holidays and have no craving. That's pretty weird along with my belief that methylphenidate is a pain killer with a recreational ceiling dosage not recorded by anyone else.

I'm gonna wake up early, cut the grass and jump into the pool of freezing water.

Yes, you can die from shock by changing temperatures. Glacier water is like 2 degrees so ya.

I had a professional help me set up my linkedin. If you want to check mine out for reference just pm me and I'll send you the link. Most of my information is from education so you'll be able to fill it out based on your courses.

Have an appointment with my t Tuesday then appointment with my pdoc the following day. Hoping to get some stuff resolved or on the way to it

Is anyone up yet?

im up.

morning guys.

told this guy i would be his GF last night and i was jacked up on ambien and xanax basically on my meds so i was heavily sedated. i had to go back and tell him that and tell him sorry but i couldnt be his GF. im not ready for a relationship.

Good morning!

Is it wrong that I find this hilarious!

Afternoon!

Just back at my parent's house for a Sunday roast. Had a slight problem though as we got the chicken from the butchers out of our pantry & it reeked! We had to pop out to the shops to buy another one! All's well that ends well though, still getting my roast...

it was an accident. idk what i was thinking

Serious crisis averted there. 'Aint a Sunday without a Sunday roast!

omfg he posted on facebook that we are in a relationship. i feel so bad. how embarrassing

i had this good friend for a long time, like 4 years, but we got into heavy drugs together for most of it. one night when i was on a bunch of methadone and xanax he told me he loved me. apparently i told him i would be his girlfriend. the next day i didnt remember any of that so i went to his house to chill. well he was like touching me a lot and acting weird so i said hey whats up with this? then i remembered what happened and felt SOOO embarrassed. the ****ed up part is i still dated him even though i wasnt attracted to him because i couldnt say no to people

When I was in 8th grade, this boy kept asking to go out with me until I said yes. It was awkward because he totally wasn't my type. It disgusted me. At the end of the day, I told him that we should just be friends.

I hoep they took it well when yo uturned them down?

I once had this guy ask me to be his girlfriend and I said no and he got incredibly pissed off at me and started calling me named and bullying me via text and spreading rumors about me to our friends that I was a slut or something nad I led him on, but I didn't.