Roll Call #79

Applied for a job! Wish me luck!

Good luck! May I ask what the job is?

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

Good luck

So did my wife. I'll go see it though, thanks for the info.

thorazine abilify alprazolam gabapentin temazepam sarcosine l-theanine

I don't think I can do the stairs yet and I have an appointment to go to the PCP to get the gabapentin filled. I'm really afraid. There's nothing new I need from them. Unless they want to give me benzos or pain pills. And if I think those things would work, then alcohol probably would too. But I'm afraid to drink. Actually just a mouthful of alcohol might work, to erode the terror. It might be too much though.

I'm afraid they will not refill the gabapentin and the withdrawals from that are really bad. The crushing headaches, the vertigo, the pain in my feet and hands. I can't go through that. I'm so afraid. What can I do? I've been on gabapentin for almost 16 years straight. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go IP again.

I'm really OK with not going out. I do get sad that I can't be out in the sun. Or breathe fresh air. But without anyone to help I don't think I can do it.

Hope your hear back!

There comes a point, when you realise that you are convincing yourself it is ok not to try...

You might say you are too old, your health is poor, or you don't have help... which can certainly make things more difficult but not impossible.

You just got to stop making excuses & do it... the fear of it is worse than anything else. If you never confront it, you'll always be scared & it'll eventually get to the point where you really can't manage physically & you'll regret not trying when you were able to...

Carpe diem. Seize the day. Go out in the sun again, you might enjoy it & want to go out again...

That's worse! That sounds painful. Ive never had hives before.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh nooooo nope. Nada. Not a chance. The last time was absolutely terrifying

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks! It's a customer service position in a shop that sells all things tech, from phones to tablets to consoles. It's only a part time position but I'll be able to keep my disability payments up to a certain wage. It'd really be a great way to get me back into work before I apply for a skilled job in IT. Hope I get it!

I also applied for a job in DELL the other week but that was a bit out of my league so I doubt I'll hear back, this is a better step in the right direction, more realistic for me right now.

That sounds like a great idea. I was talking to my friend the other day saying how the repair shop I go to was advertising & how I wished it was a year later after I'd done my course!

Got to get as much experience as you can these days. People always want it.

You are right. And actually I shouldn't be afraid of going downstairs today because I can do it sitting down, step by step. It will be climbing the stairs that I'll need the courage for, today. And that was never a real problem except since I fell going upstairs a few weeks ago. So now I'm afraid of that. What if I become paralyzed with fear and can't go up the stairs?

Of course I want to be free to go out again.

The last time this happened was also during a time where I was just a few weeks after being IP. (Or a few months). It would seem that I lose my inner strength after being in the hospital.

I'm looking at online jobs. There's a lot of them. I can imagine how good I'd be at it if I wasn't on an antipsychotic an not psychotic.

I have a lot of spare time especially if I don't get my summer job.

Learning about countries of the world. Afghanistan.

Also going to practice fake online investing.

Gonna learn more about the deep web and hacking.

It's certainly quite common to lose your confidence when mental health problems flare up, whether that's socially, work related or as simple as believing in yourself.

I think I'm just starting to get my confidence back now after it vanished suddenly 2 months ago now...

Hopefully college will help cement it back in place again.

Just take things one step at a time, you'll get there eventually. (metaphorically, not literally talking about the stairs!)

gotta start getting ready for work soon... =\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

i hope it goes OK

One thing I've found that finally helped me go up and down the stairs to get out is to stare at my feet, go down one at a time and count them. I have 15 stairs.

thorazine abilify alprazolam gabapentin temazepam sarcosine l-theanine

I fell twice, spraining my ankle both times. I know how hard it is.

thorazine abilify alprazolam gabapentin temazepam sarcosine l-theanine

Thank you, Loial. I just approached the stairs and the panic started. I can't even take them going down. I'm really so embarrassed. This is a nightmare.

Oh, and I'm really glad your difficulties have been clearing up. Cause for celebration!

That sounds like a big "Ouch". :/ I don't want to fall again.

Hey, you know... that's a victory in itself... you approached the stairs. Your heading in the right direction... don't be too hard on yourself if it's not instantaneous.

At least you got a man you can come back & snuggle up with after. And by man, I mean a cat.

*edit* - that is my way of saying I hope it goes ok!

I have faith in you Angelique. You can do it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So my pnp is leaving the practice. I'm pretty bummed out but she said I could follow her which I will. It's in the total opposite direction of my counseling but I'll adjust. I'm just glad I don't have to switch again.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Now I'm supposed to go there Monday.

Also she changed my dx from schizoaffective to schizophrenic. I'm not sure if that's just for insurance purposes or if that's what she really thinks.
I also found out that my therapist told her some of the family things I've brought up. I don't think I like that at all.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk