Roll call 80

Well, here am I after taking my sleep potion, I guess it's getting harder to resist the effects. I'm not sure if it's different from before. (Tried a week or two without it, because of fear it would lose its power.

I don't look forward to the plumber, and I have no idea what day or time they might want to work here.

I have this weird sadness today at everything bad about the world. I'm sad about everything.

There's never a good time to call my mother. But I usually try to call on Sunday afternoons. I have to be quiet and listen to her social gatherings with scores of people I've never met. It is quite an achievement to get through one of these calls, much less be committed to weeks months and years of it. Still, I am terrified of her dying.

I know it doesn't make sense. It's just that my guilt would be boundless. Even hating her, the guilt, the guilt, the guilt.

hey sup. got a new car. 2015 mustang. been driving it everywhere, cleaning it. its not a GT but its the premium package. touchscreen display, heated/cooled seats, sirius xm, you can change the color of the guages and interior lighting, etc, the works. so yea been driving that and hanging out with friends/family. gotta wait to get the tags for my car.

big thing is this is the first car in my own name! so yea im paying my own insurance and (repairs in the future). its got 310 horsepower. gonna tune it up to 400 hp. im quickly becoming a car girl.

anyway small update. gonna head out later today and go geocaching. maybe play around with that new pokemon go trend at my boyfriends apartment.

I'm not good. I'm not sure if I am hallucinating or being abused.

I'm not good. I'm not sure if I am hallucinating or being abused.

Hug:

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Can you try to record what you're listening to?

It's just in my head so I can't record it. I'm not sure if they are memories of recent abuse or just voices in my head. I don't hear them with my ears, just in my mind.

Oh. Ok. You have really good insight, whichever it is. Have you ever written down what you hear, in a journal? I started doing that before I went inpatient in April. It can help to read it back, later.

I only did that once, I should more often. Thank you for the suggestion!

Hm, for some reason Tapatalk is crashing every time it tries to show me the image. Does that happen for anyone else?

It got nicely overcast over the past few minutes. They said there's a chance of thunderstorms in my area and I really hope so (I'm not driving in it).

Loving this song