Roll Call 144

Vraylar might help with cognitive issues because it agonises dopamine receptors. It's like Abilify. "It acts to inhibit overstimulated dopamine receptors (acting as an antagonist) and stimulate the same receptors when the endogenous dopamine levels are low." so it balances out your dopamine =]

But your doctor added more seroquel! That cancels that out.. You will forever feel sleepy cuz vraylar also antagonizes histamine like seroquel

But I can't even come off of 100mg seroquel.. I need it to function..

I slept until 1pm today for some reason, I hate when my sleep schedule gets out of whack like this.

I feel like it's somewhat worth it for me to not feel agitated and have some peace with psychotic symptoms, mental health derailed and ill take whatever can give me peace

I was on the verge of sui cause I couldn't stand it anymore, it overwhelmed and consumed me

HUGS Blue_Bird

I want to take a walk on my break but I also want to be lazy bones. I think lazy bones is going to win out. A nap would be great too, but I'm working so no nap. Sad. Kit

Sometimes exercise actually makes you feel more energized...

Yeah, I've been finding that. I'm discovering that as I'm trying to go to bed, I've been exercising too late.

Do any of y'all ever get really mad at life?

I've just been angry lately. Angry I have sza mainly. Just, it sucks that I have to deal with mental illness and can't do basic stuff that other people can do.

If you are having active psychotic symptoms it can decrease your cognition....maybe the Seroquel will help

Strangely no....I mean I should be mad it’s totally justified but I have some vague sense that we chose our challenges in this world. That for what ever reason we chose each challenge to teach us a vital lesson before we pass on. So for me when I was 12 I couldn’t walk and that directed my entire career path. My cognitive issues and mouse allergies are directing that path now, but I’m still learning so much about how lucky I was before etc. I find most things depend on outlook.

Talked to the addictions counsellor. He was very chill. We don't connect cuz he doesn't talk much and I can't sense a personality. Maybe I'm not as emotionless as I think I am.. Or my negative symptoms have gotten better. But I bet he has knowledge idk.

Idk if I can get advice out of him when he doesn't make comments on what I should do. I'm the one with the insight. So much insight. Maybe I don't need an addictions counsellor and I'm able to do this on my own.

He gave me a number for the cigarette addiction thing so I'll call them.

Cuz ciggies are the most addictive cancer causing tobacco company facks

If I was an addictions counsellor I'd probably be a bad one or a good one idk.. I'd make friends with the clients and talk about everything except the drugs.. like "My life is this way, so I take drug", "I feel like this, so I take drug".

"What do you mean your life is 'this' way? Why do you feel like 'that'"? *Talks for half an hour about life* "Life is smiles, sadness, etc.. " *Philosophical talk*.

The cause is not the drug. The cause is WHY the drug.

Food, sex, sleep, relationship problems, death of close one.. spirituality and beautiful things.. drugs!? Drugs!

kids need hugs not drugs.

Ended up taking about a 20 minute walk on my break. I did feel energized for a while but now I'm tired. My muscles hurt in weird places, like the side of my calf hurts. Probably from not exercising a lot to starting to exercise a lot. My muscles are like, what?!!!??! My boss was getting on my nerves. I was glad she was back but then I like wasn't. She left half day but then I had a stupid meeting to go to which was lame. Now I'm just waiting for the mail to see if we got more checks so I can go to the bank for work. I'm not feeling as paranoid as I was earlier. I think I'm feeling ultra chill now. Maybe too chill. Kit

gonna go grocery shopping in an hour or so

I need to do that too but probably not going to. I'll just make it work with whatever is in the house. Kit

My Dad has to have a colonoscopy tomorrow. He has a history of tumors and polyps. I'm not really nervous for him but I am a little nervous for him. I hope he doesn't have any tumors. He had to have a bunch of stuff surgically removed last time. Kit

I hope it goes well for him Kit, I'll keep you and him in my prayers

I'm not sure if I drank too much coffee or if I'm hungry and need to eat

I dont get mad at myself because I always try, try to work, try to get a college degree, try to write. With good intentions, I believe passivity is evil, activity is the good. That's my ethic. I'm going to make mistakes, but I believe they are all necessary up to a point. It takes me awhile to gauge new circumstances but I think long and hard on it, and then when I know the path, I give it everything I've got.

I told my mom i was going back to school and shes like “youve been going for a long time and you never got any degree. Its just gonna be a waste of money”.

I told her “please no discouragement or negativity.”

Ugh

i'm hyper as ****... someone talk to me...

Hey Erti.....do you take a mood stabilizer or anything?

yes why yes i do. lamictal i take 50 mg twice a day.