Roll Call 152

I'm gonna smoke a bit more when people aren't in the front yard and then listen to a duncan trussell (Spiritual philosopher/comedian) podcast (The one with his mom having stage 4 cancer and still living for 4 years).

I believe listening to those podcasts will help me understand more about my mom having cancer and what I can do to help her state of mind because she's not dealing with it very well. She's denying that she has cancer and is really stressed out, drinking too much wine, wanting to refuse chemo and not caring about her severe heart conditions anymore by not taking her beta blockers on time. She's not really thinking deeply about her cancer. She's saying "I'm so stressed out that I forget that I have cancer" and that she doesn't want to lose her hair.

My mom is getting a bit of help with CBD capsules.

For some reason I'm getting part of my medicine early. Either that or somehow they approved extra medicine for me cuz I'm out. Idk how they did that. But oh well, not complaining.

I'm getting 3 paychecks next week.

My disability
My work check
My book sales check

Trileptal is causing my hands to tremor. It's even more common with Seroquel. Thank god Im off Seroquel starting Monday. I can't cut in ceiling lines with these tremors. My life is falling to pieces, everyone. I asked my doctor 3 days ago to give me an official diagnosis slip for tax purposes, which the IRS is garnishing my wages next to nothing. It's bad. I had the option to live on disability, but if I did that I would deteriorate like my father. I woudn't work with friends, I wouldn't listen to audiobooks, or podcasts, ect… My grand mother and boss helped me out a bit, but this is bad. They took almost $1,600 and left me $460 for 2 weeks of hard work. This is happening because I wanted to do the right thing by getting on pay roll, so since they had all my tax info now, they can more easily garnish my wages.

took the thorazine an hour ago

I dont understand. Why are they taking 1600 out?

Because I owe in back taxes for 2016.

I see. Is this part of the big thing that is happening in your life? What happened if you dont mind me asking?

I can see myself writing books at around age ~35

It's only a matter of time that I get my **** together at around age ~25

Getting my **** together as in.... Having a better mental state, overcoming struggles, forgetting the past and looking towards the future..

Oh man that totally sucks.
Is this a biweekly garnishment? That’s crippling if so and they absolutely need to adjust that.
Geeze I’m so sorry DT.

I keep having recurring dreams of being put down and bullied by people

I havent gone to the hospital. My therapist has been calling to check in with me . I'm off work today n tomorrow .

My mom told me that my sisters pdoc said her A1C levels are too high so he took her off her latuda and put her on lamictal

I'm upset because my sister is also schizophrenic and lamictal is NOT going to prevent her psychotic symptoms. So I'm just waiting for the inevitable to happen now .

Also I have a pain in my chest where my heart is located. But I dont care If its serious cuz I dont even wanna live any more any way.

Good morning, going out to breakfast in a little while

There's American and Chinese spies after me. The voices say the therapist and everyone else are out to get me. The therapist says I'm sick but she's wrong. Nothing is wrong and I am well. I am NOT sick. But I guess I'll not go travelling like she said. Just make music over the weekend for the new band. Bummer that my week is messed up for the next week. I want to get on with life but for whatever reason whenever I try, stuff happens. Like this. I don't wanna be held back and I refused the psych ward despite her suggestion. Ugh.

Morning

I kinda think the reason I've been shaking a little bit this week is cuz of tremors from my geodon. Idk.

Maybe from not eating enough too right, you weren't eating much for awhile

Yes that too. My coworkers bought me lunch yesterday. So that was good. I have money today tho.

BB, Do you have trmors,

Tremor and Trileptal - a study from real world data | eHealthMe
I'm really surprised that after all this time I just started to get tremors. So Seroquel could cause it, plus it takes a month for them to start. It's hard for me to even type let alone for me to work as a painter, that takes precision. I hope when I stop taking Seroquel Monday, that by Friday they stop.

I'm super frustrated ugh. Wanted to smash stuff earlier cause of frustration and anger.

I'm scared everyone and law enforcement is after me...I gotta hide soon. They're coming.

I feel my therapist controlling my mind I know it...this is evil. Pure evil.

Sorry you're dealing with that side effect, I actually haven't had that with the trileptal, I hope it goes away soon for you, I know it's frustrating, I had bad tremors when I was on Lithium

You can use propranolol to stop the tremor.....