Roll Call 167 :)

I told my doctor everything

Oh fack it's hard to write before the coffee kicks in.. I'll try.. Anyways,

He didn't change my meds and prescribed 5x 15mg Restoril (Temazepam).

I then went for a hike.. With no sleep. I went back, sat in the sun (I am now tanned and burned), my veins were big and I decided to go to sleep at 28 hours awake. I took a 0.5mg alprazolam because of anxiety which calmed me down.

I waited a bit to calm down and then decided to sleep. I took one 15mg temazepam and started MELTING.. I was melllttinggg.. then took a zopiclone and fell asleep. Heart calmed down (Cuz if I try to sleep without a benzo, my heart skips a beat and I'm scared of sudden death after being awake).

I woke up at 2am, had water and then slept until 12pm. So 18 hours of sleep. I feel refreshed.

If I don't sleep ever again with just zopiclone, I'll stay up again and do this whole thing again at 6pm with the temazepam.

I feel like I still need a little bit of phenibut (500mg a day) so I'll take that.

So far my mental health is good. I'll try to make an appointment with my therapist or psychiatrist once the coffee kicks in and I can feel my thoughts in it's natural tangented way.

I am so sorry, newtus. When do you talk to your pdoc next? How about today?

My pizza stone was finally delivered so my sister is going to drop that off this weekend

Might go for a run at 6pm

I would love to be one of those city runners. Just running.. running every day.. earbuds in.. run in the sun, run in the rain.. just keep running.. never stop.. Good sleep, good mental health, run with fit partner - Or being fit alone, listening to podcasts, talking, running, running, morning coffee.. clear mind, running.. Work, school.. Running towards something.. Instead of running away from demons... Finding goals, breath in and out, blood pumping, healing wounds easier, burning energy.. Until the knees give out - Not thinking about the future or the past.. Just running... Constant.. running..

Can I just say bpcyclist, it’s so nice having you here. It’s great to have new perspectives.

My pizza stone was finally delivered so my sister is going to drop that off this weekend

Think I figured everything out. I need to take Zyprexa again. I think it's because my doctor recently took me off of Zyprexa and lowered Abilify substantially that I feel awful these days. I feel a little more hopeful after stumbling upon this realization. I wish things were more linear. But I suppose they never are.

Not second-guessing here, but, making two moves at the same time can be quite problematic...

Yeah. I wish my pdoc had been more slow about it. He seemed really eager to get me off of Zyprexa. And down on Abilify too. Oh and I also got off of Klonopin in that time, too. It's been a fair amount of time to make all those changes. Probably 3 months or so. But I still think it was way too fast. I think he was trying to test whether I actually had schizoaffective or something. Which to me just sounded like playing with my emotions. I don't know. He always tends towards wanting to reduce meds. I don't like it much. He also got me out of a terrible depression though. I wonder if it's time for a new pdoc. I don't know.

Trying to listen to an Edmund Husserl audiobook while posting on PC. I don't know if the audiobook part is working too well. Oh well...

Yeah. I wish my pdoc had been more slow about it. He seemed really eager to get me off of Zyprexa. And down on Abilify too. Oh and I also got off of Klonopin in that time, too. It's been a fair amount of time to make all those changes. Probably 3 months or so. But I still think it was way too fast. I think he was trying to test whether I actually had schizoaffective or something. Which to me just sounded like playing with my emotions. I don't know. He always tends towards wanting to reduce meds. I don't like it much. He also got me out of a terrible depression though. I wonder if it's time for a new pdoc. I don't know.

My original pdoc took me off all meds too, because I had only had one psychotic episode.....it took me nine months but I started having psychosis again so I went back on abilify. The odds are simply not in your favor.....once you have psychosis once it tends to happen again. I get what your doc is doing....he’s testing the dose so you aren’t maxed out. It’s sounds like you were on high doses of two APs and he want to reduce it. Generally this is a good doc....the bad docs I’ll keep you so drugged up you can’t function.

Yeah. I wish my pdoc had been more slow about it. He seemed really eager to get me off of Zyprexa. And down on Abilify too. Oh and I also got off of Klonopin in that time, too. It's been a fair amount of time to make all those changes. Probably 3 months or so. But I still think it was way too fast. I think he was trying to test whether I actually had schizoaffective or something. Which to me just sounded like playing with my emotions. I don't know. He always tends towards wanting to reduce meds. I don't like it much. He also got me out of a terrible depression though. I wonder if it's time for a new pdoc. I don't know.