Roll Call 167 :)

Our appointments will be in person starting next month so I‘m looking forward to that

My baking tools still haven’t arrived yet. I’m disappointed 😒

What did you get?

Anyone here have any experience with metformin (for combating weight gain due to psych meds)? I think falcon may have been on it at some point but I forget

Erti is on it.....it can cause diarrhea so be aware....

Thanks, yeah I heard that's a fairly common side effect

Going to the library tomorrow to drop off some books I checked out several months ago since their dropbox is open now. Gotta stop at the pharmacy on my way there to pick up some of my meds.

My mom took it for a while but had to stop because the diarrhea was so severe. YMMV.

Piping bags, parchment papers, icing tips, brush, scrapper, cake tins, rum, food coloring, baking soda, and tapioca flour.

@SP, forgot to quote

I’m 29 years old.

Done with my first day at PHP, went ok. Talked to the doctor and we're gonna do clozaril, have to do paperwork today, bloodwork tomorrow, then I'll start the med tuesday or wednesday

I haven’t been honest with you all, because I’m embarrassed.

But I’ve been doing very badly. Which sometimes I’ve said, but not gone into detail.

Ever since I lost my job I’ve been going downhill severely. It really wasn’t so much the actual job, but losing income monthly when we were just scraping by with maybe 100 dollars left over as it was.

I’ve gone so downhill to the point where I’ve almost had to goto the hospital. Cuz first few weeks after losing my job, it was the losing of my job. Then the COVID got worse and that made me scared like maybe I would die or lose my dad. Then the race relations started to rise and that made me even more scared. So all these things together last 4 months or so, so far.

All since March, I’ve been extremely anxious having panic attacks multiple times a day. Severe depression where I wasn’t eating much anymore or eating too much some days. I either stay up all night or sleep all day. I had to be out on ativan (back on Benzo’s) because my anxiety has been so extreme. Most days I can’t wake up and have peace cuz within 30 min I’m having a panic attack. I’ve been hearing loud clear voices, and paranoia and delusions have been starting up too.

I haven’t gone into detail because I don’t want to seem like a failure to you all.

I’m sorry

You're not a failure newtus, you're an amazing person. It's normal to have ups and downs especially with not only mental illness but also with everything going on in the word right now and the loss of your job. just be sure to reach out to your treatment team and let them know what's going on so maybe they can do something to help

Fun! Can’t wait to see your creations

@newtus Since you can’t see a hug on the posts on tapatalk, here’s one BB said it well I just want to add, we love you

Hugs dude....you know you’re not a failure, you’re struggling with an illness that’s pretty severe, that requires you to tread water just to stay afloat. Occasionally we all stop swimming for a bit because it’s exhausting.

Meringue will be the first once I get them. I watched macaroons tutorial videos but they need food processor, I don’t have one. Also they said macaroons are one of the hardest ones to make, so I’m going to start with easy things first

Thank you so much guys

Just didn’t want y’all to be mad or like idk disappointed in me

Can't imagine ever being mad or disappointed in you. You try so hard and you do all that amazing stuff. Then on top of it you have a mental illness. It's normal to have ups and downs. Losing a job is tough on anyone whether or not they have a mental illness. I think you're doing the best you can. I'm not always honest either about my suicidal thoughts and stuff because I don't want to worry you all, but then again if I just stopped signing in for a week because I was IP you all might (hopefully) notice but hopefully not worry. So I get the not being totally honest part but never ever could I imagine being upset or disappointed in you. HUGS I know we only talk on PC because I'm like stupid and don't know how to do anything other than facebook but I consider you my friend, all of you! You guys are the most real, accepting peeps anywhere and I love all of you! okay, now I'm crying.

I told my doctor everything

Oh fack it's hard to write before the coffee kicks in.. I'll try.. Anyways,

He didn't change my meds and prescribed 5x 15mg Restoril (Temazepam).

I then went for a hike.. With no sleep. I went back, sat in the sun (I am now tanned and burned), my veins were big and I decided to go to sleep at 28 hours awake. I took a 0.5mg alprazolam because of anxiety which calmed me down.

I waited a bit to calm down and then decided to sleep. I took one 15mg temazepam and started MELTING.. I was melllttinggg.. then took a zopiclone and fell asleep. Heart calmed down (Cuz if I try to sleep without a benzo, my heart skips a beat and I'm scared of sudden death after being awake).

I woke up at 2am, had water and then slept until 12pm. So 18 hours of sleep. I feel refreshed.

If I don't sleep ever again with just zopiclone, I'll stay up again and do this whole thing again at 6pm with the temazepam.

I feel like I still need a little bit of phenibut (500mg a day) so I'll take that.

So far my mental health is good. I'll try to make an appointment with my therapist or psychiatrist once the coffee kicks in and I can feel my thoughts in it's natural tangented way.

Sent my coworker a link from NAMI about Schizoaffective. I want her to understand a little what I go through. Sometimes it is so freaking hard trying to work with my brain on fire.

As I've said, I hate when I feel like my "brain is on fire". I feel like when that happens, it's literally brain cells dying. It's not good. It's how I felt in high school without meds.. Just can't focus.

Antipsychotics really help with this - And possibly mood stabilizers.. But I've never been on a mood stabilizer so I don't know.

A PRN antipsychotic like olanzepine really helps my mind to relax, puts the fire out and allows me to focus.

That's why I take "mind rests" so often during the end of the Invega injection cuz it's like putting a lead blanket over my mind and shutting it out from the world of nonsense, calms my thoughts.

^ Look at this writing! Coffee kicked in..

How do you take mind rests @Desoxyn?

"Open Awareness Meditation, also known as “open attention,” “open monitoring,” or “soft focus,” is a form of mindfulness meditation in which you allow the many things present in your consciousness (sounds and other sensory input, as well as your thoughts and emotions) to arise in your awareness and then naturally fall away as they are replaced by different sounds, thoughts, etc. This kind of meditation is considered a “yin” practice."



Whenever I feel exhausted from focusing, I lie down in bed, put the covers over me and just BE.. Because of the Vyvanse maybe, I don't actually fall asleep - Sometimes I do if I'm really tired.. But not when I usually do it @ around 4-6pm. I lie there for 30-60 minutes and just think and experience.. The reason is that it doesn't require a lot of focus just "Soft focus" which is what I really need during those times.

I get focus exhaustion. It's like a form of sleep and changed the brain waves by giving the mind time to relax.

Then when I'm done, I feel much more aware, clear minded, happier, focused, relaxed etc

I am so sorry, newtus. When do you talk to your pdoc next? How about today?