Roll Call 167 :)

I bought 220 turnips today for 20k. I literally put everything in for the stalk market.

Let’s hope there’s no orange leader mouthing off in that game...

It might be a fun project to try

If I were home i would but bf doesn’t even have a mixer....everything is whipped....it’s supposed to be for a party we’re going to ......

I think it’s early in the game, but I think I can finally start to call myself a professional writer. I’m gonna take it. At least writer, because I do make money off of writing, just not enough. But it’s getting there quick. One example is people keep buying my book. My last book. From last June of 2019. My sales keep going up every week or so. I mean one book sold a week, or about. Got paid big time from one company. Got paid for other various projects too. Beyond that, I am growing a massive following on so many places online. It’s insane really. I mean it’s a lot to me. Almost 1k following I’ve built from scratch on insta and same on Twitter. Half of 1k on fb. Like etc I could go on.

Yea I think I can call myself a writer or a professional writer now or something.

I have super high hopes yet again. Not super, but my regular hopes are back. With everything going on and I’m back to doing my thing. It feels like things may be picking up more day by day.

Not sure what grocery options you have where you are, but Safeway actually makes a mean banana cream pie for like, 10 bucks. It is quite good, really. We don't have Kroger here, we have Fred Meyer, but I don't shop there...

You're my hero, newtus! Awesome!!!!

Proud of u Newtus

Right on Newtus!

I don't know what to do

What should I do

What is going on, Desoxyn?

I was going to say we don’t have Safeway, but there’s one downtown.....it’s possible the jewel in the Albertsons chain might be similar though. Do you have to order it from the bakery or do they regularly stock it?

I was amazed though that bakers square doesn’t even carry banana cream anymore and they are known for pies.

Yeah, Albertsons is far from me now, so, not sure about that one. At Safeway, they seem to stock them pretty darn regularly. They also make a chocolate and a coconut cream pie. The chocolate one is also awesome, not sure about the coconut.

Of course, you could always just call a really solid local bakery and I am sure they would be happy to make you a couple for a fee...

Have you tried like a Baker's Square, or other pie restaurant?

Oh, sorry about my post. I thought for sure they would since it's such a favorite.

Little bit depressed.

I keep focusing on how people do things or solve problems - How I lost so much time doing nothing. I'm not stupid but I acted stupid in the past.

I don't know why it took a psychedelic trip for me to finally be as aware as everyone else.

I never taught myself how to be independent. My ex step dad really damaged me.

The Abilify basically caused my dissociative persona. I feel worthless because everything I did or said didn't get recorded. I barely remember anything from my past.

I need a good antidepressant - But when I'm happy, I'm not that logical. I think I was depressed because I was so logical - Then I go to find out that being an atheist INTP isn't everything. I'm afraid of when people ask me to smile and I can't.

People seem to know what they're doing. I'm upset because of what my mom does - I'm scared to be independent though because she explains my mental illness really well and defends me.

The biggest problem for me is that I need constant reassurance. I don't trust my own thoughts and don't know who I am. I have a lot of apathy. Life isn't apathy in my own view.. It's being happy in a way.

I want to do things but there's so many things to do. I'm not good at anything. Just a little bit good in many things. I don't make sense to people because I'm confused - The people in the video chat judged me and gave me rules.

I know exactly what I should do but I just don't feel happy. I honestly feel really alone and sad. And I like sadness. I don't see the point in doing anything because we're all going to die. I want to have knowledge in everything and talk to people. My openness is so great that I'm interested in everything - Causing paralysis.

And I thought this was the way it's supposed to be now that I'm revived by psychedelics. I was the 1% that needed to trip the most - Everyone else can get by with their awareness of how they are. I was really broken. I just wrote a morbid prose about isolation and suicide.

I can't believe that I was soooo ****ing horrifically depressed.. And all the help I got. But it seems like that doesn't matter now that the world is on fire - Which makes me feel even more hopeless.

Another thing is that I'm extremely interested in even my own pain, struggles, awareness, perception, illness, - Everything. My mind is so wide open that it's like I'm God - Creating reality and being interested as hell in it.

But there's so much that I can do that it's overwhelming - And everyone knows this yet does it. I DID NOT know that everything is as connected as it is.. People get a job, quit, try to be happy, leave something unfinished. I thought there was no God.. Now I know that it it's unknown and we're supposed to not know. We're not supposed to know the complete truth - Yet we can pretend, do things.. But what's the point for me when my life is the way that it is and what happened?... I know what I should do.

Basically this reply is meaningless. Things trigger me like my step dads depressive gaslighting.. I hate him so much. And I get some of my energy from him. I just want to punch him right in the face - I really wish I could. The first time I did it, it wasn't hard enough.

I listen to music, and there's so much music to listen to. Technology is like a psychedelic trip rabbit hole that we can go into.. Same with life and the world. Do you think we'll ever be able to watch all the YouTube videos there is?

I want people to feel happy - Yet there's yin yang and life has to be the way it is just because that's how it works. I can't save the world because I realize that I don't want to.. There has to be a variety of things or else life wouldn't be as great as it is... And that's why people put faith in reincarnation.. Because it's true.. I know that there's souls and unexplained astral projections happening every second.. One person dying and being born every second. It's madness.

And we're all so delusional. I want people to explain what they mean and open up cuz there's such bad people. Not many people change their views so easily with new information.

I could read - But I need dopamine. I need a new environment. I don't have patience so I want to absorb information and understand as quickly as possible because I fear having no money or dying, not experiencing life good enough and regretting things.. Yet it has to be that way - It's all perspective.

I want to do so many things and a lot of people target me because they don't understand me like they "Don't know me" and it's ego empathy vampires. I absorb everyones energy. Sometimes I question whether or not I'm a good person but I know I am... And that's the problem. I feel stupid sometimes and that I'll never know - Or that it doesn't matter and to dooo thinggss.. Go to school - But I have to make the right decision in what can make me happy.

I mostly feel like I'm running out of time and need to rush everything. I try meditation but I can't relax - I get scared. I can't be in a quiet room.

I might go back to the psych ward in the independent living unit so my psychiatrist can treat me - But that's not what anyone else would do - I feel like that's wasting time or I shouldn't do that... That I shouldn't think I'm mentally ill and just live life - People say I'm not mentally ill because I'm too high functioning and "not crazy" so I believe them... All the things that sick people have said in the psych ward have made me sick even years after just because of a few sentences or words that they've said..

Sorry for the long reply.. I just want it to be sunny outside and to enjoy time without drama - Have good friends. I feel like people hate me - I'm not normal. I'm not neurotypical and find it hard to make friends cuz I'm smart or something - What ever that means.

My bf is angling for something and I haven't yet figured out what. He wants to escape his roommate who hasn't paid rent in some time. He wants to get rid of something he's paying too much for. So it could be my apartment. We shall see.

I'm gonna find a good movie or video to watch with my mom

Maybe it will take away bad energy

Any suggestions pls say

"Unnatural Selection"

It's really interesting. My mom likes genetics.

It's cuz she got me to watch a video on TV about using bats to save us from viruses and cancer - But it ended.

I feel like I can't decide on what to do. Does that mean I'm bad at making decisions in general?

I'm starting to feel happier for no reason or because I wrote down my problems and feelings so it's ok.

Aw thanks guys!!! Means so much to me

Awesome!!

I have THE STRANGEST sleep habits.

I’m anxious and upset. I know you’re not supposed to, but I googled some physical issues I’m having and I’m pretty sure I have this.

There’s only a few times in my life where I’m right about physical issues and this one is staring me in the face. Some neuropathy issues due to my lower back having that compressed disc.