Roll Call 167 :)

I took 7.5mg olanzepine in total.

I know I'm not a normie here but I use this as a lifeline when I'm in deep psychosis. Typing here really save me.

I felt a magnetic field over my eyes like I was transmitting some data from God. I know that sounds weird but God isn't what people define it to be.. it's like where creativity comes from. I dont like to feel that creativity comes from the person but rather an unknown force, trying to use our bodies to create something...... I could go on forever.

I'll just try and sleep. And to let you know, anyone can use this roll call to attempt the same thing.. cuz I know some people are scared of telling the truth.. that's what I've started to realize after being on abilify.. abilify lowers insight to self harm (And telling someone theres something wrong and theres fears.. the fear is the only thing that matters.. causing fear is considered by the brain to prevent harm to yourself or others), even if you're not psychotic.. but only probably on the high doses that I've been on - although I could be wrong about all of this.

Just dont be scared live life the best you can. Theres many other reasons for being here like reassurance, support, hugs, understanding, love, inclusiveness, advise, to rant, to disguss, teach, update on what's happening, all in relation to "psychosis" which not many people understand.. unless they're in it or a very trained professional (All they know is how to treat it.. I think rarely few are smart enough to understand without ever having it..), or whatever labels we have, people can come understand for themselves for knowledge for fear of having it.. and family members..

And even I have to realize that I dont have it, even while knowing this and being diagnosed. Why? Because it can help you.. that certain symptom is objective reality.. which is different in many parts of the wor..

Ok I'm done.

Y’all are right. Money is overrated. Take it from someone who used to have it at dispense (from my parents). I literally have everything I want and I’m still depressed and lonely at times. Mainly due to my mom, but and other stuff but that’s all mental health issue stuff.

Unfortunately tho, I’ve seen how money has power. Again, unfortunately.

School tho, i consider myself one of the few people who really really like school. I love learning and school helps me stay disciplined with my education. It’s hard to explain what I mean. It has to do with how my brain functions. I can be all over the place with things.

I do read. I read, and read, and read everyday. I like to write essays for fun, but that’s not useful, so I just write whatever. I study so much stuff on google. It has helped me to succeed. Most definitely, with my published work and whatnot.

I’m glad you’re back in school....grad school is just something you’ve gotta get through and I swear it seems like nobody gets just a bachelors these days. It’s one thing to slow your pace but another to entirely quit.

Ok I’m going to be the outlier here and say I like money....I don’t need too much of it because I live within my means but it can definitely enhance your life and give you a certain level of control.

Yea that’s exactly what I mean. And I like money too, but it’s been hell for me with it over my lifetime.

I wish I had some waffles or pancakes or something. I don’t need to spend money on that tho. I’m gaining weight, yet again. I’m one pound over my highest ever weight. I need to slow down on the eating. So much of my eating last 2 weeks has been emotional eating. Like out of boredom or sadness.

Pancake mix is one of the cheapest things you can buy.....

Yes but I don’t need it. I need to get back to eating healthier. Not particularly salads or anything. Just, like rice, or stuff like that. More veggies. We have a lot of steamed veggies and rice. That’s what I need to make. I’m a dinner person. Some people like breakfast. I could eat steak or whatever for breakfast. I need to eat less too.

Less carbs. I know rice is carbs but I need to put some veggies in with it. I just absolutely don’t feel like cooking or making a darn thing. Maybe today I will since I’m starting to feel a bit better as the days go on.

I really want some goulash but the meat is in the freezer. Ugh. Maybe tomorrow since fiancé is off tomorrow.

I tend to have a latte for breakfast....maybe with some sort of pastry maybe not depending if I even feel hungry.

That’s what I need! Coffee with that French vanilla creamer in the kitchen. But watch me fall asleep afterwards.

I've been on this site called thepennyhoarder.com lately.

It helped me get my current online job.

I wonder if it might help others with financial ideas and stuff.

It also taught me how to keep a budget journal. I am TERRIBLE with managing money. And the written budget journal is really helping me.

Not saying you need to check it out. Just saying it might interest you or others on this forum.

Yes I’m aware of that site. Been on it for 2 years, but I have found rat race rebellion to work for me better BUT PH is great for managing money. Both sites are great! Thanks! I do need to check it out again.

My goal is to get my degree and double my current salary. I know money can’t buy happiness but having extra cash would sure make me feel secure.

Learning is awesome. If we stop learning we die. Always strive for more.

I was on 20mg of zyprexa for maybe half a year, I had horrible sedation at first. It got a little bit better but never really went away,

Yeah 20 mg is a very big dose of Zyprexa (it's the maximum FDA-approved dose I think, if I remember right).

I have been on 20 mg Zyprexa before as well. And yes, it made me very sedated. The key is to find a balance of a dose that works for you yet doesn't cause too much sedation. I am on 5 mg of it now, and it doesn't make me tired, and when I take it at night, it helps me get to sleep. Meaning it doesn't cause sedation in circumstances during which I want to be awake. It only makes me sleepy right before bed, which is ideal anyway.

I just make my own...

Feeling pretty good overall so far. Just hope I can get sommething accomplished today. Anything at all would be a step up.

That’s great, you can definitely do it!

Learning is awesome, I agree

I'm an Intp. I'm new. I love coffee. Woke up late today.

I should celebrate victories and whatnot in between everything going on with me, but it’s hard.

But a couple good news...

I got a barcode from Bowkers, which is the official company of the U.S. ISBN Agency, for books. So my last book is officially in the US system of ISBN/books.

Along those lines, I’ve partnered with a company called IngramSpark which is a book distribution company to distribute my book to stores, like Barnes & noble, etc, libraries, schools, universities, etc all over the world including the USA. Which, I had to pay a flat fee for, but it’s because I’m self publishing, instead of working with a publisher ATM (at the moment) who would pay me a flat sale price to publish my books, market them, etc.

But idk I feel not accomplished still. I feel like a fake cuz I’m self publishing.

I used to but a lot more pancakes get made from the mix.....

From lulu you get an ISBN right away then can publish on amazon etc, they take a cut though.

Glad to hear you’re feeling better