Roll Call 173

I'm going to the hospital... ttyl guys.

Been having rough days. I hate it when I lose my confidence like now, I don’t feel like myself nor in control of myself.

Get well soon, Erti. Hugs

HUGS Erti

Infusion with an IV

Hugs. Be safe

That's for weekly visits, not monthly visits.

went to the pharmacy and got my clozaril

It's scary to know they would have admitted your Mom if not for covid. I hope she feels better soon. Hugs, Kit.

Charging my headphones. My knees actually hurt less right now yay! They've been messing up my meds. Giving me 400mg Motrin instead of 800mg, refusing to give it to me at all. There's a sadistic nurse here who won't let me have any Motrin even though the doctor has it for me. There are some bad things happening here.

My friend ordered me the root beer I asked for, but not sure if he ordered the Cokes. I need them desperately. I didn't force the issue about the Fanta Orange. But I hope I'll get some soon.

What this place needs is a drinking water tank in the lobby. Then it would be easy to make tea. Assuming it had a hot water tap. I miss my tea in the late morning. I always had some and it's so good.

I hope after I blow through my high speed data the slow data is good enough to listen to podcasts. Because the WiFi here is so weak.

In a really good mood

What bad things happen there? Hope you’re ok

Looking up recipes and ideas for meals and desserts with no added sugars.

I've had the worst panic attack of my life so far (I know I always say this but panic attacks are hell). Anyways, I'm barred.

I'm going to quickly write a letter to my doctor about everything and all the meds/stuff I'm taking and explain to my family etc before I get another panic attack and become paralyzed again.

I'll be alone on the weekend. One of my moms friends are going to check on me. I'm doing everything in my power to not be admitted to the psych ward again.

I feel like I lose 500 IQ points when I dissociate.

Hugs, Erti!!

What's up?

I think the spray is way cheaper.

I'd rather not go into it because there are private details I don't want to say.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you by asking

I don't know what happened today. I completely felt like nothing was real. I'm ok now..

It's the worse mental state I've ever had.

Hugs, Des.

Pouring rain out. Will be nice for sleep. I took a walk around the block in my pj's and had to change into new ones.

Hopefully things will be better tomorrow. I got to realize my triggers that cause dissociative panic.

I see my doctor on Thursday. Hopefully he can prescribe some benzos because I'm not sure if my Xanax (Alprazolam) is even real alprazolam.. It could be fake.. Like flualprazolam or something..

I'm going to be honest about everything and hopefully he understands and sorts me out so I don't have a panic attack EVERY NIGHT... My panic attacks are the worst of the worst.. But I've kind of got used to them now.. I just freak out telling everyone "I don't know what to do, where to go" and people say "What do you want to do?" and I say "I don't know.."

It's horrible. But I'll try and get some sleep on 3.5mg of alprazolam and 1mg of lorazepam..

Hugs, Des.

My pdoc prescribed Vraylar today. I guess I just go down on the Abilify for now, so it's one change at a time. Then next week I think I start taking the Vraylar. I need to confirm this with him tomorrow, the exact directions. Anyway, I am a little hesitant to switch. But Zyprexa causes my weight to change. So I don't know. Though Zyprexa really does control my mood and stabilizes it a ton. So I don't know!!!! It's so hard to make these treatment-related decisions!