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  #201  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 03:34 PM
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I might ask my doctor for diazepam again because it works better for mental anxiety.

****. My mom's cat is scratching at my sisters door. I can't take any more of this. I was up and going non-stop from 9am-2pm NO BREAK. Just non-stop moving, shower, hygiene, work, cleaning, eating, taking meds, walking, taking out the garbage, washing dishes..

And how can I relax? A beer? NOPE can't do that anymore because I have HPPD from psychedelics.

I'm sick of the mental anxiety. I don't have any physical anxiety but it hurts everywhere. I could barely cut the potatoes because there was so many of them and I had to stand up - Zombified on the Invega injection. It's like trying to do anything on risperidone.. You know what that's like? Right? Or something like that.. But I did it.. And now I have to panic as a consequence or something maybe idk ****.
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  #202  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 04:34 PM
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My sis is ordering a doggie dna Roll Call 174 test....should be fun Roll Call 174


I want one of those
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  #203  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 04:39 PM
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Went and spent the day with my friend. We watched Jurassic Park and played videogames
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  #204  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 04:46 PM
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I think the metformin gave me low blood sugar when I was there, because I didn't think to bring lunch along and all I had eaten was a small bowl of oatmeal in the morning. I suddenly started feeling hot and shaky and nauseous so I ran across the street from his apartment to the store to get something to eat then once I ate I felt better. I was worried because for a second I thought I was gonna puke in the store or at his place.
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  #205  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 04:54 PM
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He has a really friendly cat named Poe, I hadn't seen him in a long time, he definitely grew. Was nice to see both of them
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  #206  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 04:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Well, my sister just talked to me. She said what we could do was a trial run, where I take her for a couple weeks and if it really doesn't work out then I could just give her back. I said I'd do that because I really want a cat again and I'm willing to try hard to take care of her
That's an excellent idea. Roll Call 174Roll Call 174
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  #207  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 05:02 PM
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Had a panic attack. Idk why - Could be cuz of the invega idk.. took 2.5mg alprazolam.. Gonna take a zopiclone maybe and sleep. Work in the morning.


I'm not taking the Vyvanse in the morning - I'm gonna take it at 10pm. I'll be a complete zombie in the morning and might not even get out of bed but I think this radical change might help.


Wish me luck...
Somehow, taking a stimulant at bedtime seems counterintuitive. And you lied to your pdoc, 2.5 Xanax is more than .5.
  #208  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 05:04 PM
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Possible trigger:
Are you feeling any better today? Roll Call 174
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  #209  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 05:10 PM
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Roll Call 174
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  #210  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 05:12 PM
Job 30 26 Job 30 26 is offline
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@bpcyclist all the sleep meds you listed the other day: remeron, restoril, seroquel those are all of the ones i tried, plus i think you mentioned a mood stabilizer too... I'm on one. Geodon is suppose to make me sleepy but it does't when I take it at night, only when I take it in the morning which I never do or else I sleep at work (literally). My pdoc wants to put me on Latuda and I will one I get health insurance when the market opens up. Ambien puts me to sleep but I wake up at 4am and can't fall back to sleep.
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  #211  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 05:14 PM
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im feeling better mentally today, worse physically
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  #212  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 05:15 PM
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just woke up. I feel sick
Did you take anything last night? I hope you're ok.
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  #213  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 05:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Job 30 26 View Post
@bpcyclist all the sleep meds you listed the other day: remeron, restoril, seroquel those are all of the ones i tried, plus i think you mentioned a mood stabilizer too... I'm on one. Geodon is suppose to make me sleepy but it does't when I take it at night, only when I take it in the morning which I never do or else I sleep at work (literally). My pdoc wants to put me on Latuda and I will one I get health insurance when the market opens up. Ambien puts me to sleep but I wake up at 4am and can't fall back to sleep.
Have you been on Thorazine? I'm on it for voices but it helps with my sleep too
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  #214  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 05:30 PM
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Dinner was chips ahoy cookies
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  #215  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 05:37 PM
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Did you take anything last night? I hope you're ok.
I didn't take anything that I don't usually take.
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  #216  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 07:00 PM
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so sleepy
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  #217  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 08:00 PM
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Roll Call 174
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  #218  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 08:24 PM
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Have the window open tonight since it's windy out. Had a thunderstorm earlier.
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  #219  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 09:19 PM
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Today turned out great...Starbucks latte for breakfast, Chinese for lunch, chili’s for dinner including cheesecake....

Went to the sculpture park and the river walk and a farm where I got some cherry butter. Managed to convince the bf hiding out wasn’t cool.
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  #220  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 09:43 PM
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WA in a way it sounds like you benefit from other people running your life ie teachers etc.....most people aren’t going to do that for you. I’m not sure what’s up with your indecision but maybe therapy can help with that? For me when I started having adhd I was the same way...I would try something and then the next minute try something else....what worked for me were omega 3 supplements, mostly DHA.....I believe you mentioned trying them? They certainly don’t work for everyone though.

Can you make a list of possibilities then do some coin toss magic? It’s not what you think though...the coin toss will tell you your gut reaction....if you get heads and are kinda like hmmm not happy then you know not to do that thing. If you’re happy with th outcome do it.
I've tried EPA fish oil for years, I don't know if it helped or not. I tried DHA for a little while. Maybe I should give it another go.

And I may try the coin toss thing. I have tried to work on this before in therapy, but it hasn't helped much so far, as evidenced by my indecision still. Oh well.

Thanks.
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  #221  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 10:13 PM
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I didn't take anything that I don't usually take.
That's good.
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  #222  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 10:17 PM
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I've tried EPA fish oil for years, I don't know if it helped or not. I tried DHA for a little while. Maybe I should give it another go.

And I may try the coin toss thing. I have tried to work on this before in therapy, but it hasn't helped much so far, as evidenced by my indecision still. Oh well.

Thanks.
Oh and also my pdoc just keeps changing things so that can't help either.

And I usually attribute everything to meds.

I feel like my pdoc makes counterintuitive decisions.

Like, he says things like "we should keep things the same" and "I think it's unhelpful to make so many changes so fast". Yet that's exactly what he does. I think the meds are a very counterintuitive science. It's the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" science.

I clearly don't understand his decision-making process.

I also don't think that meds can do everything. Don't get me wrong, meds have helped in the past, but they're not everything I do to keep my mood up.

I dislike how everyone around me acts like the meds are the only thing propping me up.

Yet they have terrible side effects. I just hate how my pdoc labels everything. It's like everything has to have a cause. Like everything I experience is able to be traced back to a cause. That idea is b.s. in my opinion. I also hate how every therapist I have had just says "oh well the meds clearly help you" to me. They are just the psychiatrists' parrots in my humble opinion.

People often use my words against me, including therapists. If I one time say that meds help me, they'll use those words against me. I don't know what I'm trying to prove here. Just trying to get my thoughts out.
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Last edited by WastingAsparagus; Aug 29, 2020 at 10:32 PM. Reason: added some stuff
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  #223  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 11:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Job 30 26 View Post
@bpcyclist all the sleep meds you listed the other day: remeron, restoril, seroquel those are all of the ones i tried, plus i think you mentioned a mood stabilizer too... I'm on one. Geodon is suppose to make me sleepy but it does't when I take it at night, only when I take it in the morning which I never do or else I sleep at work (literally). My pdoc wants to put me on Latuda and I will one I get health insurance when the market opens up. Ambien puts me to sleep but I wake up at 4am and can't fall back to sleep.
Oh, bummer. Melatonin maybe?
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  #224  
Old Aug 30, 2020, 09:45 AM
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Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus View Post
I've tried EPA fish oil for years, I don't know if it helped or not. I tried DHA for a little while. Maybe I should give it another go.

And I may try the coin toss thing. I have tried to work on this before in therapy, but it hasn't helped much so far, as evidenced by my indecision still. Oh well.

Thanks.
The dha fish oil takes at least a month to kick in if not longer.....
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  #225  
Old Aug 30, 2020, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus View Post
Oh and also my pdoc just keeps changing things so that can't help either.

And I usually attribute everything to meds.

I feel like my pdoc makes counterintuitive decisions.

Like, he says things like "we should keep things the same" and "I think it's unhelpful to make so many changes so fast". Yet that's exactly what he does. I think the meds are a very counterintuitive science. It's the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" science.

I clearly don't understand his decision-making process.

I also don't think that meds can do everything. Don't get me wrong, meds have helped in the past, but they're not everything I do to keep my mood up.

I dislike how everyone around me acts like the meds are the only thing propping me up.

Yet they have terrible side effects. I just hate how my pdoc labels everything. It's like everything has to have a cause. Like everything I experience is able to be traced back to a cause. That idea is b.s. in my opinion. I also hate how every therapist I have had just says "oh well the meds clearly help you" to me. They are just the psychiatrists' parrots in my humble opinion.

People often use my words against me, including therapists. If I one time say that meds help me, they'll use those words against me. I don't know what I'm trying to prove here. Just trying to get my thoughts out.
Is your pdoc changing things at your request though or just randomly? If it’s at your request then that’s a responsive pdoc and often a good thing.

Meds definitely aren’t the only thing...I know that I use a variety of cbt techniques including self care and even a small amount of retail therapy.
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