Roll Call 192

I had therapy last night. I talked to my T about my anxiety. Also talked to her about seeing grey shadowy figures. She says I am doing good because I am using a lot of skills and tools. So even though I am having hallucinations I am able to do some self talk to get myself through them. This feels good. I was having anxiety this morning, like really bad, but I dealt with it (without medication) and got my work done at work, and even got ahead for tomorrow! I was sick yesterday with a really bad migraine and stayed home from work. Usually I can work through them but this one was gnarly. So I had a lot to catch up on at work but it only took me like three hours. My anxiety feels pretty manageable at the moment.

Changed my mind. I'm going. I haven't socialized much in a long time and my craving for socialization is overriding everything else.

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Hope you have a fun time!

Thanks! I'm in love with her! I love all cats but I especially love my kitties of course! She went to bed with me when I went to bed last night and she was walking all over me and my head board and then into the window behind my curtains and black out curtains and then all over the bed. It was fun!

Change of plans, not going after all. I’m not being indecisive. I got ready and everything, I was feeling nauseous earlier and I thought I could ignore it but I just spent the past 15 minutes in the bathroom throwing up. I want to go now but I don’t want to get anyone sick if I’m sick and I don’t want to risk being down there and not being able to make it to a bathroom in time in case it happens again. I don’t know if it’s from anxiety, med side effects or what or some kind of flu or a combo of any of them but I’m staying in tonight.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

HUGS I hope you feel better soon!

I'm bored at work now.

Hope that you feel better soon!

I just want to be alone. I shouldn't try to make friends. Bad idea.

I drank rum cuz it's just how I am. I guess just wait for the SSRI, AP to kick in. I'm really OK without meds - Just people get concerned. And I guess cuz I get suicidal. I know you're all probably disappointed in me, but all of these things... I've been doing on and off for decade. I get intrusive thoughts about bad memories - All I seem to remember. Not many people understand, and I found some sort of comfort in the glorification of drugs. I want to study, learn, grow, thrive - And I do - More than ever. Things are OK. I don't want to just tell everyone what is ideal to them. This is me and how I deal with things. I'm positive half of the time, other half = sui. But I haven't died, from either. Take it or leave it.

I have little energy to keep up with anything. I want to be somewhere else than here.

I hope that you find some peace, Desoxyn. Waiting for new meds to kick in really sucks.

I feel like I force myself to be positive too much. The reality is things suck right now. And I have this trip planned with my whole family that I just don't want to bother with. I know they'd freak out if I didn't go. Part of me wants not to go though.

Yeah same. I feel like I'm slowly entrenching to the hospital. I have a vacation planned to Greece in the fall. I don't want to go - And I love to travel. Idk wtf is happening with this reality. All I'm doing is hanging onto life.

And some people have it good - Like me. I wonder, wtf happens if my parents dies, my brother, sister.. What will they do? I've had many dreams of being in a technological, drug infested wasteland or alien civilization on another planet... I feel like that's where I'm destined.. It slowly just creeps up on anyone, and will for all.

But I'll always be empathetic and understanding to everyone, look on the bright side, and try. With support, every good thing. That's what doesn't die. Suffering comes and goes as well so idk

My whole family hurts when I'm like this. I don't want to cause them pain - And it's the same for you likely. I can't help it.

I try to be honest about everything but it hurts so much

Same here. I try to be honest with my family and stuff, but I can see that it hurts them, so in turn it hurts me.

The instacart driver never delivered my order…luckily I got refunded but how lame because the whole point was not to shop.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Ugh. That's annoying!

That sucks, hope you're able to get some food

I just had an order from Amazon today that was supposedly delivered but I wasn't They delivered it and they key to the parcel box was in my mailbox but when I opened the locker there was nothing in there

It was a cheap item so I'm not super concerned. I'll contact them after 24 hours is up for a refund if it doesn't turn up.

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

I feel like I'm in purgatory

I submitted the appointment request for Mustachio to get spayed and all her shots. I put the $30 deposit down. I added every optional package (flea meds, nail trim, inflatable cone for after her surgery, etc..) and the total will be $243 but if I provide proof at time of appointment of being on assisted income I get a $100 discount. Just waiting on an email confirmation from them, will probably receive it tomorrow.

The appointment is for June 16th, that's the soonest they had available so I grabbed it before the slots were filled

Thank you! I'm looking forward to sleeping tonight, I just took my night meds

I found a lot of articles that really helped me. I'm very tired but I'm OK.

I feel like this frequently
Or as if I’m in hell
Hugs

Went ahead and tested myself for COVID just in case, it was negative so it's probably food poisoning or something

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Goodnight. I'm having hallucinations from the lack of sleep. I'm going to see if I can fall asleep now. I hope so. And I feel very disconnected

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk