Roll Call 200

So my bf and I worked out a thing where I pay for half my violin lessons and he pays for the other half (per month). He insisted so that's what we're doing. That's a lot easier for me financially And once my other stuff/obligations is taken care of I'll start paying for all of them on my own. I got my violin scales book that my teacher recommended

My first lesson is half off, so $20 for 30 minutes which is doable, and after that it increases to $40 per lesson, so it will be that 4 times a month, so I'll pay $80 a month and my bf will pay $80 a month, until I can start paying the full $160 a month myself.

I'm really excited to get back into playing violin seriously. Gonna try to stay super consistent with my lessons for 2-3 years and see what kind of progress I make

Kangaroo loin - seasoned with salt, pepper, paprika and garlic. Roasted potatoes - seasoned with seasoning salt, basil, garlic, and paprika. Broccolini - seasoned with garlic and lemon juice.

Very yummy! My sister isn’t a huge fan of the kangaroo because of the texture (it’s a little tougher than beef). Taste wise it’s kind of like lamb only sweeter.

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That looks good Cogladaid!

Me and my bf watched the movie Kick-*** today and also played the yugioh card game

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Broke up with my girlfriend today - do not feel good about it.

Also I have a translation project due Monday that I am not that close to finishing, and I'm not sure I can finish it due to my emotional state.

I guess I'm just gonna make a coffee and try to crank the translation out. If it's not my best work who cares, I guess.

I'm ****ed up and I have zero power in this reality pattern of horrors - I give it all away to the snakes, slithering around the ones (Most people) that should know better.

Found out there’s a 2020 series of the Digimon anime show (the original series were in like 1997, which I’ve watched all like 300 something episodes of and have on dvd) these are on Hulu though and I have that so I’m watching the 2020 series now. There’s 67 episodes. I love Digimon. I don’t care if I’m almost 30. I will always love things like Digimon, Pokémon, games , etc

Anyway, plans for tomorrow are to clean my apartment, set up my new violin, and practice. And take a shower.

This coming week I have my monthly meeting with my program manager and inspection. Volunteer shift on Tuesday. Some building events. Exercise. Clean more. Grocery shopping again. And practicing. Then next Saturday I have my first violin lesson and Sunday I’m going to my friends house to play spycraft and watch Digimon.

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I’m doing well in terms of like anxiety, I have been getting out nearly every day and my anxiety has lessened a lot. Not drinking 8 cups of coffee a day probably helps a lot. I’ve just been doing decaf in the morning and that’s it. I’m less shaky. And I haven’t dissociated in almost a week. Less paranoid too. And in a better mood.

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Sorry

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Maybelle laid on me a couple times today. She’s so sweet. Mustachio is too, I woke up with her purring and licking my nose lol

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Psilocybin makes me feel so much empathy and cry =[

I have to make sure to not take it, if I have a "family history of schizophreina or bipolar disorder"...

Thanks, I am trying to be positive and focus on the positive things we had.

My violin came!!

I had 5-6 hours of sleep every night (For 3 nights) - But woke up an hour early this morning - Craziest dreams that are possible..

Did my work quickly, and left work at noon, had a shower quickly etc. All good.

I was less tired and mood was greater when I started writing this (Before I had a shower). Oh well.

You all get what you get...

No heart palps anymore though! They are magically gone. Possibly cuz of exercise, or the spike proteins (From the covid vaccine) are clearing from my system (Cuz I'm healthier than most people).

I was learning about medicinal mushrooms two nights ago (My mom bought me a book). They can have benefits such as "Antioxidant, immunoregulatory, anti-inflammatory, anti-microbial, reduce triglycerides, blood Sugar Balancing, anti-aging, neuroprotective/nootropic, kidney and liver protective, hormone balancing, aphrodisiac and libido enhancing" etc..

The pharmacology can be really complicated.

That’s awesome. Your b/f will help you out, playing instruments can be quite cathartic.

I’m the same with my guitar playing, just 15 mins a day is already getting my finger strength and skills back.

I should be better than I am but I just need consistency and I’ll get there.

The best advice I’ve heard is don’t practice being wrong, just take it slow and it’ll come in time

I’m doing okay todays, I’m still sleeping in until afternoons but hoping to change that.

I’ve just been binging Prison Break on Disney+ and now I’ve finished, I’m started on Bones

Thats awesome and thank you for the advice!

I'm aiming to practice 30 minutes a day. I have a violin mute I can put on my violin which lowers the sound a ton but I still don't want to be practicing for long hours because I don't want to bother my neighbors.

Here is a good video I found the other day by the psychiatrist Dr. Tracy Marks that talks about specifically the benefits of playing a musical instrument versus just listening to music. I found it interesting

I..

I was just too young to see!

I was just too young to see..

(+ Avoidance, abuse, severe isolation, drugs, and neglect - Of course).

Then the trip.

Remember, me ... repeating my traumas. I apologize. I'll be okay.



It'll be okay. It's all little bit heavenly.

It's a little bit SICK.

Something's in the way
Somethin' has to change
It's killing me
Silence in the heart
Sickness in the brain
Now I know

I got some candy the SW was saving for me in her office, but I'm a moron the more forgetful I get. I knocked, but I thought she was still on vacation. I tried the doorknob and it opened so I thought I'd wait for her in her office. Bad decision. Her door was closed because she didn't want to be bothered! She was working and I barged right in. I am so stupid.

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Got a good 12 hour sleep. Not sleep deprived anymore!

What a beautiful day

Yesterday was exactly 4 years ago, since my last cigarette ^-

I’m trying to find a part time job. It’s hard though because no place I’ve applied to has given me a chance, probably simply due to my lack of experience. No one wants to hire a 29 year old without work experience