Roll Call 200

2am. Much better feelings, but gotta sleep.. Ignore all my nonsense sorry guys.

I had my first DBT group yesterday. It went pretty well. Everybody's really friendly, and it's okay if you have no clue wtf you're doing. We have homework to challenge certain myths around interpersonal relationships.

It felt like I was in recovery from bulimia but in reality I went from severe to mild. Which is good. It's steps forward. Last night was just awful though. I don't know what I did, but I made myself really physically sick after purging (lightheaded, headache, tired, weak, shakey, kinda confused/loopy). I still have the headache and I'm queasy.

And I'm done with the alcohol once I run out and the marijuana (and anything else that might tempt me).

Weird thing happened last night. I was wide awake around 3am waiting for the sun to wake up and I heard my mom say "Come here and see this spirit!" so I went to her room and she woke up and asked me what the hell I was doing there. First non-hypnogogic hallucination in months. I am pretty sleep-deprived (and then there's the mj use) so I think it's more so that than the sza.

I think today is going to be a good day even though I physically feel like crap.

Today is a good day

Have an appointment with my therapist in about 40 minutes from now. I still haven’t mentioned that I’m in a relationship, and we’ve been together for over 2 months now. I think I’ll bring it up today. I wasn’t hiding it or anything I just didn’t want anyone to think I was being impulsive. But it’s been going well.

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My appointment went well. I told her about my boyfriend. She said she was happy for me , she is gonna email me some scanned pages of a CBT workbook she has, a chapter on self esteem tomorrow. Since we talked about my anxiety, dissociation, and me having possible auditory hallucinations that people are talking about me whispering about me and laughing at me when they’re not, paranoia etc. anyway it was a good appointment

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Had a productive day at work. Ran out of work so I made up some workouts in my book I take with me to the gym. Like HIIT (hit intensity interval training) workouts. Basically doing a bunch of exercises all in a row in quick succession and then having a break (rather than do one exercise - break - one exercise - break).

Anyway I’m going to do one today but first I wanted to do deadlifts and bench press so I’m doing that.

I’m happy I did a 135lb deadlift! My personal record is 260lb when I was super fit so I hope to get back there quickly. Gotta work for it!



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Loving the trend of one shoe pics

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Size 12 women’s in case you were wondering

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SPAM!

Now I’m doing bench press 75lb. My personal record was 160lb.



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It would be funny if the regulars here changed their avatars to shoe pics like muddy boots just to make people wonder even more about us.

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Reading or some podcast today.. Goals.. Less corruption news.

I had heart palps last night (I think cuz of the fish oil from the salmon - I'm sensitive to that).

Heart palps tear my confidence down more than anything possible.

I'll continue reading the book "Limitless - By Jim Kwik" =] Then search some good podcasts, and listen to one outside =] It'll be good =]

On book 4 of Paradise Lost, I really need to finish book 4 tomorrow for the group read. No migraine today. My liver recovered, I chalk it up to no pop or alcohol, and I drink coffee every morning now. Yep, Coffee is great for the liver, and so is curry, I had potato curry today, so I was very healthy.

I'm going to do my taxes this weekend too, I know it's late, but I didn't have the money. Now I do, plus I should get a grand in return so that should be nice. Anyone know how long it takes to get a tax return?

Got a new iPhone, it's okay, but the feature I love most about it is that I dont need to have the screen on when playing a movie, which means I can listen to movies while I work without draining the battery. Been listening to True Detective while at work, what a great series! Really impressed with the story telling.

Sorry ladies, you need to pay me for my shoe photos, I have bad habits I have to pay for!

Oh no, that would be weird

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You’re so right lol…weird.

...... =/

Reality is a bit absurd for me. Philosophize with me Job =[

=]

I work tomorrow.. At least I have a job, keeps me somewhat stable.

I do although, want to make ~5-10 million, put it in crypto (So the government can't control me), and live somewhere safe, nice.

I'd probably have to make a bit more, for my family.

And then I can do the things I enjoy, help people out with the money, go towards a spiritual path.

That's my plan.. If it were before the 90's, I'd go to school and become neuropsychopharmacologist (But I think all things have been developed enough, idk.. I'm interested in that stuff - But maybe not enough, if I'm to be honest).

Idk I'm trying.. Don't hate me... lol

You guys are so weird I love it

I don’t know if you can see my foot in my pic though. Just the barbell.

Anyway, I made a pretty breakfast.

I don’t usually eat bananas but this protein salted caramel peanut butter screamed banana for me.



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My avatar came out upside down but it has my shoe in it and Mustachio

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Fixed it

I have a volunteer shift on Monday morning prepping and serving meals at that place I sometimes volunteer at. Then I have my regular volunteer shift on Tuesday working with the cats.

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Protein salted caramel peanut butter sounds amazing!

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