Roll Call 200

Why does anyone try to do anything good for their community, when people are fleeing the country, taking everything for themselves - It's just survival at this point. My psychiatrist might want to help people, but I'm sure he has existential crises as well.

He's giving me Big Pharma poison of course, and I take other poison willingly, and everything is poison. The world has rotted to the core, and is bloated - Just people scavenging..

There's nothing real here. What am I to make sense of anything - Sure, we all die.. And people are to just live life.. But it's all short term delusion of safety etc.

Just throw me out on the streets. That's what I deserve. It'll happen to most people anyways. And the other side of this thought exercise? Make as much money as I can in panic for survival - Or something. Yeah I can be grateful for something that will last a year maybe - Or 5 minutes, before I have a stroke.

It's insane.

It's funny that I'm still even alive. I knew all of this would happen. But I didn't expect to witness it, and be here.

Oh man I am exhausted. I have slept a grand total of 5 hours in over 72 hours

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That happens to me too, except closer to 5am.

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Sorry guys, nvm I feel a little better lol. Maybe pregabalin Idk. I'll figure this out.

Christ BB! Are you okay? You need more sleep...

Yeah I am, and yeah I definitely do. My mind just hasn’t been able to shut off

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I don't know if I'm having a hard time anymore

Listening to music in a daze while I wait for my meds to kick in so I can sleep.

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He’s been sleeping on me on and off all day.

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I need to get on cleaning tomorrow. I’ve put it off and my apartment looks like some kind of depression nest from the past few days where I’ve literally laid around doing nothing for 4 days except thinking too much and avoiding people

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Really didn't sleep again last night. I tried everything, but I just couldn't fall asleep, it's the PTSD. And dont think that my ptsd is bad, it's not, it's just insomnia from my parasympathetic system tweaked. It use to be terrible, then I fixed it, and here we are again. I'm on the hardest sleep meds possible that I'm willing to take too. I really hate taking benzo's because they cause dementia, and so many of the other sleep meds prevent me from reading and writing.

God morning, I slept pretty good. Going to clean today

I ordered cat litter so I I don’t have to take 5 trips to the store to carry back heavy 7-14lb bags of litter. I ordered a 35lb bag of cat litter. I’m going to the store today to get a bag just to get them through till it’s delivered Wednesday. Should get them through a few weeks.

Anyway, other than that practicing ukulele for a couple hours and watching a movie

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I went to the store and bought cat litter and came home to a notification that the cat litter I ordered is suddenly being delivered today lol the cats are all set for a good 3 or more weeks now.

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I get to go to the shelter tonight, clean up feces and vomit, medicate some kitties (and play with them) They email me like 8 times a day to keep me updated on the cat's conditions and what to do with them (Cooper had diarrhea-give him this medication, give Whiskers grain free poultry free wet food, Prissy got transported, take Beau down to Concord, put pretty litter in cage 11, etc.).

But that's not until tonight. I wish I had an AM shift.

I am
314 days opiate free
94 days meth free
18 days b/p free
2 days mj free
7 days sh free
5 days alcohol free

Chewy accidentally sent me additional stuff to what I ordered. I ordered a 35lb bag of litter. They sent that, plus an additional 35lb bag of litter, a 25lb box of litter, and a box of 24 cans of friskies cat food I messaged them to tell them they accidentally sent me a bunch of extra stuff, I’m waiting to hear back from them.

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Hopefully they just let you keep it

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That would be great lol

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They said I can keep it since it was their mistake
So the cats are all set as far as litter for a couple months and have enough food dry and wet for over a month (wet over a month, dry they have enough of for a couple months)

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That’s awesome!! What a great start to the day.

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Yeah it is

I’m happy about it. It’s definitely helpful and will help me save money for a couple months

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I hope your shift goes well it’s a lot of work but the kitties appreciate everything you do for them. I have my shift tomorrow

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I started playing a game on my tablet called Covet Fashion (it’s available on apple, android, etc) anyway it’s a free game. You basically style outfits/looks for specific challenges and whatnot. You can judge other people’s designs and have yours judged (by other actual people in real life) it’s actually a lot of fun. I’m not really much into fashion but it’s a fun game and mindless and is less effort than playing a huge RPG on my Nintendo switch or Xbox, which I sometimes don’t have the focus or attention span or motivation for. I do love those types of games too. But sometimes it’s just fun to pick up a game and play whenever without having to worry about remembering a storyline or combat combinations or what you’re doing when you last saved.

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Gonna push myself to take a shower today. Really don’t feel like it but I need one.

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