the use of imagery in discarding old self....

My past has such power over my emotions, bad, empty memories....I'm always second guessing myself, is this the same me?

I don't like my past of loneliness and emptiness yet hey, that WAS WHO I WAS THEN.

I feel like living a happier, more social life is denying that part of me I was for so long, dismal as that girl was.

I'm trying to picture that younger girl I was, clinging to ways to fill my life without friends, trying to find meaning when life seemed, in short, to have absolutely no meaning at all...I try to picture her, then giving her over to a guardian angel, who lets her go into a world where she is more suited..

...then the me as I am now comes out and starts living, finding meaning effortlessly in everything..

but I do believe I need something more visual to discard these bored and anger turned inward memories..

perhaps I need an art therapist? Any websites about art therapy ( something low cost I can research on my own)

Or how do people visually help themselves, how do we become products of our past.......and not prisoners of our past.......

hi JuneRain.....

for me, i imagine my inner, rather than outer self in my imagery... its there that the wounds and scars remain, not on the surface outside of me, tho they do project from me to 'out there'...

if i imagine that center of me, the one who has been there throughout my lifetime, that face hasnt really changed.... it hurt at times, got mad, broke things, made mistakes, loved.... all human behavours...

i imagine a spot between my eyes... that area has changed little... its nearly the same as when i was a child... its there that i 'image' 'me' and its there that i can give healing and love to myself....

i like to keep it simple...

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nowheretorun said:
i like to keep it simple...

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Me too NWTR....

When I take the time to imagine like a man and wish like a child..I love to be with my Dogs who are able to mix those two states of mind into one.

One a recent trip to a beach I live close to my Dusty decided he could fly...



And he could...

I can to,,but not nearly as well as he can...

Lenny

a person can use any image they gain a 'feeling' for... somehow might 'make the juices flow' ... i meditate with it a while... think whatever thoughts cross my mind , then, glance at the image... i let it tell me its secrets...

Junerain

My best images are sometimes taken from my past. My inner being.
So to speak. Places where I found peace and peace came to me.
One such place has the river there. "Water sounds" Big old trees
with a cement dock. I could see 2 countries from there. Also the lake.
I would watch the sun set. The colors "such peace it still brings me.
Sometimes just closing my eyes and centering myself "letting no noise in. or events of the day. Knowing at that moment I matter .
No matter what anyone has said to me that day or in my whole life I try to let the peace in at that moment and the hurt go.
hope that helps as I sometimes have a hard time explaining myself
muffy

Are you familiar with Lucia Capacchione? She is an art therapist and has several books that I've found to be helpful.

This one was fun http://www.amazon.com/Recovery-Your-...7073398&sr=8-3

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Junerain said:
My past has such power over my emotions, bad, empty memories....I'm always second guessing myself, is this the same me?

I don't like my past of loneliness and emptiness yet hey, that WAS WHO I WAS THEN.

I feel like living a happier, more social life is denying that part of me I was for so long, dismal as that girl was.

I'm trying to picture that younger girl I was, clinging to ways to fill my life without friends, trying to find meaning when life seemed, in short, to have absolutely no meaning at all...I try to picture her, then giving her over to a guardian angel, who lets her go into a world where she is more suited..

...then the me as I am now comes out and starts living, finding meaning effortlessly in everything..

but I do believe I need something more visual to discard these bored and anger turned inward memories..

perhaps I need an art therapist? Any websites about art therapy ( something low cost I can research on my own)

Or how do people visually help themselves, how do we become products of our past.......and not prisoners of our past.......

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would like to see follow up on this Junerain? interesting topic

Thank you nowheretorun..

I looked up the book that was recommended on this thread, which was alongside the amazon website with other books often bought at the same time......I noticed many books recommending journaling, power journaling, drawing what you feel deep down.....so I've been doing this.....I found a lot of what I feel is anger, as I try so hard to understand and help people, and I do not get that in return......... I have devoted my life to helping others yet no one takes the time to 'get.....' me, just rude comments about how different I am....well, that was then, I've molded my personality to fit the damn world, yet I still find social chameleons and INFJ's are not in the norm...everyone demands straight answers from me, where I just want to tell a visual story, an emotional story, where there is no clear cut this way or that way in my mind, just intense stories with feeling, no clear answers to anything, at all.....I'm tired of being rare. Who created the personalities that run rampant in this world that judge, condone, mock, control, and just flat out be annoying for the sake of being annoying. It's like I was dropped on this planet with no instructions for life..wait I guess that's it, there are no instructions for life...ESPECIALLY if you are highly sensitive, suggestible, emotional, and histrionic on top of that. Yes, I have been happier now....but what about the years 2001-2006 where I got fired from every job I had ( a total of 58 jobs I got fired from for 58 different reasons....)("there's just something different about you" "The way you asked to go to the bathroom" "You seem to be in slow motion" "You aren't friendly" "You don't talk to me like my other employees do" etc etc

Shouldn't there be some way to find your niche like I finally did, but was trying and trying to all along? Have I neglected my TRUE self, now that I have a brimming social life and more superficiality than I ever had? Is it because my parents are poor parents emotionally? I have so many questions, yet I suppose _I_ am the only one who holds the answers....is it anger at myself? at God? Writing this has been cathartic...not sure wherein the answer lies.......just that there are no answers....

one of my favorite songs is called "Knowbody Knows" by Billy Squier....

some words " we all got something that we care about, i propose you find it out..."

i see your hearts on the boards Junerain and it always lifts my heart to read your posts.. not once have i read one that didnt open a feeling of real admiration...

i'm sorry if thats too much to say, but just reading your posts gives me a good and warm feeling...

thanks for all the good warmies : )

I don't think we can discard old selves as they're part of us too and we'll end up split instead of whole and where we want to be. I think we have to incorporate everything into the weave/mixture of our life.

Junerain, have you read Women Who Run with the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes? The library will have it. That might help you.

If you feel like people don't understand you, it's because they don't. - This is what a woman's studies teacher told me after I took the Myers-Briggs. It cleared up a lot for me.

Women who run with the wolves......it even sounds good.....on amazon I read about it and it touched my heart deeply, beautifully......it's 7am right now but when Barnes and Noble opens I will request it feeling spiritually creative at the moment........

a little update here.......nowheretorun said he could see my hearts on the boards well I especially let my hurt heart out on this particular post............
I've still been knawing away on this one, on being a product of my past and not a prisoner of my past...especially, the empty feeling of my past empty and humiliated. I spoke with my cousin to-nite and he said we all have crosses to bear, even people without such grave illnesses do. He said I probably will never forget what happened to me, all those times I was fired with different strange reasons each time, losing the family I loved, being called 'weird' over and over, having parents fail me as human beings, all of these things, try as I might, I will never forget them. When the terrible empty memory comes up, my cousin said, acknowledge it, know that yes, that was me then, that was my emotion then, that outside circumstance happened then, but know that no, that is not how I feel now, that is not who I am now, Junerain is a different Junerain, not even a better Junerain, just changed. I look to the dog pictured earlier in the post, leaping across the eternal oceanside water, free to be who he is regardless of such evil so prevalent in this world, perhaps not his world. For my next lifetime, perhaps it will be more simple, not bound with such ugliness I have seen deep in people's hearts, perhaps I will have my sanity, my dignity, and even a little joy. I do believe God knows who has attacked and hurt me, called me names, just for being eccentric. And it is my profound hope that one day they will be punished in the same manner this life I have found myself in has been some sort of punishment or vindetta against me.................

That is just how I maintain balance, knowing that God does know, and care and He can handle it and them much, much better than anything or anyway I could. Releasing it is sooooo good for us.

(((Junerain))))))

you are expressing hurt and even some anger over mistreatments youve had in the past and possibly fear that you still are not shielded from it happening again... fate, God, whatever you want to call it has brought around full circle to see the past in the rear view mirror... the future is whats before you and in his Grace God has shown you there is a beautiful ahead that you may be part of, in fact, you have a lot of control in its very creation... you know insode what you love most, want most.. you are a sharing and caring person and those with that goal are guided by many many helpful others who you will meet in your travels towards your beautiful sunset... i know you have the heart in you for this and it is your dream and hope.. i believe with all my heart you will get there even tho there is tumbleweeds in this great desert of life at times there is oasis... how creations beauty does prosper with healthy nourishment Junerain...

Junerain, I do believe that we become "better" people throughout all our pain and trials. I am a stronger person because of my abuse. In understanding the "why" it happened is what made me who I am today; a more understanding, caring empathetic person with what a cousin of mine said is "a God-given sense of right and wrong". None of it was my fault. The faulty ones were my biological parents and their parents before them. They in turn were victims of their parents and their environment. It doesn't make it right but it is what it is.

My faith is what has helped me come through all the garbage that was thrown in my way. I've learned that forgiveness frees me up to live in the now and leaving vengance to God is better than anything I could come up with to punish my abusers. I've seen it at work. All I had to do was sit back and watch. While some of this punishment from God was going on, I had the freedom to become whom I was meant to be, to find joy and contentment in my life. Some of my rewards physically came through my sons. One of them felt the freedom and self-assurance that I lacked but I had given him. I even got to help him be a fun loving teenager. He is now a very successful businessman with three offices across the US. The other two also have different traits that I wish I had been able to develop but didn't. Yet, I can see myself in them. What a reward that is!

Twelve years of therapy, my faith and the room to be me here on PC has done wonders. Being here on PC has given me the self-esteem, self-assurance mixed with humility that I never dreamt of having.

Life still isn't always easy. I still deal with an inherent sense of loneliness, I still deal with my depression and anxiety from time to time but the friends I've made here help me dispell those feelings. If they are not available, God is always available to listen to me and to keep me company.

I pray for the very best for you. You'll more than likely get it because you're not afraid to reach out and get help doing it.

The way I look at life, it doesn't seem necessary to discard anything old. My like is like a backpacking trip across the wilderness of life. Each day, each step along the way is just all part of the path I am taking through this life. I was dropped into this life with parents. They gave me the initial supplies for the trip.....food, clothing, some guidance (not as much as is really needed as they didn't have it themselves to give), but mostly, the knowledge that God is my guide on this trip through life....a protector in some ways, but definitely never kept the bad things out of my life.....or I never would have learned & survived to learn even more & trust even greater.

As I traveled through my path, I came across beautiful waterfalls, lakes, streams. For the most part, the beginning was lacking any huge major events just feelings & experiences that taught me how to handle the trip a bit better, thoughts that work better than others, & definitely some things that I knew to leave alone farther down the path. Every once in awhile, I would get too close to the camp fire & get singed......learning not to build such a huge fire the next time & not get so close.......or not stick my hot sore feet into the glacier fed lake that looked so nice & refreshing & inviting. Heat & cold can both cause pain if we aren't careful. Each step I took & each fork in the path I chose to follow were just that. They were experiences & decisions made & sometimes I would just sit next to the meadow & watch if for awhile & take it all in, observing for an extended period than just walking through.

I had a destination I was aiming for & wasn't sure the exact path & the directions were definitely NOT clear but God guided me through & let the things happen that needed to happen to develop the skills & thoughts necessary for the future trails ahead. I found that there really wasn't anything to really discard since as I traveled through the path, I looked at steps ahead wondering what was over the next hill or around the next bend......but the past were all steps that I took to where I was.....nothing to get rid of & nothing to dwell on.....just steps necessary to get to where I was & to where I am going.

God has been with me throughout this trip even though at many times, I rather ignored that fact & sometimes blew off any directions other than what was on my own mind. Looking back, I see those were the times when the thunderstrom came up out of nowhere & hit without warning. I took shelter in my little pup tent, trying to keep as dry as possible as rain leaked in through the saturated tent material & the rain came running all around the tent on the ground, wanting to wash me down the canyon. Several times, I also came across a cliff right in the middle of my path. There was no way around it, or down it without crashing to my death & several times, the loose footing under my feet did give way & I crashed & fell very hard getting damaged at the time. It was during those times when people whose path crossed mine at the time were there to help me when I needed it. Even though I would have never admitted it then, I know that God provided that help & I survived the injuries. Several times during the journey, there have been wild animals that were out to harm me & prey on me. They succeeded on taking some huge bites out of me & doing some harm but again, there was help that crossed my path at just the right time to help me survive the injury. All those injuries existed & were all part of my backpacking trip through my life. The supplies I continued to carry with me were things I picked up along the way that I knew would come in handy for the future if I ever came across anything like in the past. Each day were more steps toward my final destination & each experience wasn't something to discard, but something to learn from & to grow with.

When out in the wilderness trails, it is important to share warnings & experiences with others & listen closely to what others offer who cross our path & walk with us for awhile. It is important to keep the information we have gained from ALL the experiences not just the good as it is mostly the bad experiences that we learn from the most. It can mean the difference between surviving & not.

I have also come to realize over the last part of my trip these few years, that God is actually more active in my life that I ever wanted to admit or even allow. It hasn't taken away the rocks to stumble over or the tree limbs that keep wacking me in the head, but what it has done is help put into perspective ALL that has happened in my life (the good, the bad, & the extremely horrible) My path is lit much brighter now than it was before & the beauty is even more brilliant. I am able to see some pitfalls before I fall into them based on my complete past & my acceptance of God's complete guidance of my life now.

Just another way of looking at one's past,
Debbie

Debbie, that is a beautiful way of putting it. Thank you for this!

(((Lenny)))

I can't explain why but that statement touched me, in a very positive way. I'll figure out what the emotion attached with it meant eventually.

I hope someday I can fly as good as any dog. lol

I longed for a story, an emotional, visual story, of heartbreak and redemption, and Eskielover you have given me this gift, using the language that is _my_ language. Life is a story, and I needed to get the big picture, of life itself, and how it evoloves. There may not be answers always, yet we can always share our stories, tell them here, until there is no loneliness in this world. My travels have not been backpacking, they have been with the wind, sailing a clear mountain lake, and I am just beginning to see the beauty, the reflection of what is around me, and most of all, what lies within me

((Junerain)))))

It may well be good for some to use imagery to present yourself with a life now of what you want, or who you really are, not dragged down or muddied by past, but allow yourself to own your passed experiences.

Rise above the current circumstances and feelings, and create the life and person you really are, in your mind, for realizing it.

Hi, June,
I have practiced imagery for some time now. Sometimes I'm more successful than others at this. Recently, my visualization is to be standing on a bridge, looking out at a clean calm stream, while passing under me and behind in the stream is all the past chaos. I can choose to focus on the clean clear stream ahead rather than wallowing in the past muck of the stream behind me. It is a calming meditation.

I also have CD's from the Monroe Institute, which uses innovative sound waves along with visual imagery, relaxation guidance, to feel more positive. If you would like to know more about these CD's, pm me.

Another visualization that I've practiced came from a book I read...can't remember the title, in which the author suggested constructing your "place," your own environment in which you can retreat nightly. I have mine, and I love going there!

Love
Patty

(((((((((((((Junerain))))))))))))))),

Thank you for letting me know how much the visualization of my life touched you. I truely see my life in one continual path going from beginning to end.....all the hills, valleys, streams & beautiful tree lined lakes, along with the rock slides & fallen trees that block my path at times, or cause me to take a detour on the path I'm on. Usually when that happens, there is some wonderful reason that I am not aware of at the time it happens & sometimes I never do know a reason except that I may just need a different view of my path that is better than the one I had been seeing.

Then again, sometimes I am actually in the middle of the rock slide or falling tree when it happens. Again, I have always found there is usually a good reason why something happens even though I may not understand it at the time Even if I am hurt by it, it is usually for a reason unknown to me at the time & may stay unknown for the whole way through my life. Usually at some deeper level I am aware that it was for a good reason not just to harm me. Sometimes it brings someone into my path that I never would have known otherwise & somewhere down the path while we are walking together, we realize the importance of what happened.

I see my life as a path to a destination. but not only does it have paths that travel through scenery & obsticals, but the path also has it's seasons that are traveled through. The path starts in Spring (birth) where new life is beginning, buds fresh & clean, bulbs pushing their stems out from the nothingness. After moving here to Kentucky where I truely observed real seasons, I have an even better picture of this than I ever did when living in California (yet I was still aware of it there). Through the spring there is continual new life, new trees coming into bloom each week, new flowers coming out every day. It seems that each day there is a new life & new flower, a new part of life to experience that just wasn't there the day before. Everything is fresh just as it is when we are children, seeing new things everyday & being amazed at everything around us as it's all NEW. Fresh just as we are at the start of our backpack with energy in every step.

From Spring, we hike into the Summer of our lives, it's a time when we are working hard at getting farther along our path. A time when nothing seems outstanding, things just are. Sometimes this period is very hot, dry, & not always plesant. The days are longer & it gives us more time to put into traveling on our path & seeing & doing more things along the way. Also, some of the seeds that were planted in the spring time of our life start to grow. The fruit on the trees & the gardens planted along the way start to produce nurishment for us to keep us healthy as we continue along our path.

As we continue to travel along our path, we come to the fall. The time when we harvest the things that have been growing throughout the spring & summer of our lives. This is when we get a chance to see everything come together. This is also the time when if we had chosen to end the hike earlyer than we were supposed to, we would never see this wonderful part of our lives. This is truly the reality of my life. I am seeing things come together at this point. I am seeing things that I never would have imagined would have ever been a part of my life & wouldn't have been if I had given up my journey when I had previously wanted to years ago. Traveling farther down the path & over the ridges & down the cliffs, up the rivers & over the glaciers, I can honestly say that I have come to the most beautiful pasture that I never imagined could have existed in my life. Surrounded with trees & leaves changing into the most beautiful warm colours of fall. A sight that none of my dreams or imagination ever were able to produce. Without traveling the route I took, I never would have made it to this pasture as there was no other route that would have taken me here with all the pains & hurt, with all the beautiful experiences & joys. It has taken everything that has been part of my life to this point that has brought me to where I am. So accepting everything along the way as being necessary (even though no one should ever have to have to go through those experiences in their lives) to get me to where I am today is what I look at & am thankful for.

Obviously, winter is still yet to come. I am blessed that I made it to where I am & know that even the winter with it's beautiful snow & the chill in the air has it's own beauty & excitement surrounding it. It is a time when the weather gets in the way of things we may really want to do in our lives, but we have to go on with nature in control. A time to let go of the control we want to have, sit back & focus & appreciate the wonderful things we have been provided in our lives rather than dwell on the bad as life is full of both. We need to focus on the good rather than the bad....for what we focus on is our choice.

I know I constantly have stressful situations tripping me up & taking me on detours still, but as long as I keep my focus on the good & beautiful things in my life, I can keep from loosing sight of my destination & the goals that I really know are mine in this life.

I actually don't focus on this imagry, but when looking at my life, this is how I find that I am living it rather than just as imagry.

Debbie