[tamzinrose]

Hey guys. I just need to tell someone how I feel. 'Cause I know I need help but I'm scared to get help, 'cause this kind of thing isn't the kind of thing people wanna hear. I mean, no one sits around thinking, 'I want someone to come in and tell me they hate themselves and they're depressed and they cut themselves and they're so damned miserable'.
'Cause I am. I think I'm depressed. But I'm not sure. And I feel guilty for being depressed because I don't have a real reason. I mean, on these boards, people have REASONS to feel how they feel and I just totally don't. But I'm so apathetic and so...empty.
I don't know what to do or say anymore.

[Fuzzybear]

Hey tamzin, I don't think it matters if you can't pinpoint a reason for why you are feeling that way (that is one of the things therapists are supposed to help you with)
If you say to the doctor what you have written here hopefully they will help you (I couldn't even say that when I saw them but I will have to try again. growl)

I wish you all the luck in the world and please let us know how you get on,

Bearhugs,
Fuzzy

[Rapunzel]

((((((((Tamzin)))))))))

There is always a reason why you feel the way that you do. You might not know what it is, but you don't feel that way just for nothing. Anyways, the way you feel is the way you feel, and it matters. You deserve help and you deserve to feel better. I understand feeling guilty, because I've been there too (a lot), but you are not doing anything wrong, and it is a good thing to ask for help when you need it. It is a sign of strength.

Maybe you don't wish for people to come and tell you that they are depressed and miserable. When we care about people, we want them to feel good, not bad. But if one of us or someone else you care about did go to you asking for help, wouldn't you want to help them? It's the same in reverse too.

[tamzinrose]

Thanks for the support Fuzzy and Rapunzel. *HUG* for you guys.

Hi there Tamzin

I know about being scared to get help. And I know how hard you are feeling it will be to ask for help. But it is probably the one thing you can do to help yourself right now, and it is the first step to feeling better.

Actually, most of us can't pinpoint reasons for our depression. Not at first, anyway. I'm getting better at it, but it has taken me 20 years to be able to see that one trigger for my depression is stress. And guilt is part of depression. A bgi part! It's something many of us who feel depressed have in common.
I only have three suggestions:
1) Find someone you can tell about how you are feeling. Your dr would be my first suggestion.
2) something I have found helpful is to find out as much as I can. Try the library; they usually have lots of books on depression. Or online is useful too.
3) Be kind to yourself. Try to do something just cos you enjoy it - or used to even! Examples - make yourself a hot chocolate, have a bubbly bath, eat some chocolate....

Take care of you. No matter how bad it seems right now, it will get better in time.

Caroline

[tamzinrose]

*HUG* Thank you Caroline. You're always so nice to me. I think I'll try some of your suggestions.

[BamaSurvivor]

One of the few things that has helped me with my depression and SIing is to write it all down on paper... Even if you can't describe why you are feeling the way you feel... Write that down on a piece of paper, and then scribble over it as hard and fast as you can and then tear it to shreds. I don't know why, but that's been a big help for me. It's like I'm getting all my problems out on that piece of paper and then when I tear it to shreds, it's gone. Maybe that'd help you.

Go take a long or short walk, get your mind clear and enjoy nature a little. Look around you and see the beauty. That helps a lot too.

Like Caroline suggested, do something good for YOU. That will make YOU feel better.

I know where you're coming from. Before I started getting help for my bi polar, I was always miserable and felt so guilty for it. Some days there'd be no real significant reason for me to be depressed, but other days there was big reasons. Either way, I was always depressed. There does come light after all the darkness, tamzinrose. I wish you the best and hope you feel better soon. (((((tamzinrose if wanted))))))

[tamzinrose]

Thanks BamaSurvivor. You guys have all been really helpful and sympathetic. I think I'll be ok. Maybe it's the magic of the virtual hug.

[tamzinrose]

Yeh, so, people who suggested I get help? Big sarcastic thank you! It was majorly sarcastically helpful!

Oh tamzin, I'm sorry. What happened?
C

[tamzinrose]

Ugh happened.

[Rapunzel]

Would you like to tell us about it? I'm sorry that you asked for help and apparently were not helped. Is there anything we can do?

[tamzinrose]

Nah, I don't wanna tell you about it right now. And no, there is nothing you can do to help. Sorry.

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{tamzinrose}}}}}}}}}}

[tamzinrose]

Ty Rap.

[dayzee9]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{tamzinrose, my sweet girl!}}}}}

Your situation takes me back to when I was much younger; when I used cigarettes to burn my arms as a way of control and/or release. You talk about other ppl having reason to write & you don't? It's like the burning; I burned as a release - to get rid of the pain - I burned when I felt so "numb" I had to burn to make sure I could still "feel".

I am assuming that's kind of really like you had a "purpose" and "times" when you don't to write. Others need to hear about your good coping times, as well as your low ones.
We learn from each other around here.

Chin up! peace, dayzee9

[tamzinrose]

Ty dayzee. You have helped a lot. *HUG BACK*