STRUGGLING

I'm really struggling
The urge is so great
It is overwhelming
I can't go out and have a smoke...I quit
There goes that distraction/ stress relief
I have stitches in my shoulder
I need to cut them out
They are due to come out tomorrow/tuesday
But if i cut them out myself I would do more than that
Becoz that is what I need to do
It is there taunting me
I have my back to it but it is there, where I left it from last time
My doc would have a fit if i did it myself
(it was not SI that put them there!!)
I have resisted all other SI for a couple of weeks
this week is the most stressful- so much to do, so many stressors, too much
need to resist need to calm need to breathe need to resist need to distract need to..........................................

((((((((((((irishj)))))))))

honey, I wish I could help, I can offer my hand, an ear to listen, Know you are loved and held here, safe, please dont struggle, I know it's easier said than done, I should listen to my own advice......

love and care, Jin xxxx

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((irishi)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Please try and follow the voice you are hearing. The one telling you to have trained medical people handling your care. I am sorry you are feeling so much emotional pain that you feel there is no other way to cope with what is on your plate right now. Distraction can be a wonderful way to cope. Just a little at a time. Please try and be safe.

BB

((((((((((irishj)))))))))
I hear you on the no smoking thing ... thats one of the things that lead me into a deeper hole with my SI.
Try not to focus on all of the stressors at once ... take things one step at a time, and focus on your breathing. My T use to always say "how you breathe is how you live." I always try and keep that in mind when things are going especially rough.
Try and stay safe, and know you have us here supporting you.
Jacq

thanks jinny, bb and jacq
things are just kinda overwhelming at the moment, coz there is too much going on (and I can't change that unfortunately)...
I even rang my doc this morning to see if there were any cancellations so i could get in earlier but there weren't (and I wasn't about to go into the details why over the phone to the receptionist!).
it sucks how things go so well for a while then everything happens at once and you get swamped and can't get up for a breath...

((((((((((((( irishsj )))))))))))))

((((((((((( irish )))))))))

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now

(((((((((irishsj)))))))))))))

I care about you. Please breathe, and I hope you managed to find a good distraction instead of SIng. I know you can do it.

((((((((((christina, silver queen, fuzzy, jaqc, bb, jinny))))))))))
thanks everyone for the support. It is so much appreciated and helped me overcome this major anxiety and urge. I am pleased to say that I got to the doctors with 2 of the 3 stitches intact, and the wound nicely healed (if I had given in it would have been a VERY diferent story). I know all 3 nurses in the practice well- they have all treated my SIs in the past, and Jo and I had a good laugh over this...she asked how the 1 stitch had come out, I hedged around the truth and smiled, she guessed and asked if it had had any help in coming out. It was all very light hearted and made me feel better esp since I had overcome my urges so much. So all in all I am very pleased with myself.

That's really great Irish! And it's brilliant the nurses at the practice are so professional and kind - if only everyone were like that!

thats fantastic Irish.
i am always here to listen to you

Milly