[wisewoman]

Here i am somewhere about five months from cutting. I feel the urge so strongly right now. But see, I have put boundaries around it. I said I wouldn't hurt myself anymore, I said that I would only use sterile scaples and my t burned them. I am making myself get stuck and it's okay. Stuck so I won't/can't cut? But I feel the need so strongly. My pain is bursting and I don't know what to do.

[NicoleB]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Wisewomen)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom, I just wanted to let you know someone cares. Have you talked to your T about this urge? Your T might be able to give you constructive things to do. My T and I are working on coming up with constructive things that work for me.

Nicole

[ktp]

((((((WW))))))

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's very difficult not to do it when you've got it stuck in your head. It's alot like my OCD, I'm not sure it's not an OCD in and of itself.

I have no words of wisdom. I sit here struggling with my own urges, but I'm just taking comfort in the fact that I haven't acted on it yet. Or maybe I won't at all. Its been a long time for me but the urges still come and go.

All I know is they do pass. Sometimes they don't. Can't beat yourself up too bad, you have alot on your plate right now. It's completely understandable that you'd feel this way.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling, and I just don't know the right things to say. But I care..just wanted you to know that.

((hugs)) again.
Take Care.
Kimberly.

[SweetCrusader]

I'm sorry to hear things are so hard on you. I know you've been through a lot and I think it's very impressive that you haven't cut in so long! Way to go!

Do you have some other ways of coping that you can try? Anything that might ease some of the pain?

(((((((((((((((ww)))))))))))))))

Angela

[Leslie]

((((((((((((((((((((((WW)))))))))))))))))
We are here for you. WOW 5 months that is so great. Keep talking to us and sharing what is on your mind. I know you have been there for me and I want you to know I am here for you now.

Leslie

[Zenobia]

Last week I noticed that there is a possiblity that I use self injury to not think about something else. That sounded dumb. What I mean is that when I self injure then I can worry about the self injury instead of worrying about the things that I was worrying about. Once I did it I could fuss and fret over what I had done thus I put the real issue on the back burner for awhile.

I mention this because I wonder what it is that you are trying to put on the back burner. Would talking about that help the urges?
Carrie

[wisewoman]

Oh my dear friends. all of you. I want to cut because It will give me some control in a place I feel powerless. Thanks for all of your caring and being there. I feel like I have no power in my life. I can't make my boy feel better, I can't help cancer kid, I can't help my daughter, I can't just get on with my life and let go of the job crap. I want some control and the blade is under my control. no, I have nothing handy. I have made that choice. Tomorrow I go to the doc for an annual and she knows so my scars will be visable. No, I will not cut tonight. Just how much stress am I supposed to handle?

[SweetCrusader]

This might sound unsupportive or just stupidly obvious, but it sounds to me like you are taking on WAY more than what you should be responsible for. You aren't responsible for making the world okay for everyone, honey. You just aren't! I'm sorry things are so hard on you. The lesson of what to take responsibility for and what not to is a hard, but a valuable one to learn. I've learned it myself (over and over again actually! lol)

(((((((((wisewoman))))))))))

Angela

[wisewoman]

But life stinks and it's not fair that these innocent people are affected. Yes, I am taking on more then I can control but it really rots that I can't make things better. It hurts!

[SweetCrusader]

Well I can understand why this hurts you so much, no doubt.

((((((((((wisewoman))))))) And I am very sorry for your pain. I think you deserve a break! Wish life would stop raining everything down on you, and let you come up for some air.

Angela

[ktp]

((((((WW))))))

I agree with Angela....I wish the world would stop raining down on you too. You are so strong, I admire that, and you carry so much, I wish I could take some of the weight off your shoulders dear.

I care about you and I'm so sorry that you're going through so much.
I'm going to be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way...

Take Care.
Kimberly.

[fgh]

if your T is involved in getting you stuck, then you gotta call him when you feel unstuck... that's part of his job when he got involved. when my T goes too fast in therapy even with others it really gets to me and he has to deal with that too. nona

[Zenobia]

I hate it when I am not able to control what is going on. It does make me want to self injure. I am trying to let go of that need for control. It isn't very easy. I feel so...desperate when I can't make things work right. I think it has to do with when someone took control of me and hurt me.
Carrie

[wisewoman]

You got it ZEN!!!! The urges have passed and I had my physical today and could tell doc that really, the bruises on my leg are just there, I did not do it. I felt good knowing I could tell her not since May. She is such a dear woman and I am lucky to have such a good doc. My T and I discussed the whole control thing today and she asked me when did I ever have control like that? Good question, it's wishful thinking. I feel better. lots of pretty amazing stories about the journey though. Thank you all for your love and compassion.