Making Sexual Remarks

Ive been making sexual remarks to attractive women for a long time. Usually flicking my tongue at them or asking them if, " I could lick thier vagina." The exact words are really extreme. Sometimes I drive my car around looking for women to do this to. I only do this to get aroused and to tell the women she is a piece of, "eye candy." Never do I want to hurt anyones feelings or degrade them. I never did this to anyone I know until the other day, my girlfriends friend. I wanted to ask her my question for almost two years, thinking of how aroused I would get if she thought it was nice or just kept quiete about it. I never did because I was scarred and know it's wrong. But then I slipped. She got very upset, cried and told everyone.She hates me and so does my girlfriend. I tried to appologize but she never wants to talk to me or even see me again. I almost lost my job. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Now I reallize I have a serious mental problem and I want to stop doing this sort of thing.

Other things about me is that I'm addicted to internet porn, I masturbate twice a day to attractive women since childhood and I prefer it over intercorse with my girlfriend who is not very attractive, I never had a girlfriend until I was 31, I never engaged in oral sex, and I always fantasize about attractive women.

Can anyone help me ?

(edited by rayna to add trigger icon)

There are sites like www.sca-recovery.org or www.sexaa.org or even www.sa.org...these are really good sites for sexual addiction, and internet porn addiction.

Sorry to hear you are having this problem, but these sites mentioned above are very good...

Hello LOOSER. I am sorry that you are struggling at this time with your addictions. I also hope that you get the PROFESSIONAL help you need at this time, since there is a lot of help and therapy for your problems, and addictions. I hope that when you post you are very careful not to trigger others here that are very sensitive to being violated sexually or verbally. I hope you are looking for help for your issues and I hope you find the help you need soon so you can move on with your life. This site is for mental health support, and I hope you sincerely acknowledge that it is for support and help and intend to use this site wisely. Take care. Soidhonia

Sounds like you may have some issues with intimacy. Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? Opening up to someone in a safe environment who might know more about the issues bothering you? It can be a hard step but a rewarding one.

One question, if you feel your girlfriend isn't attractive, why is she (or was she) your girlfriend? If someone said or did to me what you've been saying and doing to other women, I would report it in a second and never think twice. You are harrassing these women to assist your sexual needs. You need to get professional help NOW before you end up doing that to the wrong woman and getting in serious trouble. And don't date until you have this under control. That is just cruel to the person you are dating and it could hurt her ability to engage in any kind of intimate relationship in the long run by killing her trust in men. I am not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to be honest and give you an idea of what is going to happen if you don't get some major help. If any of the women you ask this of have certain anxiety or other psychological issues you could seriously damage them for your own sexual pleasure.

Thanks everybody for taking some time to answer my post. It's nice to get thoughtful and caring opinions instead of someone saying, " just shoot yourself and the problem is solved instanly !" I'm just so so sorry that I hurt this women like that and made her cry and everything. I'm starting to wonder who I hurt more, the women, my girlfriend or myself ? My girlfriend is just so confused ?????? Yes, she talks to me but she just keeps asking, " why ?" Fantasy land doesn't seem so fantastic after all. And about my girl not being very attractive. I don't think that has anything to do with loving someone. I mean some people love their dogs but their not attractive to them. I hope.
Thanks again everyone I feel .001% better.

A therapist could really help you to sort out your feelings and understand them... and then you could start perhaps living your life out of the "fantasy land" that you describe..

The therapist could help you sort out what is "real"... and help you to understand the profound impact that your actions are having on your life... and the people that surround you..

In all... wouldn't that make life better for everyone.. you.. your girlfriend... and anyone else that might be hurt by your actions.. including yourself..

If you really want to make this "better" .... "fixed"... then seek out some help...that would be a very positive move for you..

Loving your dog is different than loving your girlfriend (at least I hope!!!). When you love someone in a romantic and sexual way there should be a measure of attraction.. doesn't mean you think they are super-model gorgeous, but if you aren't attracted to them - you don't find them attractive - the kind of love you feel may not be what you think it is.

Anyway, go get some help... I don't think you are an evil person by any means and I would never tell you to "shoot yourself". The thing is, you are hurting yourself and everyone around you and the responsible thing is to go seek help. You may not realize it, but if this behavior gets worse you may do something even worse than what you are doing now and REALLY hurt someone.

Looser,

I've come in here many times, I so want to say something that will make you realize that even though you say you do not want to hurt or degrade woman that is exactly what you are doing. I am not trying to be hurtful you are sick and need help. It took me about 6 or 7 attempts to finish reading the posting. I wish I hadn't. When you get in your car looking for women... you are hunting!

The idea that I or, God Forbid, my daugher would cross your path makes me very angry because we should have the freedom to walk down the street without being sexually assaulted. And in this state, that is exactly what it is.

I am also confused by the statement that your girlfriend isn't attractive. Why on earth would you be with a woman that you do not find attractive? It does not sound like you have a very high opinion of women in general.

Lizard is right, right now you are rationalizing your behavior so that you may get aroused, what happens when this doesn't work anymore? Is the next step then that its okay to grope a stranger on the bus? What next?

All that aside, you know that you have a problem that requires immediate expert medical attention and I beg you to get it, if not for the sake of the woman you are hurting, but to prevent yourself from being arrested and labeled a sex offender. Please get help. Feeling bad after the act is not enough. Just because you're sorry does not make it ok. Get help now, it is irresponsible not to.

You keep saying your girlfriend is not very atractive, is this not a bit shallow? I admire your courage for saying what you have and being honest, but I find this a bit odd. Does she know you speak of her like this? Atractiveness is not just looks, it is how a person is inside that counts......

Good luck in your recovery

Jin x

Jinny quoted "Atractiveness is not just looks, it is how a person is inside that counts......" unquote

Amen to that!

You are very sick and need help as soon as you can get it, like as in yesterday.

I think you need to be commited for maybe a 14 day observation period. I am saying this because I
think you will end up hurting a female and
I don't want to see it come to that.

As these things go on in time they get deeper and more self involved (which it already is) as you will not care
what happens to a female as long as you get what you want. I would hate for it to be my wife, daughter, cousin, or friend or any female.

Vance

You definetly need a Therapist...STAT!

I just saw this post today.

You do these things to women that are alone, right?

Now, how would you like someone to say those things to your mother? How would you like it said to a woman you care about?

God forbid you ever say it to a woman with a man around. If he is anything like me, you would be picking your teeth up off the pavement. Get some help and do it fast. You are putting yourself in danger.