Low Self-Esteem

I know that there are alot of people who just do not understand depression,or low self-esteem or they just do not care. I have very low self-esteem and i have try to see my self as others do but it is hard. When i was growing up i had a fk life and parents who care but not the way i wanted it. my family is very cold and hard. my mom loves and cares more for my sister then me or my kids. my sister the same way too. i been hurt by those i thought i could trust. i been call names and put down. so it is hard to see your self the way others do and it is hard to make yourself feel better and not this low self-esteem.

so for those who do not understand or care. maybe you should. maybe you should give us a break and understand us and not walk away from us.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

I have been there just like you are now.... some days I stayed in bed all day, other days I ate until I was sick (but) I think my turning point finally came when I started taking of myself - being just a little bit selfish (in a good way).


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

i am glad you turn around maybe i can or know i can. when it came to food i was the same way but i would eat becasue the food made me feel better or i would sleep because i would go somewhere else but not always better. i would stay in my house because i felt safe.

I know what you mean, having a low self esteem effects the entire life and how you perceive life. I, too, have a bad self esteem, I feel no self worth or value....and I truly believe that effects the way people see me and treat me. I always feel invisible, but I think because of my bad self esteem, I don't stand out or attract people to me.....that probably explains my np friends situation and my horrible marriage, probably because I feel this is what I get and deserve.

I think for people who feel the way you and I do there has to be some sort of answer to get out of feeling this way. Just to find it and live by it is the difficult part.

the way you feel is the way i feel. and how i feel about the way my family feels about me, or even how they feel about my kids too. they do not like it when i stand up and speak my mind or say how i feel about things that been hurting me or upseting me. now they are not talking to me because of that. i do not need this from them and you do not need that from anyone who do the same to you. and i know one thing having friends or anyone who understand can help abit or little a time. i saw your picture and you are pretty. we can talk and i am here too. it helps knowing that there are anyone out there who underestands.

I suffer from really low self-esteem myself. I am so overwhelmed by it that I sometimes find it hard to concentrate on the bright side of my life. The reason why I attribute basically zero self-worth to myself is due to the fact that a) I can never seem to live up to my monumental expectations both physically and academically, and b) I only have one friend because of my reclusive and quiet nature, and my inability to overcome my nervous feelings when wanting to encounter new people. I have been told by many people in my high school that I am "the nicest guy in the school". I always help people whenever I can and always treat everyone with dignity and respect. But I equate “nicest guy in the school” to “most socially awkward and quiet individual in the school”. I view myself as bumbling in speech and in motion. I view myself as a nervous wreak when meeting new people. I view myself as unworthy of any success that is bestowed upon me. I also view myself as unworthy of the loving and caring family that I have, and of any other current or future relationships. I also feel like I don't deserve any consolidation from anyone about my condition when I know that in the big scheme of things, I don't really matter. Even though I am a responsible, kind, respectful individual, I never seem to think I deserve anything good in life because of my failure to interact with people the way everybody else does and my inability to maintain long-lasting relationships with anyone else except my one best friend. You two seem to be very nice people who are unfortunately suffering from low self-esteem like me. I think if we support each other and find some way to "iron out" the rough spots of our lives, we can all be happy with who we are.

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gym_rat said:
a) I can never seem to live up to my monumental expectations both physically and academically ... and my inability to overcome my nervous feelings when wanting to encounter new people ... I think if we support each other and find some way to "iron out" the rough spots of our lives, we can all be happy with who we are.

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I know exactly what you mean with a) - nothing is ever good enough right, its just never quite perfect the way you want it and need it to be - i know I am a perfectionist and I think it is one of the biggest causes of all that is going wrong with me
I'm always ultra nervous when talking to people I either don't know or don't know very well and it really does effect your self esteem
as for the last part - I really hope more than anything that you are right

Irisact, sorry for the long wait in between posts. Thank you very much for responding to me. You say that you are a perfectionist. To many, that would be considered an enviable attribute, but to people like us who are so critical of our own lives, it is truly a burden. I think the trick to overcoming our overly self-critical nature is to take a look back at what exactly we have accomplished. You say that you are a student. I have found that by constantly criticizing myself for my performance in school (although it has, in all honesty, been overall excellent), it has helped me acquire an 8000 dollar scholarship to University. Most people would be happy with this but when I look back at some of the very few courses where I didn't do as well I start to emphasize the negative over the positive and ignore what I've accomplished. Physically, I do powerlifting which is a sport where NOTHING is ever good enough. Sure you may bench press 300 pounds but then you realize the record for your weight class is 575! Then you start feeling like you haven't accomplished much and that your training has been flawed. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate myself completely and neither should you. We should both realize that there are many positive aspects to our lives. Your probably a great student due to your perfectionist nature, you probably have a loving family, you may participate in sports, extra curricular activities etc. I'm here for you if you need me. I really want to see you conquer this condition.

Perfectionism: I have it & my 30 year-old-daughter who suffers from periodic bouts of depression does, too. I take meds for bp which help a lot, but I still tend to avoid life because I can't be perfect at what I set out to do. For exp., in college I had a 4.0 & in my jr. year found out I was getting a B in a course so I dropped out! I could not stand to get a B. I've never returned. On the other hand, my daughter excels at everything (valedictorian of h.s. & law school, plum job as a lawyer,etc,), but she feels like an imposter as if the world will someday really find out she's not as good as she appears to be. Every test she's taken, she's thought she flunked only to find out she got the highest score. Nothing seems to help her confidence. She is always stressed out, as you can imagine. I'm afraid all this stress will shorten her life. She needs constant feedback that she is ok, but then as soon as she gets it she needs more--like a drug addict always needing another fix.

I used to be a perfectionist. It nearly killed me. I had to make a conscious effort, thought-out work plan to overcome it. There is residual of course, but it's well worth it! TC!

I'm not sure I want to view myself as others see me. I want to see me as I am...and what I will be

Good wishes!

It's weird. With the way my life is going right now, I shouldn't lack any confidence. I just can't seem to gain the confidence I need to be assertive in a social environment. But in a professional environment, or when I'm working with a group on a project, I'm very assertive. But then again, I've always been somewhat of a loner. I really only have one good friend and that can be attributed to my nervousness issues when talking to new people. I'm just not a social person I guess. In 10 years time, I guarantee you I will be a work-aholic with no social life, I guarantee it! (starts repressing emotions -_-)

No problem bout the wait gym rat. People do often seem to see being a perfectionist as positive and perhaps to an extent it is...when it gets out of control though it is anything but. It can wreak havoc on your self-esteem and that in turn has so much potential for destruction.
Returning to what this post started as, I agree with you lostangel that people do need to take the time to try to understand what others are going through, even if it makes little or no sense to them. Though on the other hand I can see how it might be hard because when you are so worried about the way the world sees you, you can put up walls, often subconsciously, that prevent others from getting to know you and therefore understand and appreciate you for who you really are. I hope it helps you to know lostangel that we understand you, or will try our best to, and we wont walk away from you!

I thought I was an imposter. I thought my teachers at university would figure out that I was stupid despite my good grades. Dr Ackerly managed to convince me that I'm worthy of continued existence and helped me to kind of like myself. However, he couldn't get as far as he probably wanted to. I found it puzzling that he wanted to change something that had always been there-my low self-esteem. I still act incompetent at work at times. One supervisor lectures me about being too hard on myself. T keeps reminding me to focus on the positive. It's amazing how much we do right at school, work and at home. As for socializing, I have admitted to T that I just don't do that.
I think people shouldn't judge others due to low self-esteem. However, it is hard to not think that if so and so doesn't trust themselves how can I? After get to know me, they realize that it is just my thinking quirk an not a statement on my ability. But, the customers/callers don't know me so they don't take me seriously. I had a photo tech call and ask for the person in charge of photo. I stated that the person who called him was on break. He ask if they was another "operator." I said something to the effect that I know how to run the machine. Then I saw the origingal person that called him and handed him off to her. I don't think he was going to take me seriously unless I call myself an operator. But, I think of myself as a cashier who knows how to run photo. We don't have operator as a title. So, I sounded like an incompetent fool as usual.

hopefull...i can relate to thefeeling about being an imposer, i'm successful in both sports and academics and i'm always having to tell myself that i'm a good person and i deserve to be where i am. i think a lot of it comes from when i was a kid, my mother was/is very ill with BP and i thought if i could just perform better in everything she'd get well. but i did and she didn't so somehow i felt all my achievements weren't enough. but logically now i realize i was just a child and they were her problems not mine. nothing i did could have made her well, b/c it wasn't my illness.

gym rat, much of what we become is what we think we will become.. I hope you will reconsider your thinking </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
In 10 years time, I guarantee you I will be a work-aholic with no social life, I guarantee it! (starts repressing emotions -_-)


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Sky.........

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_Sky said:
gym rat, much of what we become is what we think we will become.. I hope you will reconsider your thinking

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Hmm, not too sure about that. One can expect things (and work towards them) so as to be a certain way. But then, life throws a spanner or two in the wheels and you end up being miles from where you thought you would be, or the person you thought you would be as a direct result.

Hi All,
I too suffer from little or even no self esteem, I struggle to see myself as others do.....
How can I look in the mirror & despise the person I see in the reflection????

When I was growing up I was an ugly duckling..I was the quiet kid in the back of the class..sitting all by themselves..being teased by all kids..being called names..being blamed for all the crap that went wrong..My sisters were beautiful and outgoing..and of course wanted nothing to do with me..my mother was a work-a-holic and had no time for me..my father was a laid back, didn't have a worry in the world, sort of man..I grew up with the worst sort of image toward myself..I grew up feeling as if I was the biggest loser ever to walk the earth..and this continued all through high school..I had friends..but I never felt like I was part of anything..I felt I walked in their shadows..I joined clubs..only to be ignored..I had no voice..I know what it is like to have no self esteem..I know what it is like to be shy..and lonely..and I know what it is like to feel like the biggest loser in the world and have no one to care and I also know what it feels like to have that feeling inside that says..THAT'S ENOUGH..Im better than this..and Im just not going to take it anymore..I always blamed everyone else for the way that I got treated..but the truth was..it was me..I let people treat me like that..and now I was going to stop letting them..and I did..not over night..but I stopped them..and they noticed and they responded. Now..I speak my mind freely..and if people don't like it..too bad..if they don't like me..their loss..I am who I am..and I like me..it took me half a lifetime to find myself..and I am not about to loose her now..I think it is possible for anyone to do this..I only wish and hope that you do! (((((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))))))))))))))))

Liv, your childhood and school years sound almost exactly like mine minus the sisters.

Sometimes I think improving your self esteem demands a bit of a "fake it till you make it" attitude. Granted, this doesn't work in all areas of life, especially things like depression, but when it comes to feeling better about ourselves it can be the spark that gets the fire going.

Wi-fighter,

"Fake it to you make it" was my motto for years!! I almost hate telling people to use that method..but it actually works..at least it did for me..People were cruel..weren't they?well, they know not to mess with me now.. I found it amazing how many compliments, dates, friends I made and crap I got involved in after I came out of my shell..my world just changed..I guess it just takes belief in ones self,huh?!

I just thought of something that made me laugh.

One of my biggest "embarrassments" as a teenager was being small breasted. Oh how I wanted to be bigger. It was a blessing in disguise, let me tell you. Now all of those girls who were big and busty at 16-17 have to hold their udders up while walking down stairs to prevent getting whacked in the face, while mine are still firm and perky, even after two kids and breast feeding.

HA HA HA..Mine too!!!

hi lost angel,I too suffered very low self esteem,especially when I was younger and have no idea why,cause lovely caring supportive parents,but I think maybe having an outgoing personality and friendly,(not quite as much now)seems to attract the horribles that think it's ok to dump on those sort of ppl.I am slowly getting there and working on losing weight and am realising that if we like ourselves,that's 1/2 the battle in life and gives us confindence which you need in life,it's a slow process but I am getting there and hope you will too.all the best.take care.I also thought I was stupid most of my life,but think I may have adhd as well as bi-polar,now I know I'm not,just use my brain in a different way to others I guess.luk mate.

Hmmmmm On reading the posts I see all the accomplishments people have made and they know they have made them. What if you're really someone who has accomplished nothing and is still passionless and accomplishing nothing? Low self esteem seems to be appropriate ..... How do you do anything about being so depressed that you literally do nothing....low self esteem seems to be warranted in my case........ I really have done nothing with my life....... a real waste of space, of time and you dont get that time back either. More then half my life is already over and I'm not looking forward to an uncertain future....more pain and more suffering.........why bother to exist? I keep trying to figure out how to change things and I keep coming up with nothing.......... tired of fighting.