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#1
May 22, 2005, 10:16 AM
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I read about the Stockholm Syndrome.
I'm trying to understand myself. I'm trying to find my way. Why do I react in this way or that way. Why with all what happened and still do happen I can't hurt him. I want him to be safe while myself I am not safe. I know I am stupid. I'm trying and trying to understand. I'm going to face him soon as he is back and I have to hold my ground this time. It's this fear that is inside me that I don't know how to handle. "The fear of hurting someone". This need inside me to protect his heart while mine is in pieces. Stockholm Syndrome? Me? Maybe. I don't know where I stand. I don't understand myself. I keep on searching and searching but I come out with nothing. Nobody have to reply to this post. I'm just thinking aloud. Thank you! nightdream |
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#2
May 22, 2005, 11:05 AM
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think aloud here anytime.
((nightdream)) you are NOT stupid!  You are learning and trying and searching. You aren't just sitting there saying "yes, I think life is hunky dory and I'll do nothing".............you've made changes and continue to seek ways of creating a better--safer--life for yourself.I'm glad you sought out more reading about what abuse can do to a person. Nothing you learn says you're stupid. If anything your seeking info shows your strength and intelligence. It shows you are trying. I continue to hold hope for you sweetie. |
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#3
May 22, 2005, 11:08 AM
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Hi Nightdream,
I think it's good that you are trying to understand yourself- after all, we can truely only change ourselves. I'm not that familiar with Stockholm Syndrome-- do you see a therapist? Perhaps you could ask him/her about how you're feeling and thinking, that is if you're seeing one. I know for me, after repeated abuse and still coming to my abusers aid while I sit- like you said-- " in pieces", well, I believe it has a lot to do with my self-worth. I never thought I should have the support and comfort that others had- but yet deep down inside resented that situation. I too didn't want to hurt anyone, and I still don't.... it's a tricky place to be in. I'm working on valuing myself, being my own best friend- trying to comfort MYSELF like I have comforted others for so many years- including my abusers. Don't know if you wanted to hear any of that and if not- sorry for my rambling! Wanted you to know that I think trying to understand is a good idea! Take care and we're always here for you. Mandy |
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#4
May 22, 2005, 02:13 PM
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For so long I have deny the abuse maybe because I was a mother of young children and my focus was on them. My goal was to make sure that they would all be, the 3 of them, people with high self esteem and high self worth. My focus was never on me.
I know I keep coming on this subjet. I'm having a hard time with this. My self worth is very low and my self esteem, I dont even know what the word means. I will make it and I will shut up about it. Soon. Thank you very much! much love nightdream |
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#5
May 22, 2005, 04:27 PM
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Don't even think about shutting up about it all! That is NOT in your best interest! It doesn't take horrific abuse to cause the Stockholm Syndrome. I suffer with it with regards to the attorney/adjuster/insurance company's manipulation of me and my life because of an industrial accident I had.
Understanding that you might not react/respond the way YOU really think you wish to is a good step. It takes therapy (lots of mental work, logical thinking, etc and help from another) to work through this completely. The main thing is to be and feel safe. You can set some limits on what you expect in this meeting. By drawing the line now, a realistic line, and rehearsing it... you have a better chance of "holding your ground." But don't feel bad if you fall back a bit. The best I can do at times is, when in doubt, leave. And I don't even do that all the times I need to. You need to be - and feel - safe. You decide what that is, OK?
__________________
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#6
May 22, 2005, 06:04 PM
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Thank you ((((((((((Sky))))))))))) Thank you so much!
nightdream |
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#7
May 22, 2005, 10:47 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I'm trying to understand myself. I'm trying to find my way. Why do I react in this way or that way. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> It's not your fault. |
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#8
May 23, 2005, 12:01 AM
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Thank you dear (((((((((((((Jennie))))))))))))))Very kind of you to say that.
I know it's not all my fault but when I hate myself as I do right now it's hard for me to see that it isn't. nightdream |
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#9
May 23, 2005, 12:21 AM
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Yes ND. that's when you have to take other's ppl's word for it...and ingrain it into your memory It's not your fault.... for there is no true understanding on our own ...for a very long time... it appears...
__________________
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#10
May 23, 2005, 01:08 AM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I know it's not all my fault but . . . . </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> for trauma, there's usually a dissociation of thought and feeling. rational thought may or may not say "it's my fault." dissociation also extends to actions. if we acknowledge "it's not my fault," then why do the things we do? because, we feel it's our fault. how do you change your feelings about it? i don't know. when you figure that out, please let me know 
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#11
May 23, 2005, 01:14 AM
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Exzactly! Cognitive distortions are changed by constantly correcting what we think which in turn changes what we feel. It's a process, but it works expressly well for PTSD...
so I have to keep believing my T when he corrects me on a distortion (ten main ones) and accept what he says to be true, state it to myself and sometimes out loud in therapy too... so that the brain is rewired for proper thinking... and then the feelings change with it.
__________________
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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