[sugahorse1]

to leave a 5 year relationship that's fine 90% of the time, and the rest is filled with fighting, aggression, emotional abuse, and at times physical abuse.

I'm in such an uncomfortable "comfort zone" that I just cannot do it. I love him! But when he flips out, I get scared. And hurt, emotionally and physically.
I'm 24 - I really don't want to involve my parents and friends are few and far between.

These anger episodes trigger my bipolar so much

[Sannah]

Yes, it doesn't sound like a good situation to subject your bipolar to. You deserve to be treated well 100% of the time. Please keep us posted on what you are going to do?

[sugahorse1]

I'll try keep people in the loop. As usual, he's acting all macho today, saying "sorry" when I've begged him to, but I don't believe it's what he really means.
If I go home tonight, it will be awkward, and if I stay with a friend, he'll accuse me of having an affair...
Last night he lost it - with his emotional abuse, and then smacking and kicking me. I'm a bit of an emotional wreck this morning.
But I love him.And 5 years is a long relationship.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Last night he lost it - with his emotional abuse, and then smacking and kicking me. I'm a bit of an emotional wreck this morning.
But I love him.And 5 years is a long relationship.

[SUNNY2009]

Hi there .... very scared for you. You deserve to be treated like a princess, to be shown love, tenderness and emotional support. You deserve to be free and to find real love and a healthy way to live.
Love does not give him the right to abuse you, either emotionally or physically. He is hurting your love and he is smacking and kicking it around with no respect. He is not giving you love. He is hurting your love, your peace .... your whole person.

You can do this.....you can find the strength....you can get help.....I am glad you are here and that you are talking about it and reaching out....please continue to do so, but also consider establishing a support system for you..... start reaching out to groups who can help with domestic violence....start to plan your new life ..... start with getting things in place so you can find peace and support and a new place to live ..... and when you are ready, when you are strong and confident .... just enough to do it .... then you take the leap of faith and beleive in yourself and the support structure you have set up..... this will be your net ... to catch you when the jump is made.
You need support .... there are many people out there and many places which can help.
When you are ready of course.
In the meantime I hope you are feeling better soon.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks for your kind words... I really need this motivation. I cannot explain how this is tearing me up inside

[invisigirl]

Yes, 5 years is a long relationship.. too long to stay in a relationship that is abusive. don't waste any more years on someone who hurts you!

I certainly understand how you can love someone who hurts you, but if they are not changing their ways (and I mean actively changing them, not just saying they will do better), then they are a waste of time. There are so many other people out there who will treat you so much better.

I know leaving is hard. Change is hard. But you can do it. Start slow, with Sunny's suggestions, but do start. You will be so much better off.

Sending you lots of love and strength and courage.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks guys - we had a bit of a chat last night and this morning, me telling him a bit of what i expect out of our relationship. I need to put my foot down, and the next time he gets physical, I need to assure myself - it's the last. You just never know how far it can carry on going... and I told him he scares me now.
I think a lot of his actions are due to issues he hasn't dealt with, but who am I to tell him what to do - and he's not the kind to go seek out therapy either. And it seems alcohol plays a big role in his physical actions towards me too.

[invisigirl]

If you know he won't seek therapy (aka, does not want to get better), then leave. Don't wait for the next time. Do you know how many women have lost their lives by giving 'one more chance'?

GO. It's not worth risking your life over. We are worried about you and want you to be SAFE. Please be safe.

[Miracle1986]

(((sugahorse)))
You deserve better.
He obviously doesn't love you or care about you if he treats you that way.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks everyone.
I think he's hurting so bad because of the past, which he won't make peace with. And I know I did wrong and was to blame. I think that's why I won't leave. But at the same time, he took me back, knowing the issues that were in place, and I feel he should have made the committment to me, drawn a line in the sand where things went pear-shaped, and moved forwards.

I am very weary of him when the conversation gets heated. Last night I had to ask him to move a bit away from me, because I was worried he was within arm's reach of me and the conversation was getting heated. I basically had a mini panic attack.

I am aware that "one more chance" could be a dangerous position to be in...

[sugahorse1]

I cannot bring myself to leave him.
We have spoken about the things i need out of a relationship; now I'm looking for any kind of emotional support from friends - i know it's wrong and hard.
And my attachment to my T is just getting strong by each session, because she's the one I can connect to on an emotional level.

[madisgram]

i agree with everyone that posted. i was in an abusive marriage for 15 years and the abuse only gets worse over time and more frequent. was told if they hit/hurt you twice it will continue. it did. i almost lost my life.
only you can decide what you want to do but hope you will heed our advice. it doesn't get better, only worse.