Where to start

Ruben, you certainly don't need to tell just anyone. The police ought to have all they need as far as evidence goes since he tried to choke/suffocate you in hospital. What I was hoping was that you could meet alone with a therapist & talk about what happened, why it happened, how you feel about it, talk about the nightmares. If you can start that now, things will get better for you. I put a link in your Visitor Messages to a thread with people who didn't get help after being abused. I thought their experience might help you. Maybe they could explain what therapy can do.

You would speak to one person only, & you two would be alone. You wouldn't have to talk about everything at once. You'd start where you could, & move at your own speed.

At least that's how it would work here. I don't think the Netherlands are much different, but you could ask.

Roadrunner

Hey there, Ruben. It's good to see you taking notz etc on in the Threads Wars!

Just wondering how you & everyone's doing.

Hi thx for your messages it means a lot to me
im ok im home for xmas thats good
chemo again though after xmas
how are you?

Young man, I will never feel bad about my life ever again. You are an inspiration to me. I have been through a lot in my life from being sexually abused for three years as a child, being homeless for two years as a kid, being ostracized my whole childhood, and having to come back from a prison stint recently. My life hasn't been easy and it doesn't look like it's going to get any easier. But after reading what you have been through, I am inspired. I wish I had the power to do something for you. I didn't tell anyone about my abuse until I was 17 years old, I know how hard it is to tell. But believe me, it feels better after releasing it to someone. Holding it inside will keep you in a spiraling depression, and it will destroy you. Please, just tell someone who can do something. That man, in my opinion, should not see freedom for a lot longer time than what he is already going to do. Please consider it, I know you feel like you are at fault for all the pain and sadness in your family but IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. It's HIS fault. He hurt you, and I'm literally crying right now thinking about this, because I can't imagine how he could have done such heinous things to such a precious little child. You deserve happiness, and you can have it if you work hard to get better.

Hi Rubenrawr(sp),

I endured sexual abuse when I was young, like 4-5 and between 9-10. I was very embarrassed, and still am. It makes me want to cry, typing this. I blocked it out, then no-one could understand me, I said things that scared people and confused them. Then everyone left me, shunned. Tell someone, before you internalize all this. If you internalize this abuse, and blame yourself, your in trouble. I know. If you tell someone; teacher, counselor or rabbi or clergy, or even a police officer, I strongly believe they will help you. They will protect you. He abused you. You are the victim. You need protection from him. If you do not receive protection, you might cease to have the ability to communicate. You might become stuck. It is hard to become unstuck, I know. I am so sorry your parent was abusive. You must wish they were a parent, not an abuser. It is confusing, I know. Its not anything you did wrong, they(he?) are sick. They(he?) need help. They have a better chance to receive help if you say something. If he goes to prison, he might be mad, but there are therapists and doctors in prison who will help him, if he behaves. If he doesn't behave, stop being abusive, they will keep him in prison longer. He is bad, not you. Bad people say bad things, hurtful things. They can't think right. They need help or they need to be locked up, sorry, that is the way it needs to be. Same rules apply to me, and you. If I do something bad, I'll pay the price. It is true for you, isn't it? Like at school, if you talk without raising your hand, your teacher will tell you to wait your turn to talk. So, we have to obey rules, why shouldn't he? Think about that, protect yourself and ask for help from a teacher, counselor, doctor or a police officer. If they think your crazy, they will help you, not hurt you. They only hurt people who are dangerous, so they can be put in prison, and be corrected from being abusive. You need help. Get help, soon I want good news!

Could you PM me? We miss you! ----thread wars----> @

Hi, thx for the replies everyone.
I havent been on very much lately, mostly cause treatments are kicking my @ss.
But im doing as well as can be expected. I'm trying to come in chat more often but cant promise anything...

Ruben

Wow!! I just joined this forum yesterday & I have read your story. You are the strongest teen I know!!

A quick note on the abuse & not getting help - my husband and his brothers were abused by his Mom - beaten with belts, stabbed - starved, locked in closests - tortured - it was terrible. This is when he was a child.

He is 65 years old now - he never told any one. In fact, his Mom is still alive & came to our wedding 15 years ago - had I known - she would never have been invited.

Now - all these years later, that abuse is causing him severe depression - to the point a few weeks ago - he wished he was dead.

Now he is in therapy & has a lot to process. His doctor has placed him on a levae form work - and he may not return as he is that ill.

I'm telling you this because I don't want to see your future clouded over by this. Get the help you need. You have already done the hard part.

Good luck!!

what if you're not sure if you dreamed something or if it was real

Tell someone - like a therapist. I sometimes feel like that - not sure if something happened or if I dreamed it and I don't have any behavioral health issues. Most times there are witnesses or there is "proof" that something happened.

My husband has chunks out of his back from where he was beaten with a belt, scars in his hands where he tried to protect his brothers.

If you talk about it - then it isn't so frightening. It puts it all out in the light.

(((Hi Reuben))))

Often when someone is abused, they want to forget it and think of it as a dream, not real. If you remember something, it is real.

I hope you stay strong, you can get through this. Any guilt belongs to the abuser, never the victim, ever.

((((Hugs)))

Open Eyes

Dearest RR-
Please please ask for outside help!!! Most adults WILL believe you!! Try to find someone not connected to your family to tell (at school etc)

This is unquestionably ABUSE not discipline. I want to come get you myself!! Please get help soon!

no im not questioning what my father did... its something more recent thats been confusing me. i dont know why i cant figure this out ...

Hi, Ruben.

I try to figure out whether my memory of something adds up. Could everyone who was in it have been there .. all alive, in that place then, etc? Could I have been in that place then, with those people? Are the events likely ... consistent to the people? What seems unlikely, unusual, or makes me uneasy?

If everything checks out, I try to find ways of confirming facts.

Dreams will not hold up to this kind of examination. Its not the nature of dreams to be a photoplay. If this little exercise gives you a photoplay, changes are you're talking about a real event. Dreams will be more like deflating balloons, hard to hold onto & see before they change shape ...

Roadie

i guess it could be reall but it doesnt feel real and i dont know why i would be dreaming it or why it would happen.. sorry im so confusing

Real events that we don't expect sometimes don't feel real.

If this all happened at a time or (especially) in a place in which sleeping would be highly unlikely, the odds of it being a dream are small.

Don't worry about it, just nibble away bit by bit. Eventually the truth will tumble out of your head.

Take care of yourself, Ruben. Don't force it.

Roadie

im going to have the stam cell transplant tomorrow... ill have my brother keep you uptodate when there's anything worth mentioning

Good luck Ruben.

Like promised here i am... Ruben encouraged me to make a profile for myself so I just did. Ruben had the stam cell transplant, it went well, the next few weeks are going to be crucial though. *fingers crossed*

Thank you Alex Tell Rueben that I am thinking about him.

i will

Alex, we are all praying for your brother, he is a nice young man.

((((Warm hugs for you alex, give Reuben a hug for us)))))
Open Eyes

sending up prayers for reuben. hope all is still ok.

Thanks, Alex, and give Ruben my best.

sorry for the lack of updates but i've just not wanted to write about it, i guess it makes it more real.
Ruben isn't doing so well, he's in intensive care still, mostly sleeping a lot.
But it could really go either way still so i'm hoping for the best

Alex