Where to start

they let him go the police and he came straight to me :/ Idk how he got past the security but when he came into my room he was wearing doctors clothes and he tried to smother me but someone came in to check on something i guess and pulled him off me i still feel like im dreaming though like none of this is real and im not really here. and i felt like giving up right before they pulled him off me i didnt really mind if i would die at that moment. but my mom promised she will behere soon as she can so they should be almost here i think i just feel really out of it still. like im not really here like nothing is real

Wow, I am so glad somebody was able to pull him off you! I assume he has been arrested for attempted murder then, and the fact that there is a witness should make it stick. That is a very serious charge and he will probably not get out on bail now, especially that they know you are in danger if he will be released. I am glad you weren't hurt - that this happened is almost a blessing in disguise.

yes i suppose they will
i hadnt really thought about that
I'm just glad my favourite nurse stayed with me until my mom and brother arrived
i cant wrap my mind around it though it still feels like a bad nightmare and im awake now, it wasnt real.. but it was reall i went to the bathroom and i could see it on my neck and troath it almost felt like he was choking me again
but when he was i felt like just giving in dying seemed not so bad.. i feel bad about it i would leave my brother then and my mom and my other brother and sister
on and off it still feels like im dreaming

Ruben, I am so sorry, so glad to hear that he was caught. But you have to now understand even more how much he is capable of getting even more abusive, and your brother could have gotten worse, even you could have gotten more abuse. It was escalating Ruben, you spoke up just in time. I know it doesn't seem like that but there is clearly something very wrong with your father and he is choosing to take it out on others, he clearly needs help. Now everything you have talked about is obvious to all, they are really taking you seriously. Keep saying your prayers, you are being protected as he didn't truely hurt you, he was stopped, proof that you have something good on your side.

I am sorry that you had to experience that, but now they WILL know that they truely have to take stronger actions to prevent your father from gaining access to your whole family.
I am sure your mother also realizes now what was going on behind her back, she has you to thank for being strong, after all, she does love you and your brother, her family and she truely needed to know before someone truely got hurt. You did do the right thing always remember that.

You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us all posted, let us know how you are doing and if there is anything we can do. We are here to support you, keep the faith, keep the strength.

Yes, I am sure you are shocked that you experienced that, normal response to something like that and hard to believe that another person is capable of harming anyone like that, that is your father's illness, not yours. You are SO strong, make sure you let out all your feelings with your therapist, so important so you can overcome these feelings and be validated and helped with these feelings. It always does seem unreal, that is what every victim faces and feels. Your not alone in that, it is truely a normal response.
Many big hugs to you. We are here and understand, come and talk whenever you need it. We are listening and are truely here for you.

Open Eyes

Ruben, You have done the right thing, You have shown so much strength and reading all this has brought me to tears, I hope they lock your dad up now and throw away the key. ((((safe hugs))))

oh my goodness!!!!
((((RubenRawr))))
am keeping you, and your loved ones, in my prayers too. am also seriously so sorry you have been through all of this...*another safe and warm *

I am so glad you are alright. I just want to add to what everyone else has said about how brave you and You are in my thoughts .

Dear Ruben, I understand how it could seem easier to die than to believe what was happening to you. Even knowing what your dad had done to you, for him to come into hospital & actually want & try to murder you is just too must for a mind to take in. I can easily see how it would seem as if it had to be a dream. I don't think you ought to feel badly for your reaction. Like the others, I think it's a normal reaction for about the strangest thing that can happen to a person.

The more you are able to talk about your feelings about what's happened, the better it will be in the long run. That's true for your mom and your siblings too. All of you need to get all of this out in the open, including all your feelings, and understand that while what you've been through isn't normal, your reactions & feelings are ones that most people would have. None of you should go through life feeling that you are the sick or criminal one here. Your father is the one who caused all this. Only your father is to blame.

As everyone has told you, we remain here for you, Ruben, to listen. We hope and pray that the right people are there with you to keep you safe & to give you the mental, emotional, and physical strength to get through this.

We haven't forgotten that you're fighting leukemia. You need to focus energy there as well. We'll be sending prayers for that too! Your guardian angel, if you believe in such things (I do ), has sure been working overtime.

Gentle hugs to you, RubenRawr.

it sure is wearing me down

(((((RubenRawr)))))
Yes, it can when you are facing it, speaking up, that is a normal reaction. After all it is hard for anyone to have to speak out about a parent. But Ruben, it was really necessary, your sense of what was right was correct, you knew that it could be much worse, you also knew you had to do what is right. But I agree, it is exhausting, no one wants to expose that kind of truth about someone, especially not a parent. But you have to keep honestly reminding yourself that you did the right thing even if is feels scary and confusing. Honestly that is how all victims feel, even is it is not a parent and is a stranger, it is still hard. And you obviously have a really good, kind, caring heart so even though you knew you had to say something it is very hard to be the one who has to expose the truth.

When you make that choice, it means you are very strong and you really don't want others to suffer. And this will all straighten out, your family WILL heal and overcome this with therapy. All of you will need time, but you did the right thing you became the protector. Now get your rest, you need to work on growing strong and overcoming this lieukemia, it can be done others have fought it off and survived. So rest, take care of you, let those who know how to take care of the rest do what they are trained to do.

Open Eyes

Dear Ruben, I know you are very, very tired, of everything!
Is there anyone to stay with you tonight? Either way hopefully you can get some rest.

Just keep remembering this is all your fathers fault. You have your family for support. No more secrets, he can't hurt you again.

Again we are all here to support you anytime you feel like posting.
Let them take care of you now, your siblings are also safe now.
Sending you many gentle hugs.

I want you to know that I have been thinking of you since I read this thread, You and your family are in my thoughts, You have done the right thing, Please think that your dad can't harm you or anyone else again, He deserves to be punished, If you did not report him this would of just carried on, You are so so brave, I admire you.Stay strong ((((more safe hugs))))

Reuben, are you telling your mom about how you are feeling?

yeh my mom goes home in the evening for a few hours with my siblings and then she and my twinbrother come back. Normally they can't stay but my fave nurse said rules are to be broken sometimes. I don't talk much im just so tired. Maybe i can go home wednesday or so though but ill have to stop throwing up so much first and no more fever it comes and goes. i really look forward to go home on the other hand im nervous. What if the memories overwhelm me. What if she decides its to much trouble anyway. why do i doubt her i dont know. Nightmares every night i dreamabout my dad hurting me. his hands around my troath and then i wake up but it still feels like his hands are there. so many questions duringthe day everyone seems to just HAVE to ask something. Need to know something. stick one more needle in me. one more test. a few more questions. Another checkup. school but i stare at the pages but see nothing. i just see him all the time

Rueben, you need to talk about how all this is taking on a toll on you and some things need to be eased up. You should really have a therapist with you that can help you learn how to relax.

I am sorry your having nightmares, maybe they can give you something to help you sleep better at night? Another thing you can ask for is the nurse to bring warmed up blankets.
Warmth on the body helps it relax, as the body cools back down it relaxes, I use that all the time. So talk to the nurse about the warmed up fresh blankets, they are really comfy.

And you truely need to talk about your fears Reubin. The reason why you need to talk about them and let them out is that you need to hear constant reasurance that you will now be safe. Your brain needs to hear that from as many as possible. And as far as your mom is concerned, give her time, I am sure she is worried about you and feeling guilty about not knowing, that is normal for a mom to feel. Please make sure you don't blame yourself at all, something many victims do after they tell and no victim is guilty of anything.

Maybe you could sleep with the television on? Or maybe some quiet music. One of the things I do is have the television on where I go to sleep thinking about maybe something on the history channel or something pleasant so I don't think about my past or bad things.

I know that you feel embarrassed, all victims feel that as well, don't give into the negetive keep telling yourself consciously that you did the right thing and things will get better, try very hard to allow yourself to rest, heal and allow the professionals to take over the responsibility of what comes next, that is not your job, you did your job, you told. And keep asking if your mother is getting the help and support she needs to so both of you can bond, overcome this and support each other. Moms are just people too, so you will all have to learn how to bond again and heal, be thankful that can now happen, because the truth does set victims free, it just takes time to heal.

Warm gentle hugs Reuben,
Open Eyes

Hey, Ruben, are you out of hospital yet? I hope you've had some chance to get a little of your strength back.

We're all hoping that you have gotten some good support there, not just from your family but also from therapists & others in the system. I've never thought to ask what country you're in, if you don't mind saying.

Are you & your twin getting some alone time together?

Take care, dear Ruben. Please know that you have a group of people here who have come to care about you as if you were our very own relative. We look forward to hearing from you & send good thoughts & best wishes all the time. There's probably not a minute when one of us isn't wondering, "How's Ruben?"

Hi I was kinda sick for a couple of days so couldn't really come online, but doing a bit better now so hopefully going home monday or so. Thanks for all the support

Going home today aftr treatment.. kinda nervous. Even though I know he won't be there. But can't help it. I dreamed about him again. ugghh

well its good to be home. Even though its also weird and idk about the night i think ill sleep in my bro's room tonight lol
There's some things i didnt think about though like my parents are going to have to sell the house since my mom cant afford it on her own. And she'd have to work more and she can't stay home with me when I'm not going to the hospital daycentre. But my grandparents, her parents offered to help though. I overheard them talking on the phone and my mom was crying :/

It's going to be really really hard for you, Ruben. That hotline number you called before I imagine you can call now, if you need to talk to someone--unless someone's given you another number for support.

Stay in touch. Some of us have a holiday coming up, but I'm not doing it & for others it doesn't apply. Things at PC ought to be pretty much as usual, i.e., "How's Ruben?"

Roadrunner

Ruben, I had to walk away from an extremely abusive marriage with nothing but the clothes on my back. It was hard but I was free of being physically emotionally and sexually abused. I know this is different from your situation and I am sorry you are going through this. I write only because I want you to know people can get back on their feet after a very difficult break up. It takes some time and ( for me ) a lot of hard work in therapy and just getting through the pain because some how I still had feelings for him.( so confusing, I know) I wish you and your family a lot of support and strength. You will get through this.

still keeping you in mind...while there are still a lot of memories, its nice that you are at home and closer to loved ones that care about you. One day at a time RubenRawr, ok?...

What a grand picture of you you posted!
RAWR!

Ruben, your mom & everyone in your family ought to be getting support now with therapists & probably psychiatrists. Is this happening? Even counseling with your family as a group. The county you live in (if you're in the USA) would have something available for you. Is this happening? I know you're worried about your mom, but she shouldn't have to go through this alone.
Take care.
Roadrunner