Where to start

Oh Alex, thank you for letting us know about Reuben, we will all be praying for him.
Make sure you keep visiting him, telling him you love him and to please keep trying hard and keep fighting. He needs to know he is loved and to keep fighting hard.

Tell him, that we are all thinking of him, praying for him and also want him to fight hard to heal and get better.

(((((((Hugs from all of us Alex)))))))))
Open Eyes

Thank you Alex.

Dear Alex, thank you. This is so hard, & keeping your promise to Ruben can't be easy since we are all stranges to you. You are so splendid to do so, and I am deeply grateful.

I'm so worried that not hearing means that our Ruban is very bad indeed. We may not hear anything more. I am ask all who know this young man to once again stream those good thoughts His way ...



Stem cell transplant is new, and he was already compromised in so many ways.

Ruben passed away yesterday.. Just wanted to let you all know. we were all with him till the hospital staff kicked us out and tried to `bring him back. his heart gave out

Alex, I hope you've read through this thread--although doing so would be painful. Just in case you haven't, I want you to know that Ruben spoke of you often with such love and devotion and trust that we all know you were a large part of his world. Certainly one of the best parts of it too.

I can't begin to imagine what you are feeling. He was such a bright light that I could not imagine he wouldn't beat this.

I am so sorry.

((((((Alexrawr)))))),
We all have been praying for Ruben all along. He was very brave and yes, he was brave because he loved you. I am glad he found PC, I think it helped him not feel so alone and frightened.

I am so deeply sorry that he lost his battle. But I feel that he is at rest now. He will always be with you Alex, watching over you.
(((((((As many hugs as you need are always here))))))))))
Please come and talk whenever you need to Alex.

Open Eyes

((((((((alexrawr))))))))))

Alex, is there anywhere we can leave donations in Ruben's name? If so, we would need a last name. Thanks, Alex.

Alex, I'm so sorry.

Ehh no, no such place. but you could donate to your local childrenshospital or your national (children) cancer charity fund, maybe, if you want.
I'm sure they can use every penny..

I don't know how to express my condolences.

I am just so sorry.

Billi

I am sorry that ruben passed away.
I wish i could say more.

oh...
i am so sorry for your loss
My condolences to you and loved ones...
...

Ruben's story has really touched me. I'm so sorry for all your family has endured and for this profound loss.
What a brave young man.

I am so sorry for your loss.

sometimes i feel like im floating trough the day
or as if im in a cocoon and the rest of the world i can see and hear but im kind of... detached from it
and sometimes it just hurts so much
i just wish so much i could be with him..

He wouldn't want that, Alex--would he? You can't be with him, but I'm surprised you can't sense his spirit still with you.

Have you been able to make contact with any of the grief groups?

I'm so sad for you. One of our members mentioned Ruben to me just this morning. It's still impossible to take in. What are you doing, Alex? Do you have someone at school or somewhere who understands how alone you feel? Someone you can be with in the empty times?

* gentle hugs galore *

Roadie

(((((Alex))))

This going to take you time Alex, you are grieving and this is a big loss to you. You are going to have to find your way through this and yes, it does take time Alex. We are still working at it too, and we are not YOU in how you know and loved Rueben.

I am so glad you came and talked with us today, we have all been worried about you Alex. We understand and please let us support you as much as we can.

I hope that you are continuing to work with a therapist Alex, you do need that and to be able to just let it out and talk about it if you need to.

A part of him will always be with you Alex, really, I honestly believe this. Sometimes we are in too much grief to feel their presense.

((((Hugs and keep talking to us whenever you need some comfort and hugs))))

Open Eyes

(((AlexRawr)))
Cant imagine how hard all of this is...i am so sorry you are struggling with so much...
What support are you getting in real life? Are you able to talk more with your mom maybe...or a friend...or a counselor...? Its sad to hear how alone you seem now... Again, I am so sorry for your loss

people dont understand if i have days where all i want to do is scream and kick something
or where all i want is to curl up in bed and never come out
or when im just mad at everything and everyone
my mom spends all her energy at work and the house and trying to 'safe' my older brother and my sister clings onto her as if she's going to die too otherwise. so no more time or energy for me except to yell at eachother i guess
i dont know... i know she is hurting too, everyone is but i get so frustrated sometimes

((((AlexRawr)))),

What you are discribing about yourself is that you are going through the grieving process. This desire to yell, kick, curl up, be mad at everyone? That is because this loss of your brother has been tramatic for all of you. And the circumstances around it are very troubling and NO one knows what to do with all the emotions that surround it. And what you ALL really need? Is you should all be seeing a therapist to help you each grieve in your own ways and find your own ways to come to terms with this very troubling loss.

Right now, ALL of you feel very vulnerable and confused THIS IS A NORMAL HUMAN RESPONSE TO A LOSS LIKE THIS. And there is a lot involved in this loss to sort through Alex. This is going to take time for all of you to work your way through. And what you are experiencing is each of you has a need for a strong pressence that can reassure you that it will be ok and you will get through it and each of you deserve to be helped and soothed and are allowed to just let go and actually GRIEVE.

Alex, what you are doing right now, coming to PC and talking about what you are experiencing right now is GOOD. You need to be able to do this, just vent and let out what your feeling and have someone listen and tell you that this is normal and that you just need to talk as much as you need and as many times as you need too.

And what is going on in your family right now? Everyone is struggling even your mother and no one really knows how to feel right now, not even your mom. You ALL need a strong source of comfort right now. No one is trying to ignore you Alex REALLY. What ever you feel? Everyone else is feeling too. You are all grieving seperately and you all have to slowly move towards each other and find ways to grieve together more an more. You all have to find your way back to finding a new way to become a family again. Right now your mother doesn't know how to do that yet, she has a lot to process herself. She truely is at a loss Alex and this is going to take time. Dont just think that you are going to continue to be alone and lost with this, remind yourself that all of you are feeling this and it is going to take time for all of you to find your way through this.

Alex? Do you have a therapist to help all of you with this? Because if you don't, you have to speak up and convince everyone/your mother that you have to reach out for this. This is very important for all of you to have this.

Please keep coming and talking and allow us to support you here ok?

(((My arms are reaching out to you Alex, I am here, we are all here for you with lots of comforting hugs for you))))

Open Eyes

Alex! Yes, I hear you & I would be plenty frustrated with everyone too! --even if I understood that they were hurting too, not any reason to shut you out.

Sure you're mad & want to scream & strike out. Me too, I think I might feel that way too if I couldn't get some attention & love from my mom & family. Life really stinks sometimes.

No one's ever come up with a reason why life sucks that makes us feel any better about it. And that sucks too.

I wish pulling the sheets over our heads & sleeping for a week could make it all go away. That doesn't work either, & if you tried to end it & go find Ruben he'd probably tell you it wasn't your time, that you've got stuff to do here & just chase you right on back!

Just can't win some things I don't think. Guess some of us are stuck with hanging on. Try to find someone--a teacher, someone--who will give you time & will hear you. Please try to find that someone. That is your lifeline. That person is somewhere but you are going to have to take some risk to find him/her. You must meet someone new at school perhaps.

Keep posting. Keep trying through the grief links. There may be a local connection with someone through that.

* gentle hugs galore , sitting near *

Roadie

It is important that you talk to each other about your grief.

i tried to tell her things but she just shut me out she said i was lying and making trouble and asking for attention, idk why?! Why is she acting like this maybe she dont want to hear maybe its to much