[healed84]

So, I got over one hurdle.. finally telling him that it has happend to me. However, I just couldn't really say more than that. Did not in any way get into details. I keep on referring to it as the "incident." T was trying to define it a little more.. Was it CSA, was it the R word.. and I just couldn't do it. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I have a very hard time talking about those kinds of things with males. Besides my husband, I do feel comfortable talking about anything sexual in nature. I know, that in this context it is different theraputic. However, I don't know if I can get pass the fact that he is a male and if I will be able to open up to him about it.

It is hard b/c I in no way have any desire to leave and find a woman T.. but, I don't know if I will be open with him as well. Tell me somebody has gotten past this issue?? Any advice??

[bluemountains]

Hi Healed84,
I don't find it easy to say the words to my female t, so I can't imagine it being tougher to tell a male t. I have to write everything down that I share, and can't elaborate on it when she asks. Maybe one day.
My advice is if you like your t, maybe you should stick with him and progress at a pace that you can. As you get more comfortable, you probably will be able to verbalize more details.
Bluemountains

[geez]

My first T/old T was a woman and it was hard telling her but if she were a man (I purposely sought out a female T) I don't know if I could ever say 'it'.

I'm now looking for a new T and have an appointment tomorrow with a woman. After that I may have to go to a male T for trauma (there aren't a ton of T's to chose from in my town). While that scares the hell out of me I think I would grow and possibly be stronger for it.

Keep us posted on how things go for you!

[Open Eyes]

You know what? I know what you are saying and I have a male therapist and YES, YES, YES, it was so hard for me to talk about my CSA. I started by just broaching on the subject and even pretended I was thinking about members here that experienced that. And so he talked about CSA and what happens and how children don't understand and he was great. And I got to slip myself into the mix without feeling bad because of the way he talked about it. I am SO GLAD I got over that hurdle, yes I know what you mean. And the way he talks about it, it isn't so hard anymore I am getting better at it. And this week I talked about something I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE, and he knew it was hard for me and HE WAS SO KIND AND GOOD ABOUT IT, NO SHAME, IT WAS GOOD TO GET IT OUT! And I NEVER thought I would EVER be able to talk about this CSA.

So please keep trying because I feel so much better that I can work on it FINALLY!!!

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[mortimer]

Tell him that you are scared to tell him cos he's a guy. Maybe he has some ideas?

Good luck, just don't give up give yourself time.

[Elli-Beth]

I'm glad I'm working with a male T because it's helping me get over a fear of males

I'm with Open Eyes in that I just this week told him (my male T) something I've never told anyone. Ever. Something I thought that I never would tell anyone. Ever. Ever. EVER.

I do not find it difficult to talk about sex in general. I actually find it somewhat easier to talk to men because it has been my experience that, in general, they judge less than other women do (just my experience up to this point in my life). However, when it does to my own childhood sexual abuse, I am pretty much inarticulate. I am finally getting there with my male T. He has been immensely patient and kind. He actually has spent a fair amount of time talking in our sessions (rather than forcing me to talk or sit there in silence). He talks about "normal" reactions to physical and sexual abuse. He talks about the shame and how it isn't mine, but it's normal. So, a lot of what he does is education.

Your therapist will be able to help you find the words. I'm thinking of inviting my T to a guessing game. I think he has probably guessed the rest of the stuff that I have hidden. So, I'm wondering if he will just articulate what he has guessed, if that would make it easier for me to just SAY yes or no to give us a jumping off place. Do you think something similar might work for you?

[healed84]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I'm with Open Eyes in that I just this week told him (my male T) something I've never told anyone. Ever. Something I thought that I never would tell anyone. Ever. Ever. EVER.

I do not find it difficult to talk about sex in general. I actually find it somewhat easier to talk to men because it has been my experience that, in general, they judge less than other women do (just my experience up to this point in my life). However, when it does to my own childhood sexual abuse, I am pretty much inarticulate. I am finally getting there with my male T. He has been immensely patient and kind. He actually has spent a fair amount of time talking in our sessions (rather than forcing me to talk or sit there in silence). He talks about "normal" reactions to physical and sexual abuse. He talks about the shame and how it isn't mine, but it's normal. So, a lot of what he does is education.

Your therapist will be able to help you find the words. I'm thinking of inviting my T to a guessing game. I think he has probably guessed the rest of the stuff that I have hidden. So, I'm wondering if he will just articulate what he has guessed, if that would make it easier for me to just SAY yes or no to give us a jumping off place. Do you think something similar might work for you?

Well, I think one of the reasons why the "incident" came up was b/c he was starting to think that there was more underneath that I was not sharing.. apparently I have some classic traits of somebody who has been abused.. and now that I have spent the week reading The Courage to Heal, I can see that.. lol. So, he was the one who brought it up. Asked me overtly if I had been abused. Anyways, so having him ask me what the details are, or having him guess isn't that bad of an idea. I imagine I will have to learn to say the words eventually.

Thanks for the advice everyone.. I see T again on Monday, I am getting so nervous about that appointment.

[nannypat]

I work with a male pdoc/T. He is a specialist in trauma. He has a way that helps me talk without feeling embarrased. I feel more shame than anything. He also doesn't talk about more than twice in a row because he feels it is to overwhelming. Believe me there is pienty of other things that need help. I hope you can work through this with him. It takes a long time and a feeling of being very safe. It took me a year. Good luck.

[critterlady]

My T is a male and I never, ever thought I would have a male therapist. He's wonderful. I've told him things that I've never said to anyone.

I haven't yet been able to tell him the details of my CSA, but he knows a lot about it. He and I have talked about how hard it is for me to talk about the details and he's giving me whatever time I need. The way he sees it, it'll come layer by layer, bit by bit, as I get comfortable sharing small pieces. Eventually, it will all come out, but it doesn't have to be all at once. In fact, he thinks it'll be better for me not to try to share it all at once.

The key is to take your time. It'll probable always feel uncomfortable to tell him what happened, but it shouldn't be terrifying or traumatizing. His job is to help you get to that point.

[insideout]

I have had male and female therapists... While the males were very knowledgeable and helpful as far as listening, I didnt make any progress because they started to remind me of him and there was transference... Women are harder to talk to for me, but theyve been able to give me advice without any transference happening and I did make a little bit of progress.
I have had 2 therapists at one time for this reason. I could talk to the woman about more deep issues like sexual abuse, and I could talk to the male about real life difficulties like depression, insomnia, anxiety, etc.Im so fragmented that it works for me. If you can have 2 and alternate, I think thats the best way, IMO.

[Uthia]

Keep going. It is so hard but worth the release of the bondage of the past. If this male T works for you, keep going. I've tried both. All the T I've seen have gotten me closer to resolve.
He knows all about CSB and understands what a child goes through when victimized by this type of horrible abuse. My daughter was SA by her dad. I just got her free from him after 14 years of court battles, it's so hard to prove. She will someday be in your shoes and your courage helps me to know she will seek out the help she needs when she is ready.

[Sannah]

You are making good, slow progress. This is good. Give yourself time to unfold.

[justgivealittle]

Originally Posted by healed84

So, I got over one hurdle.. finally telling him that it has happend to me. However, I just couldn't really say more than that. Did not in any way get into details. I keep on referring to it as the "incident." T was trying to define it a little more.. Was it CSA, was it the R word.. and I just couldn't do it. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I have a very hard time talking about those kinds of things with males. Besides my husband, I do feel comfortable talking about anything sexual in nature. I know, that in this context it is different theraputic. However, I don't know if I can get pass the fact that he is a male and if I will be able to open up to him about it.

It is hard b/c I in no way have any desire to leave and find a woman T.. but, I don't know if I will be open with him as well. Tell me somebody has gotten past this issue?? Any advice??

Ya know that reminds me of my appointment yesterday. I was talking with my psychiatrist and We were talking about the R word since one of my anniversaries is Monday and she wanted me to explain what happened and my community support worker(who is a male named Jonathan) was in the room and I couldn't even do it. I said where it happened but I wouldn't elaborate anymore on it because I felt ashamed and weird talking about it in front of Jonathan. I didn't want him to think anything "bad" about me. *sigh* so I understand how its hard to talk about things like that in front of the opposite sex.