I just cant force myself to go.

Im terrified. the last time they pulled one on me when i went to the er for a bladder infection I bawled and cried and screamed and dissociated really badly.

I cant stand the thought of someones hands on me that arent H. Literally I am almost shaking now and my nether regeion is clenching up for the fear of it.

I know as a 23 year old female I HAVE to be going for one - yet I havent gone for one in like four years.

Ive tried before and literally ran away and hid in a park until it was too late for my appointment.

(these things are what really make me see what abuse does to a person)

What can I do? I am to terrified to even bring it up to my doctor

((((( Rainbowzz )))))

I am this way about Dr.'s and the dentist.

I had a hard time telling anyone. Still do. But my T said I needed to talk to them or it would be excruciatingly difficult every time.

She suggested all I had to say was "I had an abusive childhood, and I'm having a hard time here."

It was difficult to say the least and I wrote it down on a piece of paper in case I couldn't do it.

Got through the Dr. okay, (female, that seemed to help me) but used the note for the dentist.

They were both VERY understanding and compassionate.

Petunia

I hate and dissocaite at them too. my family physicain does them and we talked about it. He understood and during the exam at any time that I start getting the feeling of being far away and so on I tell him and he stops right then and there regardless of what he has completed or not. He also does most of the preliminary stuff - heart, lunngs and so on before he has me undress. that way when its time he gets in and out within just a couple minutes. I take my music with me and he has yet to be down in that are for more then one song. Basically his nurse gets everything set up and then its just swoop in and swoop out kind of deal. the first time we did things this way I said to him after getting in let me know when you are doing the PAP he said to late done and he was out of there. Basically by the time he gets to the internal part of the physical the rest of the exam has been completed with out my fully de clothing. I wear shirts to my physicals that I canopen one side and hole the other side and just switch sides as needed. and so on. His nurse also stands right next to me where I can see her.

Talk with your treatment professional and set up the exams so that they will me more comfortable for you.

a note. Hm, thats not a bad idea now is it?

I'd never thought of that before. I suppose they would be well versed in handling people like me wouldnt they?

When I was Ra*** a few years a go, that was the last time that I got checked out, but I was so out of it at the time anyways I wasnt even really aware of what was going on.

Gah, It took me a half hour just to write this post - No joke. And yet i say to myself that "it never really happened, i just made it up" or "it was just my imagination" or stuff like "its never had any effect on me."

Well, things like this just sort of strike me as saying "uh, yes, it happened and this is proof right here" (flashbacks, nervousness about stranger touching me etc)

Sigh.

Well I am going to think about making an appointment at the local Planned Parenthood (luckily my female doctor works there throughout the week too, maybe I could bring the note in to one of the nurses and see if she can talk to my doctor, that way its less direct.

Thanks Pet.

Thanks myself.

I just know that this is something I HAVE to be doing but its so hard to make that first step.

yea mine too. I have been known to have friends or my therapist go with me to medical appointments that helps too.

[Monty_girl]

Rainbowzz I understand your fear completely. Is this a new doctor or someone you've seen before?? One thing that has helped me is when the nurse does all her paperwork before the doc comes in I tell her up front that I'm an abuse survivor and that I have anxiety problems. That is all I normally have to say. They pretty much get the picture then and you don't have to go into detail. If you tell them this up front they tend to go a little slower and try to make sure you're OK. Is the doc female?? Make sure you have a nurse in the room with you. The nurse has comforted me during exams. And ask the doc to please tell you what they are about to do before they do it. It helps to know that you are about to be touched before they actually do it.

Just remember you are doing this for your health and this is a way of taking care of yourself. Even though it's the worest thing there is.

Can H go with you??? Just have to prepare yourself.

Many good thoughts for you,
Monty

( and on that note I need to get my courage up and make my appointment )

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Monty_girl said:
Rainbowzz I understand your fear completely. Is this a new doctor or someone you've seen before?? One thing that has helped me is when the nurse does all her paperwork before the doc comes in I tell her up front that I'm an abuse survivor and that I have anxiety problems. That is all I normally have to say. They pretty much get the picture then and you don't have to go into detail. If you tell them this up front they tend to go a little slower and try to make sure you're OK. Is the doc female?? Make sure you have a nurse in the room with you. The nurse has comforted me during exams. And ask the doc to please tell you what they are about to do before they do it. It helps to know that you are about to be touched before they actually do it.

Just remember you are doing this for your health and this is a way of taking care of yourself. Even though it's the worest thing there is.

Can H go with you??? Just have to prepare yourself.

Many good thoughts for you,
Monty

( and on that note I need to get my courage up and make my appointment )

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Well, now I havent even thought of that to be honest.

(taking H with me)

Thankfully I have a wonderful hubby who is wonderfully strong and calm and also has a very calming voice, I wonder would they let me take him with me? That would be a pretty good idea. Too bad he wasnt a doctor and could just do it himself lol.

I think I know what I need to do now, its just getting the courage to take that step.

its just getting the courage to take that step.

You already took your first step by posting this and asking for help.

[SweetSunshine]

Hey Rain~ Jus saw this . I also told my gyno about being abused too. I have a male doc but he is realy good to me. His sister was abused also So he had a very compassionate side about this stuff. We talked in depth about what would make me comfortable . And the one thing that I am soooo glad we came up with is that I have complete control over what happens. Along with him telling me what he is going to do, I have the absolute right to say STOP at anytime I become uncomfortable. I've had to do it a couple times too. Sometimes we are able to finish the exam right then .. sometimes he will go see another patient till I am able to do it. If you have the right doctor .. they will be wiling to work with you thru this. And more times than not, thy are easier to talk to than we think. I hope this helps. I'll be thinking of ya. ~

Hugz~
Bethy( Slinger) lol

[(JD)]

I was going to suggest also that H goes with you... let H stand beside you and chat... maybe you will feel safer that way (for nothing would happen for sure with H around, right?!) I also agree with telling the doctor, and nurse. Try and realize that it is very quick! If you speak to your doctor, I'll bet it will be even less time taken! Realize it is just a brief moment in time... I think a good doctor can do the necessary checks in less than 2 minutes Ask!

[mtd]

Hello Rainbowzz,

I can relate. I had to tell my doctor why I was so uncomfortable, specifically why I refused to disrobe like the nurse said and sit there in that paper gown. It just feels too vulnerable to me, especially knowing the doctor is going to come in and easily be able to remove stuff and see stuff and touch me, which I can't really stand from anyone. It felt actually like a relief to me to say it and reinforce my boundaries. And he seemed pretty understanding, though I probably would have been better off with a female doctor because men abused me and I don't like to be near them. Either way, it was really affirming to myself to assert what I was comfortable with and what I was not. I set my boundaries in other relationships now, so the doctor - patient one should be no different, I believe. Today, I especially hope for you that you are able to find a way to be comfortable and receive care, and that you are able to be patient with yourself and your fears. And your fears are understandable, so I would really encourage you to go slowly and ask for time and patience from your doctor, even if that means the doctor has to go slower or even leave the room for a while if you start to feel uncomfortable. You deserve for any doctor's appointment to be comfortable for you and to meet your emotional needs.

I'll be thinking about you, and I know others here will also. You are not alone.

Be well,

mtd

[Monty_girl]

Rainbowzz,
I think going to Planned Parenthood would be great. They are very understanding there and deal with a lot of issues with women. They would make you feel very comfortable there. My first exam I ever had was there and they treated me very well. I wish that we had one around here that I could go to now. Good Luck, let us know how it goes. Fingers are all crossed for you.

Monty

[sujunew]

i just thought i'd check out your post, and wow, it brought up so many feelings for me- negative, not positive. i don't know the real reason why, but i have always been uncomfortable around any male professional. (I have do have a couple of reasons now, unfortunately). My doctor, my counsellor, my psychiatrist all have to be female. I have moved around an awful lot- about 12 times in 8 years i think, so that does not help in continuity of care. But I am lucky that all of my GPs have been so understanding during physical exams without me telling them anything- they have picked up on how nervous and uncomfortable I was at the start. But I would definately recommend having a nurse in with you for support. it makes it that tiniest bit easier. all the best of luck