*** MAJOR TRIGGER - GRAPHIC VIOLENCE ***

(((((((( Friends )))))))))

I will call the Lion's and Rotary clubs and ask them. I need an emotional support dog, which is different than a service dog. I misspoke. Of course, if it can be trained to fetch, that would be very nice. It takes a year at least to get a trained dog from an organization and I just don't think I'm in shape to wait that long.

I went for the hearing test. The Dr I visited put a tuning fork up next to both ears and then on my forehead and I couldn't hear it. He sent me to another specialist, but I won't get the test finished until Thursday.

I went to the Physical Therapy intake meeting. My therapist is very nice. She did some tests on me. She is going to start me in pool therapy tomorrow. We hope it will help with the pain. My left hand is definately weaker than the right but I have hope that I will recover.

The PT did say that my brace must be made longer so that it extends to my tail bone. It has to have buckles instead of velcro so it will be much longer, tighter and more restrictive. It's ok though if it makes me well.

I have to go for another casting on Friday and already dread it. It's so embarrassing, but I'm going to try to think funny thoughts and maybe it will help. I really wish one of you were here to go with me for support... You have no idea how I depend on you.

I am used to being underweight and I have put on weight since the attack. I know I have. Yet, I did not think myself as too awfully terrible looking. Some well meaning old lady told me today that fat, fat people need to tan because they don't look so very fat when they're brown! I was so shocked I was speechless.

Now I'm not sure I want to go out my door again, but I guess I'll survive, though I'm really more upset by her comment than this sounds.

Hugs,

Jan

((((((((((((((((((((Jan))))))))))))))))))))

it took me a while to come here, just because i don't like reading violence (gets me all worried). but you're you, and i wanted to read your story. you're so strong, so brave. i love you to death and i hope you know that you can PM me for anything, anytime.

good luck, jan. "M" will get his soon enough!

omg - Jan.... I don't know what to say. Other than that I am now and always here for you

Jan, I can't even imagine the terror running through your mind when he did that to you. I'm so, so sorry.

Be strong and do whatever it takes to get well.

I was watching a show on Animal Planet about pets who have saved their owner's lives, just average, run of the mill pets. There was one segment on a Black Lab who had never been trained as any sort of service animal, but when his "mom" accidentally splashed a bucket of pool chemicals in her eyes and couldn't see, the dog ran to her until she could grab his collar and then he slowly walked her to the house on her hands and knees to the phone. They said that Labs have a natural ability to know when their owners need help and what to do and have a sixth sense about their needs.

Pretty cool, I thought.

((((((((Jan)))))))))

Think of us being there with you and helping you. We're there in spirit. I wish that there were more that I could do for you. Dogs are good for emotional support too. Could it still be trained as a service dog so you can take it with you everywhere? I think that would help a lot.

I can't believe what the lady said to you about tanning. Some people just don't seem to think before they open their mouths, no matter how well-intentioned they are.

You're a wonderful person, and you don't deserve to go through any of this, but I know you're strong and I know you will make it.

Love,
Rap

Back again, Jan!
Just wanted to send you lots of positive thoughts, and please know that what Rap said is true. We'll be there with you all the way, in spirit. You have our love and prayers! ((((((Jan)))))))

The aduser called me last night. I was told he was calling to offer to pay for the service dog, my extra clothing I had to buy to fit over the brace, for PT and pool therapy and the hearing aid if I need it.

He spat out vile things and told me it's MY fault hit me. I hung up on him and was triggered all night. Never again. I was hoping a peaceful settlement could be reached, but no one will ever convince me to answer that phone again. I am thinking of having my number changed but hate to because my Mom will be totally confused as will I.

I checked with the Volence counselor yesterday for the victim's recovery fund. I was so afraid to talk to him but he was very nice. He is sending information and some forms to fill out and return to him.

I also talked with one of the people who train the service dogs. She recommended a young female Bichon, but they are difficult to find from rescue shelters. I sent several pms to rescue organizations last night and one very kind lady has written back to me and told me most are males who mark their territories and have potty training issues. She said the breed as a whole has potty training probs. That won't work. They also cost $300 and the training is $300. There is no way I can afford that.

After last night I am afraid to go outside my door or even stay inside my apartment. I know the trigger will wear off in time, but how long will it take? He drives a big semi and I'm afraid he's going to run over me. It sounds irrational, but he could do it and say it's my fault and I'd be dead.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring and thank you for for being you.

Hugs,

Jan

January, when I rule the world creeps won't exist. Keep on keeping on taking care of yourself. Us bunnies are pulling for ya.

And I thought the guys *I* dated were a$$holes! Geeze!

I'm so sorry, Jan. I wish I could do more to help. Do you have a restraining order, or can you get one? My memory isn't the best these days, so please forgive me if you've answered this one somewhere already.

I know how horrible it is not to be able to get away from an abuser. A parent was mine, and I am 41 y/o and still can't get away, psychologically, anyway.

Let me know if there is anything concrete I can do for you -- make phone calls or whatever.

Love, Candy

Jan it took me a while to respond to this... I just was taken aback and was in shock... I am sooooo sorry that this happened to you. I had no idea. I wish there were something I could do to help you out.. I guess the best thing I can do is be here for you and offer you my shoulder.

(((((((((((((((((((((((jan))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))))
I just read this thread. I am so very sorry that you had to go through all this. My heart breaks. You are a survivor and a fighter. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this. Only question I have for you is you said he called you? Do you have a restraining order on him because if so seems to me he violated it.
I also want too add, by your bravery of writing your story you must know in your heart you are helping someone else as well as yourself. Let your friends help you because most people find comfort in helping someone they truly care about during a time of need.
Prayers and Hugs to you Jan
Cher

Jan
I'm so sorry you had that happen to you. You did right to hang up on him. Can you get a phone with caller ID? Maybe there is some kind of Victim Support charity which will help you fund that? Then you would be able to screen your calls and onlly take them if you knew who was calling. I hope the Violence counselor is able to help.

I can understand your fear. I hope you are able to overcome it - you are a strong person and you do not deserve what you have ahd to go through.

((((((((((( Friends )))))))))))))

Thank you so much for your replies. They help so much. They truly do.

I slept last night but I didn't rest because I had horrible night terrors. I am so tired, but I'm afraid to lay down and go to sleep. Rationally I know there are almost no people coming in and out of the building this time of night so his chance of getting inside the hallway is almost nil. That's the rational part of me. The fearful part is screaming, "Don't go to sleep!" Aargh.

He was fired today. He's had that job less than a month after quitting his last job in January. Even with a lawsuit, he can't pay for my expenses if he doesn't have a job.

I may go meet and talk with the Abuse counselor at the court house tomorrow. I'm not promising anything because my pdoc and counselor both feel he will disregard the law and come at me full force if I get him in trouble with the judicial system.

I will check the phone with each call and make sure he isn't calling before I answer. I do have caller id so that will help. If I hadn't been told he was calling to make payment arrangements I would have never picked it up last night.

Thank you for reading this. Thank you for caring.

Jan

I just returned from my hearing test. It's official. I have hearing loss. He not only shattered a bone in my ear, he hit me so darn hard that the nerves are damaged. I can't differentiate words using that ear. They can't do surgery and a hearing aid won't help. I have only a 10% chance of nerve regeneration and it gets less with each passing week. The Dr told me I'm just going to have to adjust.

I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I haven't slept since he called and now this.

This too, shall pass. This too, shall pass.



Jan

(((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))

Wish I could help.

Thinking of and praying for you.

Caroline

I know you told me not to look, Jan, but I had to. I can't post here what I would do if I was in your situation and truthfully, it wouldn't be the "legal" way to go.

OMG!! I can't believe I'm going to post this... Do you know any Hell's Angels????? Murder ISN'T what you want, ok? for you.

If I could, Jan, I'd be there at the drop of a hat and take you so far away from that, that....!!!!!!

Jan, I commit to praying a hedge of protection around you daily...

Thank you so much everyone for reading. I was so afraid no one would like it.

Thank you for the good thoughts and prayers. Hedges of protection do work and is greatly needed.

Hugs to all,

Jan

Jan,

Please get what you can for self-protection...mace, pepper spray, taser (if legal there), etc.

Please continue to speak with victim's witness. Can you call the prosecutor's office and speak hypothetically with them about what protection could be offered a person that would come forward in a situation like this and what could be guaranteed? If you would like, I will make that call so that it can't be traced to you and make you more afraid.

There are no words I have that express my anger, sorrow and upset right now.

I will actively do anything that I can to help.

Much love and respect.

kd

((((((((((((((((Jan))))))))))))))))))
Thinking of you!!!!

(((((((Jan)))))))

I've been reading too, and will keep reading.

I keep wondering why he isn't locked up in jail? And why he's even allowed to call you even to make payment arrangements? That needs to go through lawyers or somebody else because he has no business ever contacting you or traumatizing you in any way. He is in violation of the restraining order for calling you and threatening you, and he should be in jail for that. I'm also concerned that you're following what happens with him (like that he was fired) because that must be another stress that you don't need.

I'm sorry if I come across as lecturing. I don't mean to, but I'm mad on your behalf because you just shouldn't have to keep getting more to deal with.

Also, I want you to know that I know it's hard to get law enforcement to follow through enough when they should. I just thought in a situation like this where the guy is still out there being a threat, they would do something about it. (I pressed charges against the girl who assaulted me last summer and haven't heard anything even though I asked for repayment of the $1000 medical bill from that - I didn't have any permanent damage, but some things like the black eyes rang a bell for me because I had that too even though that wasn't where I was hit).

Anyway, thanks for opening up. Know that you always have a friend here. Let me know anything I can do.

Be Safe,
Rap

((((((((((((( Friends ))))))))))))))))

M has been told not to call or come near me. I do not have an order against him because my pdoc and t and are worried that if I don't sort of melt quietly in the background instead of getting a court order of protection, etc., he'll kill me.

In this state, you must face your accuser. You must meet in the same building at the same time. There is no such thing as telling your side and then them hiding you while they talk to the person you have accused. I know it's fair because a lot of people could be falsely accused but it's so dangerous...

I did not have to have a new body cast today. They are going to use the other one and make it longer. It should be ready by Wed.

In six months I'll be eligible for a home health care worker's assistance, and I spoke with the director of the program today. This is the third time I have spoken with her and she is a marvelous person. She is going to try to pull some strings and help me get my emotional support dog! I'm so excited!

She told me I need to call my pdoc, so it's on the list to do Tues morning. Now if I can just remember to look at my list...

Hugs,

Jan

January -

I was in simular situations and a domestic violence agency helped me.

Its nationwide and every state has it and there are many, many shelters in every state. Be it the person just needs a place to hide for a bit or a total relocation plan.

Not only do they offer counseling for many forms of domestic violence - relatives, friends, lovers, spousal you name it they work with it - but theyu also know the law and court process and go to court with their clients.

The nation wide number is

1-800-799 -SAFE (1-800-799-7233)

They will be able to put you in touch with the domestic violence office that covers your area.

Domestic Voilence first helped me back in the 1980's and no matter what state I am in when I need them I have never had anything but the best from their agencies.

There is also a great website http://www.WomansLaw.org which has come in handy many times for me.

Good luck and take care.

Thank you!

Hugs,

Jan

((((((((JAN ))))))))) I care

((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))))

You're welcome