I hope this doesnt offend everyone. I hate bringing abuse up in therapy. I feel like just mentioning it is a cover up for my own failure. There have been various types of abuse, but i fear that I'll talk about it too much, that im using it as an excuse, that I will lose the right focus in therapy. Anyone ever feel this way?

[damajdancer]

(((((((esthersvirtue))))))))
I have felt that way, many times.
When I first started therapy I didnt want to talk about it at all. But once I finally did, my T helped me relize that none of it was my fault and that it was all their fault. You are not a failure, you are a survivor! we are here for you, PM me any time.
hugs,
-megan-

[9874]

I hated to admit it, but the abuse had definitely shaped me. It was through talking about the abuse that I was finally able to makie sense of my feelings of helplessness, anger issues, intimacy issues, you name it. The past abuse is not separate from the person we are today. As you begin to talk about it you will find relief, you will be able to process the abuse and integrate it. Yes, it takes a certain level of trust, you need to feel fairly safe with your therapist, to allow yourself to access your deepest emotions, and to allow yourself to be vulnerable in the process. When you're ready, at your own pace. In the meantime, take gentle care. And yes, I can definitely relate to what you say.. You've articulated it so well. One day you will realize that your sense of failure is not about your actual failure, it's perhaps about your failure to protect yourself, which of course is not your fault! You were incapable of protecting yourself, poor little girl! It was up to the adults to protect you! Oh how sad that they didn't.
I hope you find healing soon.

[hillbunnyb]

coming to terms with our pasts and our selves in the present is what it's all about. I go through cycles. On all levels. Have words, don't have words; am brave, am shaing in my booties;
have the anwers, nothing makes sense.....

For me, saying things out loud is like lancing a boil. a kind of letting go. Hard to make myself do, but, oh the relief after! All that "stuff", out of me, the pressure is off. things look different, more manageable, healing can proceed.

....and once you get things out once, and they don't seem so huge, you find yourself mentioning them again, elsewhere, and people respond and you get to find out you are not alone in your experience, whew, that is one cool experience!!! deep breaths come easier....... in your own time....

[mrb020377]

(((((((((((((((((((esthersvirtue))))))))))))))))))

I feel your pain. Idont really like talking about my abuse as well. I want people to see me for me, not someone that has been put through hell and back. I used to think that I was made of glass and that everyone could see that I was sexually abused for years. i treid to ignore the fact that i was abused. hoping it would go away.. of course it didnt. I was afraid to talk about because like you i was afraid that people would think i was using it as an excuse. It wasnt until my hubsand started talking to me and he would listen without judgment and he would talk to me about what happened, that I felt that it was ok.. Therapy started because I was having a hard time dealing with the effects of my abuse. it was wearing me out... I still have moments, but they are easier to deal with. I realize now that by talking about it, we arent making excuses for ourselves.

please be easy on yourself

[Valis]

I'm sort of goping through this problem now with my T.
Often I dance around the issue of my experinces with abuse, and when I do talk about it, I have a tendecy to edit the content the point where I'm not sure I'm explaining the situation right.

when I first started therapy, I wouldn't even utter a word about my past abuse...but now that I realize that being Vulnerable isn't a crime, I can open up a little more.

Its like jumping into cold water; sure it may shock you at first, but as time goes on you'll get use it...you just have to try (at least once).

that's my two cents at the least.

Hope you get that confidence you need esthervirtue

I kind of wish I had this problem. LOL then I would not be DID. My memorys of abuse are separated according to tastes, touches, smells, sights, hearing and emotions and then stored that way at my unconscious level of thinking so in order for me to talk about what I went through beyond saying the words "I was touched", "I was raped" and "I was hit" I have to be mentally floating in my mental safe place and physically acting out the memory pieces. And even that little bit gets me lots of static in my head and strong urges to hurt myself and audio memories of hearing voices telling me to "shut up" and such. What memories I do have has come through 23 plus years of working with therapists on memory recall work to put my memories back together.

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damajdancer said:
When I first started therapy I didnt want to talk about it at all. But once I finally did, my T helped me relize that none of it was my fault and that it was all their fault.

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Thanks so much. I do think it will be a relief to get some things out.

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9874 said:
The past abuse is not separate from the person we are today. As you begin to talk about it you will find relief, you will be able to process the abuse and integrate it.

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Thats exactly what I want .. to integrate it but not let it overwhelm me. I think your right about trusting your therapist. Its something i need to do.

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hillbunnyb said:
....and once you get things out once, and they don't seem so huge, you find yourself mentioning them again, elsewhere, and people respond and you get to find out you are not alone in your experience, whew, that is one cool experience!!! deep breaths come easier....... in your own time....

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THanks Hill.. I look forward to deeper breaths!!

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mrb023077 said:
Therapy started because I was having a hard time dealing with the effects of my abuse. it was wearing me out...

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sounds like my story. Thank you for the support.

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Valis said:
I'm sort of goping through this problem now with my T.
Often I dance around the issue of my experinces with abuse, and when I do talk about it, I have a tendecy to edit the content the point where I'm not sure I'm explaining the situation right.

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OH MY GOSH. This is my EXACT Problem. I say im frustrated with myself instead of saying. im slashing my wrists at night. Im so euphemistic about past abuse that I dont even hardly reference it.

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myself said:
I kind of wish I had this problem. LOL then I would not be DID. My memorys of abuse are separated according to tastes, touches, smells, sights, hearing and emotions and then stored that way at my unconscious level of thinking so in order for me to talk about what I went through beyond saying the words "I was touched", "I was raped" and "I was hit" I have to be mentally floating in my mental safe place and physically acting out the memory pieces. And even that little bit gets me lots of static in my head and strong urges to hurt myself and audio memories of hearing voices telling me to "shut up" and such.

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I understand. actually.. i didn't say it was easy to talk about. I dissociate allot int herapy and i have never EVER EVER uttered the words of what happened. I just worry about even mentioning it that it will take the focus in therapy, but i think i need to trust my T.

[lenjan]

EV, it took me 7 years and 3 T's before I found one I knew in my bones I could trust completely. I am the sort of person who likes to jump in with both feet and just get it over with, and I was stuck for so long because the whole thought of saying even one word about my abuse made me sick. Gregory told me to look at it as if we were going on a long road trip. I told him when I take longish road trips, I like to plow right through and not stop much. He said he preferred lots of potty stops, and so we were going to look at this that way. He gave me the freedom to stop or back off or whatever whenever I needed to. Once I got one thing out, the rest was a lot easier to talk about, and I have to tell you, it is a true joy to have someone else shoulder some of the burden for you.

Eventually I learned, though I still have setbacks, that it WASN'T my fault, and learned to put the blame where it belongs. It's very freeing. Take as much time as you need to get there, but do take a deep breath and start the journey. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

I'm here rooting for you all the way. PM anytime you need me.

Love, Candy

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candybear said:
He gave me the freedom to stop or back off or whatever whenever I needed to. Once I got one thing out, the rest was a lot easier to talk about, and I have to tell you, it is a true joy to have someone else shoulder some of the burden for you.

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It sounds relieving. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I have written my T a short note openning up a little and I am going to work towards sharing more each time as I feel comfortable. I need to get the painful stuff out.

[lenjan]

A short note is a great idea. When we first started on talking about my abuse, Gregory had me try to write it down. I sat there with his notepad and pen for 30 of our 50 minutes trying to get something out. He said he had all the time in the world and that one sentence would be a great start, so I finally got out one sentence: "My mother abused me." I still couldn't bring myself to say what kind of abuse, and I resented the crap out of Gregory at the time for making me do that, but 9 months down the road, when I had gotten out the really heavy-duty stuff and come to relative peace with it, I couldn't thank him enough.

I hope you have as great a T as I did!