[UmightKnowMe]

Is there a 'big book of therapy' somewhere that has a step by step....Do this...then do this....and then this.....and you will feel better??? I am tired of vague 'you need to stop letting them have power over you' and 'you need to put the blame where it belongs' etc. I dont know HOW to do that! My T says that I do. I beg to differ.
Is there a list of homework assignments?
I hate feeling like I am wasting time. I do want to get better.

[sabby]

Lord, if it were ever that simple....we wouldn't be here now would we???

Healing is such an individual thing....there is no way to be able to generalize it so much as to have a "How To" book, or a "Psych for Dummies" book.

I guess all we can do is take things step by step. Trying different things along the way until we find what works for us. But we are all different, we all heal differently, we all grieve differently....etc etc.

I hope you can find some healing soon. Talking to others and getting ideas is good. Keeping the lines of communication open along with keeping your mind open to new opportunities and ideas is good. I wish you well!

Hugssssss
J

[Rapunzel]

There are a lot of books that can help, but it takes more than reading to heal. You have to do the work, and it isn't easy to heal from trauma.

One book you might look for is "Healing the Child Within" by Charles Whitfield. He has a workbook too, "A Gift To Myself." The workbook is meant to take a few years to go through. You will find many other books if you look for them. The thing to remember is that they work, but only when you do the work and don't take shortcuts. If you ask, your T might help you work through one of these books, or might have recommendations for books too.

[UmightKnowMe]

I think I have seen that Child Within book before. I keep wondering if my T wanted me to do those things (read a certain book or do an exercise or write out something) then why hasn't he? and if I suggest it does it mean I am trying to do his job for him or that I think I know better or I don't know.... I always hesitate to lead our discussion because he is the professional and knows how to help me. But I am so impatient!

[Talulah]

Wow, embracing therapy was so hard for me because I am such a step by step person. It was like, okay give me a horrible list of to-dos, I'll work diligently on it and give it 100% and when I'm done I'll be fixed right?
I wanted a path that someone gave me, told me what to do and I would do it! I still struggle with this mentality and it hangs me and my T up every time.......

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I wished I wished.

[desperado]

I wish I could give you guys some answers. I don't know where to begin myself.

[Irine]

Umoightknowme,
(cool username!)

i wanted to ask you: how much time passed?
the trouma of abuse is like a wound that takes time to heal.
i remember being impatient about all that..remember writing lyrics about how i was haunted by those hatefiul memories, being SICK of them, but sometiems impatiance makes things worse. we made things WORSE and "bigger" with our rejection. what i mean is, sometimes (most of times) we need to except reality as it is, and it helps a lot. "o.k so i have thios right now. i belive it`s only tempotaty". things like that help a lot moe tahn "fighting".
after you made this step you will cope with the feelings much esier.

by the way-
"I always hesitate to lead our discussion because he is the professional and knows how to help me."
-this may be wrong becasue when YOU lead the conversation the therapist knows better how ti help you!
i remember my concelour said "i go with you"
adn when she say there was something important she focused on it. sometiems we might think that it`s not important abd the T descovers it is, but only when we let ourselves say everything we can get to the point.

i hope this helps

[UmightKnowMe]

Thanks...it is HARD to choose a user name!

How much time has passed? since the trauma happened? well the first thing was when I was 5 and i am a parent of kids older than 10 now sooooo.
How long have I been working on this? i have been in T for a long time...but working on other things....dancing around the BIG thing. Then this flashback thing happened and it seems we are talking more about IT now. about a month I would say.

so you are saying I need to get comfortable with the way I am feeling now and not want to get past it? I feel really stuck in it though...lots of WHY ME and Why didnt someone help me? and Why didnt I stop it? and WHY WHY and feeling rotten about how it has shaped my life and subsequent events and who I could have been IF ONLY. And it is a depressing sucky place to be.

[UmightKnowMe]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It was like, okay give me a horrible list of to-dos, I'll work diligently on it and give it 100% and when I'm done I'll be fixed right?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

EXACTLY!!
I want homework! I want to write this and answer this and then this will happen and I can do THIS.

So there isn't anything like that huh?
what do we do now?

[mtd]

I understanf your frustration. I've been there too, so I wrote up some exercises. If you would like to try one or two of the beginning exercises, send me a private message and I can pass them on.

be well,

mtd

[UmightKnowMe]

thanks for offering to send some exercises my way.

I guess I hate the week between t appts....feeling like time is wasting...I want to be better...i need to DO something!

D

[Calm]

Hi UmightKnowMe,

The methodical approach has often helped me in other areas of my life but it hasn't seemed to work well in therapy. I could enter a session with specific issues wanting to address, and lo and behold we are well on our way down another path. Sometimes my mind feels like an archaeological dig. While exploring one area, other areas are uncovered with their surprises.

I've had many sessions where I have trouble sticking with the topic. I've brought in lists of things to go over and even with those at times I leave the session and later realize I didn't cover some things on my list.

I hope you find a system that works for you.

Calm

Oh D, I know that feeling of needing to DO something between sessions, but there is no need. Leave it for the session and be kind and gentle to yourself in between.

Here's a link to a good site that has a great Question and Answer section about therapy: www.guidetopsychology.com.

And if you like to read, there's an author I began reading recently that writes with such simplicity I find it very relaxing. Some books are available on audio-tape. She is an amreican Buddhist nun by the name of Pema Chodron. I am currenlty reading "When Things Fall Apart" which is compared to "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". You can find her books at www.shambhala.com. They also may be available at your local library #294.3444 in the non-fiction section.

Hang in there!