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Old Jun 06, 2011, 04:22 PM
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Imminence Imminence is offline
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Ok, this is hard to talk about... I am 22 years old, engaged, a proud mother of a 7 month old daughter and have severe personality issues (not going in to details atm). I almost died twice during my pregnancy and again when i had my daughter. I was in labor for a full 24 hours. Her cord broke and everything had to be manually removed after they cleaned her up. She stayed several weeks in a lvl 2 mursery because she could not survive without the machines. I was told by doctors that i was not under any circumstances to become pregnant for at least one year or i would die in the process. I do have a very weak immune system and have been very ill as of late. for almost 3 months actually. now i find out that antibiotics cancel out birth control and i am pregnant. i am scheduled to go out of state tomorrow to get an abortion. I do not want to lose my daughter if i was to die, and i can not afford another child at the moment, but as my step-father gave me the money (which he already owed me anyways!) he and my mother proceeded to talk down on me and call me a murderer. If i dont i will die. Just really need re-assurance that i am doing the right thing.. I dont want my daughter to grow up without a mommy.
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  #2  
Old Jun 06, 2011, 04:36 PM
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(((Imminence)))) - I'm so sorry you're faced with this decision. I don't want to judge you but I hope you don't mind me saying a few things. Ultimately this is YOUR decision in the end. Would you be willing to get a 2nd opinion? They could also put you in the hospital if your pregnancy or you become in danger. As far as the money goes, there must be a way to get around that. In addition, since you had such a traumatic birthing experience this may be frightening to think something else could go wrong.

I don't want to confuse you more, but please make sure there's no other alternative before you make this choice. Often there are deep emotional consequences after this procedure. I think all doctors and pharmacists should put a huge warning and consult with a patient about antibiotics interactions with birth control pills. Hugs
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  #3  
Old Jun 06, 2011, 05:13 PM
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3 doctors told me the same thing... Few more details, im 4'11 and though pregnant still weigh only 103. They are worried that i wont be able to support the child or myself. im 4-6 weeks in and already having problems with malnutrition and dehydration though I eat and drink constantly and take vitamins. I have tried constantly to think of another alternative but im not sure that there is one. This has been bothering me for about 2 weeks now and im not sure what else, if there is anything else, to do.
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  #4  
Old Jun 06, 2011, 05:20 PM
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Are you having trouble with morning sickness and that's why you're malnourished? I don't want to convince you anymore than I already did, because I don't want to appear pushy. I know this is a painful decision and time in your life.
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  #5  
Old Jun 06, 2011, 05:28 PM
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RomanSunburn RomanSunburn is offline
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I guess I should warn everyone, I'm extremely liberal and pro-choice.

That being said, I realize that having an abortion can be extremely traumatic, and I don't believe it is a decision that should be made carelessly or lightly. I personally don't know of any other alternatives in your situation. Have you talked to a doctor about this situation at all? Have you talked with your fiance? What does he think about the situation?

I don't think you should beat yourself up over this. It was a simple mistake that many people make when it comes to antibiotics and birth control. From what I know of your situation, I believe (and again, this is just my opinion) that you are making the right choice for you and your family. If you haven't already, I would still try to speak with a doctor before doing anything. Also, if you don't have one, I would strongly recommend a therapist because either way, this is going to be extremely hard for you.

Good luck! Try to take care of YOU!
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  #6  
Old Jun 06, 2011, 05:48 PM
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Imminence Imminence is offline
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Thank you both for your feedback and I truly appreciate everything. From both points of view. I will talk to my fiance again tonight and I will leave his decision final ( I dont feel like I am in a state of mind to make this decision but I will let him know how I feel). After 8 years I can trust him to know what is best. I will be calling my therapist either way. thanks again
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  #7  
Old Jun 06, 2011, 06:04 PM
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I also want to state I'm pro-choice too, but still like people to try their best to find alternatives. I'm not one of those radical people who don't think it shouldn't be done even if the mothers in danger. I do know that some women end of regretting the decision and others are okay. Like you said you need more input from your therapist and fiance since this is an emotional time. Ultimately this is your decision and I wish you peace.
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  #8  
Old Jun 06, 2011, 08:19 PM
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salukigirl salukigirl is offline
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I'm sorry you are going through this. Nobody ever told me about the interaction between antibiotics and bc until I talked to a woman who had gotten pregnant because of that. They still don't tell me when I pick up meds but NOW I know. You are just unlucky in the fact that it did happen to you. I understand you being terrified to go through this all over again and I'm worried of the possibility of postpartum depression if you were to go through with this birth.

I understand the money situation and that is a legitimate concern. How does your fiancee feel about the whole thing? Sounds like your step-dad only gave you the money to be able to hold it over your head. It's terrible to have family make you feel even worse than you already do. I would say get a 2nd opinion but, with your account of your experiences, I wouldn't feel safe being pregnant either and don't think you will find a doc that will tell you to go for it. Not to mention, hospitalization for these things is very expensive and only adds more stress on to you and your family.

It's your body and you know it better than anyone else. If you do not feel okay being pregnant, then you know what to do. I hope you can get some support from friends or family because you shouldn't have to go through this alone.
Thanks for this!
lynn P.
  #9  
Old Jun 06, 2011, 08:37 PM
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I am pro-choice and I believe that its a woman's body and she has the right to terminate a pregnancy based on her individual circumstance. We are all different with different beliefs and values. I respect all values and opinions. I know you have considered this a great deal. I am thinking of you!!
With blessings;
Dee
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  #10  
Old Jun 07, 2011, 12:20 AM
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Wow I am so sorry your family called you a murderer. Those are some really harsh words. This is a big decision to be making under that kind of pressure and I wish they had been more empathic.

You have support here.

I hope you can find people to support you in RL and talk over your decision with. And it is your decision, no one else's. Sending you strength.
Thanks for this!
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  #11  
Old Jun 07, 2011, 12:35 AM
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Wow I am so sorry your family called you a murderer. Those are some really harsh words. This is a big decision to be making that pressure and I wish they had been more empathic.

You have support here.

I hope you can find people to support you in RL and talk over your decision with. And it is your decision, no one else's. Sending you strength.
  #12  
Old Jun 07, 2011, 03:04 PM
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I'll state up front that I am extremely pro-choice. And in my view the lives of the living take precedence over those of the foetus. My mother died when I was quite young so I basically grew up without a mother, and that was very hard.

Please do discuss this with your fiance, and do what is in the best interests of your family and that includes your health and your daughter's needs.

I know this is an extremely difficult decision to be faced with so I hope that you can discuss it with a T whatever you decide.

--splitimage
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  #13  
Old Jun 07, 2011, 04:00 PM
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I don't know if you've already travelled for this... and as you may know I am pro-life. However, I'm not judging you by any means in that sense....

What I am concerned about is that you will live with regret of not being sure of your decision. I hear so many stories of regret after a chosen abortion...and that was behind many of the laws about pre-abortion counseling. Can you wait and receive some of that, even if from a pro-life center? If not, please do seek out post-abortion counseling. There is so much that is going on both physically and psychologically after an abortion.

I don't see why you must leave the State for such an abortion. Doesn't each law leave an option for the doctor in case of a true threat to the mother's life? It sounds as though you may fit into that clause. I thought SC had legal abortion through nine months! But of course, if someone could carry that long, they could adopt out.

I'm so sorry that your life is out of control and has resulted in this. Hopefully you will be able to find help to prevent this again? Maybe while you're having the abortion?

Please know that you're in my thoughts...as well as that baby you carry.


Quote:
Abortion is legal in South Carolina through the entire nine months of a woman's pregnancy. That is because of what the United States Supreme Court decisions Roe v. Wade and Doe v. Bolton said in 1973. The "trimester" breakdown modeled after Roe v. Wade is currently law in South Carolina. • Months 1-3, legal for any reason, no restrictions except must have the pregnant woman's consent. (first trimester) • Months 4-6, legal for any reason; clinic or hospital performing the abortion must be licensed. (second trimester) • Months 7-9, legal for preserving "the life or health of the woman. " (The Supreme Court, in the companion abortion case to Roe v. Wade, called Doe v. Bolton, defined the term "health" as any physical, emotional, psychological, familial or age factor relevant to the well-being of the woman. ) (third trimester)
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Old Jun 07, 2011, 06:26 PM
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I am so sorry that you are facing this decision. If you do not mind sharing, why do you have to leave the state for an abortion? I ask because I had to have my last pregnancy terminated. Our state has very specific regulations on late term abortions. But since my case met those qualifications my own OB performed the operation at our local hospital and I was immediately put in touch with local professionals that specifically dealt with a loss such as this. Insurance also covered everything; my inpatient hospitalization, the procedure, medication and all therapy involved (some of which was not exactly voluntary).

I am so angry that your OB would make you sneak like a thief in the night to go to a clinic in another state to deal with strangers during this very difficult time! I felt it was thoughtless that I had to be housed on the maternity ward (even though I was in a private room )! What kind of a Dr makes you deal with this all on your own?!? I cannot imagine being treated this way!
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  #15  
Old Jun 07, 2011, 09:41 PM
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I am sorry you're going through this. I'm on the fence regarding abortion, but I know you will good take care of yourself and your daughter no matter what decision you made today. If this pregnancy really puts your life in jeopardy, you need to think of the child you already have...and I would tell your mother to get lost, to put it bluntly. Take care.
  #16  
Old Jun 07, 2011, 10:32 PM
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I'm extremely pro-life, but I believe there are certain exceptions. I do not believe you are a murderer. I may be pro-life, but if your life is in danger, you have to put yourself first unless you feel led to do otherwise. I am so sorry you are having to go through this and I believe you will make it through!
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  #17  
Old Jun 08, 2011, 04:02 AM
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You are NOT a murderer!! Don't allow that thought to live rent free in your head.

I'll share with you my views, so you can understand where I'm coming from. I do not like abortion because I think it is sad. I know that the life of a fetus/child, whichever you choose to call it, is precious, and I like to know that everyone gets a good chance at the best life they can have.

At the same time, the world and humans are not perfect. Nature isn't perfect. So although I don't like abortion, I understand that it is, at times, a necessary procedure to have.

You are in a difficult space here. I'm sure that, in your heart, if circumstances were different, you would love to go forward with this pregnancy, but things are what they are, and this is a health and safety issue for you, the unborn child, and your daughter for she needs a healthy Mother. You're making the best decision you can with the situation you have been handed and best decisions don't always equal the most favorable.

Please hear me!! You are not a murderer. You are not going to burn for this. You are going to get through and move forward.

I'm sorry that your family yelled at you and judged you. I do not know why or how parent's could be so un-supportive.

You make the best decision you can, and that's all anyone can ask of you.

Here for you, standing by you!!

Blessings
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Last edited by Elysium; Jun 08, 2011 at 04:16 AM.
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  #18  
Old Jun 25, 2011, 05:12 PM
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My answer is going to be simple: you are doing the RIGHT thing. You have a daughter and if you died, who would take care of her as well? DO NOT listen to your family saying those cruel things, they shouldn't judge until they are in that position themselves. Besides, abortions are often the lesser of two evils and I personally have no problem with them at all (as long as you are being careful which you clearly were!). Don't feel guilty. You will be helping out your daughter and family and this is the right thing to do. (hugs)
  #19  
Old Jun 25, 2011, 05:14 PM
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And, as a scientist, I am not against abortion at all.
  #20  
Old Jun 25, 2011, 05:39 PM
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Even being pro-life myself, I do believe it was cruel of your family to call you a murderer. You are only doing what is best for yourself and your daughter, given the situation. Thinking of you xx
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  #21  
Old Jun 25, 2011, 05:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elysium View Post
You are NOT a murderer!! Don't allow that thought to live rent free in your head.

I'll share with you my views, so you can understand where I'm coming from. I do not like abortion because I think it is sad. I know that the life of a fetus/child, whichever you choose to call it, is precious, and I like to know that everyone gets a good chance at the best life they can have.

At the same time, the world and humans are not perfect. Nature isn't perfect. So although I don't like abortion, I understand that it is, at times, a necessary procedure to have.

You are in a difficult space here. I'm sure that, in your heart, if circumstances were different, you would love to go forward with this pregnancy, but things are what they are, and this is a health and safety issue for you, the unborn child, and your daughter for she needs a healthy Mother. You're making the best decision you can with the situation you have been handed and best decisions don't always equal the most favorable.

Please hear me!! You are not a murderer. You are not going to burn for this. You are going to get through and move forward.

I'm sorry that your family yelled at you and judged you. I do not know why or how parent's could be so un-supportive.

You make the best decision you can, and that's all anyone can ask of you.

Here for you, standing by you!!

Blessings
Well said!
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  #22  
Old Jun 29, 2011, 05:08 AM
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just reading this now. I hope you are ok. I will be thinking of you. Dont feel judged here. There is nothing more you could have done.
Xxxxxxxxx
  #23  
Old Jun 30, 2011, 12:06 AM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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I hope you are ok. I had an abortion about 4 years ago because emotionally i felt I couldn't handle it. I was severly depressed and feared that i would attempt to end my life. That said, now that I am a little more stable, I wonder if it was the right thing to do. I think about how old the baby would be and miss it.
You need to do what is best for you. Always remember that
  #24  
Old Jul 13, 2011, 03:54 PM
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Imminence, I totally support your choice. I can relate how it may feel for you to be judged and criticized by your step-father and mother. I have difficult parents of my own. Easier said than done, but trust yourself regardless of what they say about you.
  #25  
Old Jul 13, 2011, 11:06 PM
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god you cant help it!!

i think thats cruel of them. that they have you believing that.
you HAVE TO SURVIVE for your daughter. You are not a murderer.
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