[notz]

No money, no jobs, no chance of financial help. We're going to lose the house and probably the equity.

I'm not a whiner. I tend to be stoic. This is all very difficult to deal with, I'm pissed and I cry too much.

I clipped my nails off today so I have nothing to chew on.

Thanks for your good thoughts.

[rainbow74]

((((((((((((((((Notz))))))))))))))))))

Sorry to hear this

[lynn P.]

(((Notz))) - I'm sorry to hear this too. Have you talked to the bank and explained your difficulties. Do you qualify for those new rescue loans your government has -I forget what they're called.

[notz]

Been there, done that, don't qualify.

Spouse always did our income tax...stymied to find out she hasn't filed either one of ours for 3 years.

I wish I had checked that it was done...who knew? She's been lying to me until it came up as a necessity in the home modification loan process.

I'm so angry with her, and me.

P.S. I've been carrying this around for a few weeks. Today, it had to come out. I wanted to spill it out here because you guys are friends to me. Telling anyone else right now seems too difficult, embarrassing and...and shameful.

[Amazonmom]

I'm so sorry Notz.

[Ygrec23]

Oh, Notz, Notz, Notz!

It's so easy to become completely overwhelmed by economics that you blot it all out because you're so frightened. Are you sure that that isn't the situation with your wife? In our family I (husband) do all the bill paying and tax filing. And my wife takes advantage of that to just completely tune out of the reality of our (awful) economic situation. She won't even share her social security check to pay bills with. Myself, I'm terrified. We don't even have enough to hire a lawyer and go bankrupt. And so we both drink everyday. And drink. And drink. As long as there's twenty dollars for a 1.75 liter bottle of cheap brandy. I guess there's nothing more to say, except please make sure your wife doesn't have a good excuse before you get really angry at her.

[splitimage]

((Notz))

I'm really sorry that you're in this predicament. I hope things get better for you soon. Re the taxes - that bites. But up here we have a voluntary disclosure program that you can apply to if you're behind on your filings. If you voluntarily go in and say I haven't filed, you can file but not be charged any penalties although you might still get charged interest if you owe taxes, but it's still better than the tax people coming after you. I know here you can also negotiate a payment schedule. I hope that the IRS has something similar.

Sending good thoughts your way.

--splitimage

[notz]

Thank you Ygrec23. I appreciate your words and support.

She admits that she's "made a mess of things", her words, not mine...although I'm not arguing! Yes, I'm angry, but I haven't stopped loving her. We'll get through this somehow. I just don't know what it's going to look like.

We don't drink anymore, can't afford to. That's both financially and other ways too. I'm an alcoholic, clean and sober 17 years now. It would be all too easy to crawl inside a pretty bottle and never come out again. I refuse to do that.

I don't know what we're going to do, I'm trying to gather what I can to get the taxes filed electronically as fast as I can and hopefully buy some time.

((( Notz )))

[LostSavant]

Let me tell you a story....I lost my health, lost my career, lost my house, have no income, no phone, no car (because I cant afford either) had to move into a camper, and now live 27 miles from a town. I got an attorney from day one, that was October 2007 and to this date, Im still waiting for SSD. The campground I live in, has about 2 dozen year around residents now, and most had similar stories to tell. So please dont feel alone. There are many like us, existing. Be greatful for the small things. I count my blessings everyday, I have my hubby and my cats. I have to wash clothes by hand and ration toilet paper. Soap and toilet paper are luxury items. Hang in there with the rest of us, things will eventually get better, it just takes time. (((((((((((hugs))))))))

[notz]

Splitimage,

Those are good thoughts. I don't know if the IRS has anything like your voluntary disclosure program. I guess I'm going to find out (she says with a decidedly nervous laugh)!

I just don't know, until I get into more.

Thanks Split, I always appreciate you.

[notz]

Lost Savant,

I like the glasses on your cat.

I'm humbled by your story. It's always a positive to hear something that gives one a moment of gratitude. I hope things improve for you, too.

[Typo]

(((((((((((Notz))))))))))))))))))

Sending my love and support to you in this diffcult time, I wish there was something I could do for you my friend.

Much love
Typo

[Sabrina]

I'm in a similar boat. My thoughts are with you.

[Perna]

Hey Notz, my brother has an MBA in accounting and was supposedly doing my stepmother's taxes; she died and we find he hadn't done them in seven years; we had to pay out of the estate to have an accountant do them before we could settle the estate; meanwhile the stock market did a major dive and the estate halved itself.

I suspect your wife was "afraid" of something; my area is accounting and I make my husband do all the investing, bookkeeping, taxes, etc.

I hope something comes up "heads" for you and your situation.

[eskielover]

suggest that you call the tax payer advocate 1-877-777-4778 (this is the number I used...not sure if it's still the same, but would guess it would be since those numbers don't usually change). They were very helpful with me when my husband messed up my taxes very badly being the "know it all" that he normally was all our married life & never willing to admit he didn't KNOW how to do something because he always knows everything & can't possibly admit that he doesn't.

My husband always did our taxes as they were mostly very simple even when we both had our careers going. However,5 years ago, I went through a horrible trauma when my Mother was dying of cancer (with the home care person). It messed me up so bad, I couldn't focus on anything for several years after the trauma & my mother's death. I inherited everything being the only child......I was keeping my inheritance away from my husband as I didn't want it completely lost because of him. I didn't trust him to do the taxes of my Mothers the year after her death, & suggested to my husband that the same accountant do our taxes because of the inheritance. I was going to outpatient treatment at the time & was having horrible flashbacks so I wasn't in any condition to FORCE him to do the right thing with our 2005 taxes. Come February 2008, I get a letter in the mail (thank heavens I had our mail forwarded to my Kentucky farm when he came with me that Christmas to spend the first Christmas at my farm until I kicked him out & back to California a few weeks later). The letter from the IRS said it was the second letter & a response was required within 10 days or action would be taken. I had never even seen or heard of another letter.....my husband never said anything or mentioned anything & it had to have come at the time when I was back in California just before coming back to KY to close on my farm. Anger...you betcha......if he had told me at the time he got the letter, I had the money to pay the taxes, but by the time I got the second letter, I had put the money into fixing up the farm. Oh yea, he remembered getting the letter 10 months before & just never bothered to tell me about it & never bothered to communicate to the IRS either. In his normal way of handling things, he sticks his head in the sand thinking that if he doesn't bother to take care of it, it will just go away. Unfortunately, that had always been his attitude about everything our whole marriage, so it was just another part of why I couldn't stand him & had absolutely no love for him for all those years.

I managed to go through the taxes & figure out exactly what he had done wrong. Some of it was wrong on the IRS part & I got them to reverse that amount but the huge amount was all about his wrong accounting on the owing of the tax on the inheritance that was money that hadn't had taxes paid on it in the first place (sort of like the 401K's).....even though it's inheritance, if income tax hadn't been paid on the money, as soon as it's disbursed, the tax is owed. I got most of the penalties written off except for the ones for not having paid the tax. They informed me that as soon as the tax is paid in full, I can ask to have that penalty removed.

They ended up agreeing to a payment arrangement which I will probably be paying for at least 10 years. Since we were splitting the responsibility (he's at least paying the interest & covering the penalty if I can't get it written off) & we didn't have the money to pay the amount, I made him take out his retirement fund early which just covered the amount & gave him a few dollars a month extra since in divorce 1/2 of it would be mine anyway & he needed to take some responsibility for not having told me when I had the cash to pay it off with.

It was just another issues that proved how much I couldn't trust him to take care of anything correctly or communicate with me. It was a good thing he was in California when I got that letter because if he had been living with me.....not sure what I would have done.....but it wouldn't have been a good thing. I never understood the comment about being so angry you can see red, but every time I had anything to do with my husband, he pushed my buttons & my anger to that point.

I'm glad you don't have the conflicts with your spouse that I had with my husband. It's hard enough getting through the rough spots when you get along, but when you can't stand the person, it makes it impossible.

I am sure that the tax payer advocate will be able to help you figure out how to handle the situation. They give you all the necessary information & were very kind & helpful to me.

[notz]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate every single word. Your experience and ideas have been helpful.

I think spouse and I have been naive to think we could keep this house. We've lived here over 20 years and it's understandable we would not consider leaving it.

It's 2 weeks to foreclosure. If we sold it cheap enough, maybe we could get good equity. (It's in a desirable part of town) Certainly better if we had time to properly market it. We really should have done this months ago, but we didn't, and we can't worry about what's done.

I have more thoughts on this, but I must return to getting my resume out today. I spotted a job that I have a good skill set for. These type of jobs never stay there for long, so I must strike while the iron is hot.

Much weight has been lifted off of me by posting here. A genuine thank you to you all.

[lynn P.]

Best of luck Notz and I pray some good job opportunities will come up for you and your partner.

[notz]

Well, we bit the bullet and went to visit spouse's parents to ask for a loan. It was bittersweet. Their daughter has always been the "golden child". Straight's A's, valedictorian high school, college...just a blow in the gut for her mom, in particular. Just a whole lot of disappointment and sadness.

They agreed to loan us 1/2 of what we need. We're not complaining. We're grateful, very grateful that they can help. We know we have to ask other members of our families. My parent's died years ago and I have 2 sisters who I hope can help us...but who knows? It's all very humbling.

When we got behind on the mortgage we applied for and failed the Home Modification Loan with the government. We've managed to turn a few things around, and will try again. It would help us so much if we could get it.

We refinanced our house 10 years ago for a better rate at a 15 year mortgage. The plan was to have it paid off in less than 5 years from now. *sigh* We have a lot of equity and we don't want to lose the house and we really don't want to have to sell it in a depressed market.

The economy and job losses have taken a huge toll on us (and many others). Time will tell what happens next. Thank you for listening.

[heefman]

Hey Notz -

Sorry for what you are going through, I went through the same thing about 3 years ago. My wife and I actually did end up losing our house, the bank agreed to a modification, but we were both employed through a temp agency at the time and apparently they couldn't work with that. We ended up moving out of state to make a fresh start, which was scary at first but now I am very glad we did. I was finally able to get a job back in the financial industry, and now things are finally starting to look up. Don't give up hope, you will get back on your feet again.

Brian

[notz]

An update:

We got the foreclosure sale date postponed for 30 days.

We have a private buyer interested in the house...someone we know personally.

We're very close to filing the 3 years of tax returns...spouse's little secret...I'm gonna be angry about that for awhile.

We'll be in better shape for a loan modification. We can hope.

Now, we need any job with a W-2 attached.

Thanks to everyone, especially the ones who know who they are.

[splitimage]

Notz,

I'm really glad that you got the foreclosure postponned and may have a private buyer. That way you may get out with some equity.

Glad you got the tax filings underway - that's a big job.

Know that I'm thinking of you, and hoping that you are able to find a job.

--splitimage

[notz]

My oldest sister has agreed to loan us the remainder of the money to get us current on our mortgage. I no more told her of our dilemma and she said, "How much do you need? I'll transfer it to your account tomorrow". I lost it, I started crying. I was feeling the love, I was so feeling the love. She didn't hesitate for one minute. Told us not to worry about paying her back until we were in a position to do so.

Of course, this doesn't solve all our problems, but it is a way we can go if we don't qualify for any of the available modification programs. And I hear there's a new program coming down the pipe to help the unemployed stay in their house longer. We have a few days of breathing room to map out our next course of action.

It's helped a lot to write about our financial woes here. The support is appreciated, more than you know.

[Typo]

Sending loads more hugs to you and your family hun, still carrying y'all in my thoughts

[splitimage]

Notz,

That's so great that your sister offered to loan you the money. It's a great feeling when family come through for you. I'm still on severence from my last job, but that'll run out in Dec. or Jan. if I'm frugal between now and then. But I start collecting Employment insurance in Dec. But it's only $1,600 a month which will basically cover my rent and meds, I'll have to supplement with savings if I haven't found a job. But my brother when I was talking to him this passed weekend offered to help out financially if I need it. I hope I wont' need it, but it's nice to kow that the offers there.

Thinking about you.

splitimage