[tryinghard973]

Adderall
Herion
Bupe
Meth
Special K
Extacy
Cocaine
Benzos
Painkillers
Alcohol

I would love to hear from addicts like myself. Your drug of choice and how it had affected your mental health. I hope it helps other addicts like myself who struggle with addiction along with mental illness. Its a double whammy, we arent perfect, we make mistakes but try to pick ourselves back up again if we can. Whenever someone is struggling they can look at this page and see what addicts along with mental illness go through and maybe think twice before they use. Being an addict sucks, but being an addict and a person with mental health issues sucks too. Thanks for posting, your not only helping me but could be saving someone elses too. Thank you so much..

[losinghope]

Hi, tryinghard973,
Yes, being an addict with mental health issues suck. And I know that my mental health issues came first. But the drugs and alcohol and cutting certainly didn't help. Now that I have fallen back into the drug pit, I remember how hard it was to get out the first time; hoping I can get my s*** together. It is hard to retain anything you study when you're high. When you crash you just don't want to study at all. And I work my ***** to get good grades. I am afraid I am going to ruin my life.

[Altered Moment]

I have suffered from severe depression my whole life. Now anxiety has been added to the mix. The depression started before I started using. I have the double whammy because both mental illness and alcoholism run rampant on both sides of my family. I have both genetically I believe. I self medicated and I used because I have an addictive personality.

My drug of choice was more of anything I could get my hands on. Primarily alcohol because I liked that high the most. My tolerance to alcohol dropped at an early age, in my twenties. I could drink a six pack and be **** faced. I started getting really tired of all the stupid things I did in black outs that I would have to hear about the next day. So I started trying to quit the alcohol. Best I did was six months but I was smoking pot more and more and more. Pretty soon the pot didn't pack the punch and I went back to alcohol. Then I discovered cocaine. I could drink a ton and not get drunk on cocaine. Then the trend in CA went from cocaine to meth. I never did like the high from cocaine that much. It just made you want to keep doing it. I loved the high from meth. I loved the motivation the euphoria everything about it. I had discovered the perfect anti depressant. Then there was the come downs. Sleeping three days straight on the weekends and eating tons of sugar to recover. Then Monday morning snort a line, go to work, and start the whole thing all over again. The come downs started getting so bad and I was getting psychosis while on it that I lost a job I had had for eleven years. Right away I got a new job. I had always been a plumbing foreman and was very good at it. The new job lasted three weeks and I got fired for missing to much work. I went into a major depression at this point. I was so ashamed I got up and pretended I was going to work for a week. I would go sleep in my truck for awhile and wait until my wife went to work and then go back home. She didn't know I lost my job until no paycheck showed up and I had to come clean. That was my bottom.

As long as I could maintain my job and do good I was ok. Getting fired from two jobs shattered me. My wife talked me into going to see a psychiatrist for the depression and I started taking Effexor. Of course they all told me I needed to get clean. The scariest thought I have ever had was imagining going the rest of my life without alcohol. My wife an family kept telling me I needed to go to rehab.

One day laying in bed deeply depressed I decided they were right and I called a rehab center and told them I wanted to check in. I believe in fact I know that it was at that moment the obsession to drink and use left me. Two weeks into rehab I went into what is called amphetamine post acute withdrawal syndrome. They took me 5150 to a mental hospital. I spent three weeks there. I didn't want to be there and didn't think there was anything wrong with me. It was like a full blown manic episode. This episode lasted over a year with alot of psychosis.

I went to three AA meetings a day as soon as they let me drive again. I stayed on Effexor the whole time plus the halidol they gave me for that first year. I believe the Effexor helped me a great deal in making the decision to go to treatment. I got heavily involved in AA and eventually Alanon. I kept seeing my pdoc. I went to therapy and group therapy. The best group I have ever been to was a dual diagnosis group. I was full bore into recovery for many years. This all happened in 1995 and I have been clean and sober ever since. I have slacked off on meetings and recovery stuff in recent years.

What sucks is I still have depression big time. I have very treatment resistant cyclical severe depression and anxiety. That is the battle I am fighting today. It has gotten much worse in recent years. After I got sober I went back to work in plumbing and did very very well up until a year and a half ago. My depression has gotten so much worse I have not been able to work. The saga continues......it is a very difficult battle the whole thing. I have to say though that once I committed to getting clean and committed to AA staying clean and sober has not been hard at all. I have had tough moments where I wanted to use but not that often. I can honestly say the obsession was removed. It can still come back however I have no doubt.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by tryinghard973

Adderall
Herion
Bupe
Meth
Special K
Extacy
Cocaine
Benzos
Painkillers
Alcohol

I would love to hear from addicts like myself. Your drug of choice and how it had affected your mental health. I hope it helps other addicts like myself who struggle with addiction along with mental illness. Its a double whammy, we arent perfect, we make mistakes but try to pick ourselves back up again if we can. Whenever someone is struggling they can look at this page and see what addicts along with mental illness go through and maybe think twice before they use. Being an addict sucks, but being an addict and a person with mental health issues sucks too. Thanks for posting, your not only helping me but could be saving someone elses too. Thank you so much..

drugs of choice:
alcohol
talwin
oxycontin
percocet
flexoril
marijuana
cocaine
xanax
vicodin

i started using alcohol at 16 when my parents divorced, up until then i was a model student, despite the physical,verbal and emotional abuse. as a child growing up neither of my parents ever kissed or hugged me, but if i did anything wrong ..boy did i ever get it! part of this may have laid the groundwork for the severe BPD that i suffer from today. as i got older i started to experiment with marijuana and i liked the high. as a kid i always cared about making my parents happy regardless of the abuse, as i started using i didn't give a f*** anymore about making them happy, it became about me, making myself happy, experiencing life and exploring what was out there. i never knew i was going to get addicted to anything (that kind of ***** happens to other people, not me, right!) i broke away at 18 and got my own place and never looked back..i loved to party and being free and the girls i met introduced me to the different types of pills and cocaine, it's a different lifestyle that once you get into it it's very hard to get out of. the all night partying, the girls, the sex ,the drugs. it's a lot of fun till you wake up one day and realize you have a problem and everything is falling apart around you. i got my first dui in 2004 in michigan they had just dropped the legal limit to .08
i blew a .27, more than 3 times the legal limit. when the state trooper stopped me and asked me to get out the car, i got out and fell down ( i thought aw *****, i'm going to jail) he probably saved my life that night by stopping me, but i hadn't learned my lesson yet, when you're an addict you really have to hit bottom hard to stop. 2 dui's later still couldn't quit with 3 on the books. started using other drugs harder and still drinking. once you realize you're hooked some days you want to quit other you just don't give a d*mn, you just want to get high. anything and everything can give you and excuse. it's friday. my girl pissed me off. it's the super bowl , i wanna get laid, whatever it;s still all excuses and you know it but you tell yourself it's ok, i'll try to quit again tomorrow, it's like a never ending cycle you can' get out of. some days i wish i never started this *****, others i look back at all the fun i had and crazy ***** i've done. there is never a dull moment being an addict that's for sure, one thing i can say is we do live life to the fullest, but it seems we can never really be happy. i think at the end of the day that's all any of us have ever really wanted was to be happy & that's why we started this ***** in the first place. the first time i tried addivan i was drinking and fighting with a girlfriend(verbally, i would never hit a woman) i took off in a rage, black out while driving and wrecked my car on some train tracks. being an addict is dangerous business, more than one time i almost died. for someone who's never used i would say, don't do it. for those of us that already do,it's never too late and don't give up hope, our time will come. when you're ready you'll know it and you'll quit. no one can make that decision for you not the courts, not your family, not your gf/bf husband or wife..it has to be you. being an addict is a hard life, whatever your drug of choice dominates your thoughts.
at times it takes over, i wouldn't wish it on anyone, but i have no regrets over anything i've done.if i could do it all over would i have never done it? no i can't say that, but that's just me i'm just trying2survive hope this helps!

[tryinghard973]

I first had my first pychosis from adderall. I was but on 60mg xr and it was all over from there. I never was into uppers, never liked cocaine, never liked alcohol, and then I discovered opiates. I started with percs then roxys and before you know it I was shooting heroin. I feel like the opiates really put my mind at ease. The withdrawal sucks so I went on suboxone which I did very good on. I started drinking about 2 years ago after I quit heroin. I was drinking about 15 beers a day and before you know it I was in the hospital again from pychosis. It was then that I got off the suboxone because I was outta my mind. So when i came outta the hospital I was clean off bupe and everything. I stopped taking my meds and im trying to beat whatever i have. The hospital says they cant get a diagnoses on me because i wasnt without substance abuse for a long period of time. So since november I have been depressed, racing thoughts, major anxiety, paranoia at times. So i went back to the docs for some subutex. I knew since I was without opiates that it would get me ripped. He also gave me xanax bars which i rarely take. I will not catch a benzo habbit. I have only used 2 xanex within about 2 or 3 weeks. The subutex is a different story. I started sniffing them which made me more active. I could clean my house, I just have more energy. I feel lke the subutex helps with my depression and ive read many articles where people take bupe for depression. I havent taken any today because im debating whether its worth it or not. I want the same feelings they gave me before i built up a tolerance. Its so hard for me to just take them when i have a craving because Im an addict and I know they will get me in the long run.

[shortandcute]

My main drug of choice is alcohol. I didn't get into other drugs so much, but I do struggle with food addiction--ANd other things, like compulsive spending, etc., and I used to smoke alot, too; I used to smoke 5 packs a day before I quit. It was my mental illness that opened the door for those addictive behaviors. I heard that those of us with MI have a higher rate of alcoholism and/or addiction. It does suck.

[atomicc]

Drugs of choice in order of preference:
Alcohol
Vicodin
Cocaine
Xanax

I have suffered from severe anxiety and intense emotions for long before I had my diagnoses, during this time I turned to alcohol and drugs to try and get my emotions under check. I thought I'd be more normal that way, but I'd only end up exasperating my symptoms. To be honest I still do this. It just hurts so much sometimes I can't imagine a life completely sober, it's too scary. My emotions are too intense. I am a child of addicts and I don't know where if I'd be in the same place if I didn't have mental illness.
I guess I'll never know. But I am proud of where I am. I have kicked my vicodin addiction and haven't touched the stuff in years. I haven't done coke since before I lost my best friend, we always did it together. It wouldn't seem right now, her drug addiction is what led to her murder.

[tryinghard973]

download (3).jpg

This is what ive been taking. It helps for the opiate cravings. I use to be on suboxone but this is the first time ive tried subutex. I think the naltraxone in the soboxone kinda gave me a headache. These I fine are much better but everyone is different.

[Celebrate8]

Hi, I just commented on one of your other posts and will reiterate what I said here about exercise and diet. I was an alcoholic/drug addict from age 15-35. Wow that's 20 years. I just realized that. I have almost 3 years sober. It was my crutch. I couldn't be social without it. I made it my mission at the end of last summer to become comfortable in my own skin. Whatever that meant. I started looking at all of my issues and decided to tackle each one separately. I started by seeing medical Doctors/Specialists. I tackled everything. I soon realized that all these "Medical" Doctors wanted to do was prescribe "Medicine" Then it hit me, "DUH, they are MEDICAL Doctors, that is what they do. The last thing I wanted to do was get hooked on some legal drug. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went to physical therapy, massage therapy, psychotherapy, read books, and watched videos from the library. As a result I stared exercising and eating a whole foods, mostly raw, vegan diet. I was shocked, but within the first week I started feeling better. Soon I was loosing weight and feeling good about myself. After all this time and effort all it took was getting healthy to feel comfortable in my own skin. No doctors, no medicine, no ********. Just healthy clean living. It has changed my life and I will never go back. I urge you to try it. Get some books from the library or do research online. There's lots of info out there. Again, good luck. You will be just fine. Take control of your destiny now, you won't regret it.

[tryinghard973]

Originally Posted by Celebrate8

Hi, I just commented on one of your other posts and will reiterate what I said here about exercise and diet. I was an alcoholic/drug addict from age 15-35. Wow that's 20 years. I just realized that. I have almost 3 years sober. It was my crutch. I couldn't be social without it. I made it my mission at the end of last summer to become comfortable in my own skin. Whatever that meant. I started looking at all of my issues and decided to tackle each one separately. I started by seeing medical Doctors/Specialists. I tackled everything. I soon realized that all these "Medical" Doctors wanted to do was prescribe "Medicine" Then it hit me, "DUH, they are MEDICAL Doctors, that is what they do. The last thing I wanted to do was get hooked on some legal drug. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went to physical therapy, massage therapy, psychotherapy, read books, and watched videos from the library. As a result I stared exercising and eating a whole foods, mostly raw, vegan diet. I was shocked, but within the first week I started feeling better. Soon I was loosing weight and feeling good about myself. After all this time and effort all it took was getting healthy to feel comfortable in my own skin. No doctors, no medicine, no ********. Just healthy clean living. It has changed my life and I will never go back. I urge you to try it. Get some books from the library or do research online. There's lots of info out there. Again, good luck. You will be just fine. Take control of your destiny now, you won't regret it.

But have you ever dealt with delusions?

[Celebrate8]

I have BPD so yes. and I have C-PTSD and OCD. Yay me!

[Celebrate8]

Yes my delusions have taken me a very long time to concur. I have had a myriad of them. I related greatly to your other post about social anxiety. See what I posted there.

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by Celebrate8

As a result I stared exercising and eating a whole foods, mostly raw, vegan diet. I was shocked, but within the first week I started feeling better. Soon I was loosing weight and feeling good about myself. After all this time and effort all it took was getting healthy to feel comfortable in my own skin. No doctors, no medicine, no ********. Just healthy clean living. It has changed my life and I will never go back. I urge you to try it. Get some books from the library or do research online. There's lots of info out there. Again, good luck. You will be just fine. Take control of your destiny now, you won't regret it.

That may have worked for you and that is great but that doesn't work for a lot of people. Of course I would encourage TryingHard or anyone else to eat a healthy diet and exercise. But most often it is the case that that doesn't cure it. It has never cured my depression. Some of us need meds and therapy. I have been clean and sober 18 years but that didn't stop the depression. In my case I believe the depression is deeply ingrained genetically and biologically and diet and exercise just don't cut it. And I don't think that diet and exercise alone is going to help someone who is having psychosis. I am sorry I am rather sensitive on the matter because I can not tell you how many times people have told me that if I would just change my diet and exercise my depression would go away. Doesn't work that way for me.

I am very glad it worked for you.

[tryinghard973]

Originally Posted by Celebrate8

I have BPD so yes. and I have C-PTSD and OCD. Yay me!

Originally Posted by Celebrate8

Yes my delusions have taken me a very long time to concur. I have had a myriad of them. I related greatly to your other post about social anxiety. See what I posted there.

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

That may have worked for you and that is great but that doesn't work for a lot of people. Of course I would encourage TryingHard or anyone else to eat a healthy diet and exercise. But most often it is the case that that doesn't cure it. It has never cured my depression. Some of us need meds and therapy. I have been clean and sober 18 years but that didn't stop the depression. In my case I believe the depression is deeply ingrained genetically and biologically and diet and exercise just don't cut it. And I don't think that diet and exercise alone is going to help someone who is having psychosis. I am sorry I am rather sensitive on the matter because I can not tell you how many times people have told me that if I would just change my diet and exercise my depression would go away. Doesn't work that way for me.

I am very glad it worked for you.

Well good luck to you guys. Im not using and I had an episode last night, at anout 6am. I couldnt sleep because of my thoughts but ni signs of delusion or pychosis and today Im feeling a little better. Trying to keep myself busy around the house.

[cocktailAnnie]

I've lost my son to alcohol and mental health issues, denial and an enabling father.

[tryinghard973]

Originally Posted by cocktailAnnie

I've lost my son to alcohol and mental health issues, denial and an enabling father.

What happened if you dont mind me asking,

[tryinghard973]

Well im writing this because this is a huge part of my addiction. Im 36 and still live with my parents. I just really hope it helps someone if read.

I feel pretty good today, I mean I went to the store. No meds at all today. I feel pretty dam good. Last night I took 4mg of xanax but I def wont take any today. Im def not abusing the benzos. I took a couple bumps of bupe last night and it only made me paranoid a little. The sick thing is I dont really withdrawl from bupe, ive done it in the past and it was minor, even after a 4 year maitenence program.

Right now I should be content about how I feel but now its getting to the point where I feel I cant do anything without a lil something. Thats the behaviors of addiction. It sucks, I recognize it yet I still yearn for it I know ill get some resonses like you gotta hit rock bottom to really stop. Nope ive been at rock bottom many times. Its just with the bi polar and addiction its difficult when ur moods are all over the place.

Ill check back later...

[tryinghard973]

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...ted-daily.html

I started a new thread in the big polar section. I went to therapy today post on it. It s going to be a daily thread I get confused with all these diff types of forums. I had some goods things and bad things happened to me today. Comment and I'll reply maybe it will help others too

[tryinghard973]

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...ted-daily.html

Please subscribe to this thread it will be updated daily.. You guys have great advice and can really help people

Originally Posted by Celebrate8

I have BPD so yes. and I have C-PTSD and OCD. Yay me!

Originally Posted by Celebrate8

Yes my delusions have taken me a very long time to concur. I have had a myriad of them. I related greatly to your other post about social anxiety. See what I posted there.

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

That may have worked for you and that is great but that doesn't work for a lot of people. Of course I would encourage TryingHard or anyone else to eat a healthy diet and exercise. But most often it is the case that that doesn't cure it. It has never cured my depression. Some of us need meds and therapy. I have been clean and sober 18 years but that didn't stop the depression. In my case I believe the depression is deeply ingrained genetically and biologically and diet and exercise just don't cut it. And I don't think that diet and exercise alone is going to help someone who is having psychosis. I am sorry I am rather sensitive on the matter because I can not tell you how many times people have told me that if I would just change my diet and exercise my depression would go away. Doesn't work that way for me.

I am very glad it worked for you.

Originally Posted by cocktailAnnie

I've lost my son to alcohol and mental health issues, denial and an enabling father.

[tryinghard973]

Originally Posted by Celebrate8

Hi, I just commented on one of your other posts and will reiterate what I said here about exercise and diet. I was an alcoholic/drug addict from age 15-35. Wow that's 20 years. I just realized that. I have almost 3 years sober. It was my crutch. I couldn't be social without it. I made it my mission at the end of last summer to become comfortable in my own skin. Whatever that meant. I started looking at all of my issues and decided to tackle each one separately. I started by seeing medical Doctors/Specialists. I tackled everything. I soon realized that all these "Medical" Doctors wanted to do was prescribe "Medicine" Then it hit me, "DUH, they are MEDICAL Doctors, that is what they do. The last thing I wanted to do was get hooked on some legal drug. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went to physical therapy, massage therapy, psychotherapy, read books, and watched videos from the library. As a result I stared exercising and eating a whole foods, mostly raw, vegan diet. I was shocked, but within the first week I started feeling better. Soon I was loosing weight and feeling good about myself. After all this time and effort all it took was getting healthy to feel comfortable in my own skin. No doctors, no medicine, no ********. Just healthy clean living. It has changed my life and I will never go back. I urge you to try it. Get some books from the library or do research online. There's lots of info out there. Again, good luck. You will be just fine. Take control of your destiny now, you won't regret it.

Originally Posted by atomicc

Drugs of choice in order of preference:
Alcohol
Vicodin
Cocaine
Xanax

I have suffered from severe anxiety and intense emotions for long before I had my diagnoses, during this time I turned to alcohol and drugs to try and get my emotions under check. I thought I'd be more normal that way, but I'd only end up exasperating my symptoms. To be honest I still do this. It just hurts so much sometimes I can't imagine a life completely sober, it's too scary. My emotions are too intense. I am a child of addicts and I don't know where if I'd be in the same place if I didn't have mental illness.
I guess I'll never know. But I am proud of where I am. I have kicked my vicodin addiction and haven't touched the stuff in years. I haven't done coke since before I lost my best friend, we always did it together. It wouldn't seem right now, her drug addiction is what led to her murder.

Originally Posted by shortandcute

My main drug of choice is alcohol. I didn't get into other drugs so much, but I do struggle with food addiction--ANd other things, like compulsive spending, etc., and I used to smoke alot, too; I used to smoke 5 packs a day before I quit. It was my mental illness that opened the door for those addictive behaviors. I heard that those of us with MI have a higher rate of alcoholism and/or addiction. It does suck.

Starting a new thread, gonna list the meds I'll be taking and how I am feeling. Also daily updates on how I'm feeling and what goals I'm starting with.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...ted-daily.html

[Altered Moment]

Well you may get confused on all these thread and sections but you sure do have the quoting part down and that is not easy.

At the age of 50 I am now living with my parents too. After working from the age of 14 to 49. Leaving home at 19 and living on my own all those years. Self supporting. The depression has kicked my *** so much in recent years here I am. Big blow to pride and ego.

There is no shame in living with our parents and reaching out to family. We are very lucky to have family. I would be homeless without them. Many people don't have family as part of their support network.

There is no shame in living with our parents. (I know I said it twice, I did it on purpose) We have serious very debilitating diseases.

I think we will both be out on our own sometime in the future. One day at a time.

[tryinghard973]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

Well you may get confused on all these thread and sections but you sure do have the quoting part down and that is not easy.

At the age of 50 I am now living with my parents too. After working from the age of 14 to 49. Leaving home at 19 and living on my own all those years. Self supporting. The depression has kicked my *** so much in recent years here I am. Big blow to pride and ego.

There is no shame in living with our parents and reaching out to family. We are very lucky to have family. I would be homeless without them. Many people don't have family as part of their support network.

There is no shame in living with our parents. (I know I said it twice, I did it on purpose) We have serious very debilitating diseases.

I think we will both be out on our own sometime in the future. One day at a time.

Lol I hear ya. Please post on my thread. I'm doing it in sections. I'm 36 and still live with my parents. You have great advice so I wanna hear what u have to say, hey maybe we can help someone out. My therapy session went good. Last night I took a pen of zyprexa, very little dose and I woke up with no paranoia or anxiety. I'm now seeing how big polar I am. Ever since I joined mood tracker I can really see my moods. I can actually feel when my mood change is coming on. I cycle so fast.

[monstermash]

I have been with an addict for almost 2 years. I tried supporting him in his efforts to turn his life around, but he keeps relapsing even in the suboxone program. Though we are very understanding of each others issues, we decided to take a break from our relationship. It is so hard to see him like this and I don't want to be an enabler. I don't think I can handle the pain he is causing me anymore. He suffers from anxiety and depression just as I do and we tried supporting each other in our positive efforts to make ourselves better. Looking back though I don't think he was ever really clean. Though most of the time he wasn't doing heroin he was using some sort of opiate, benzo, or alcohol to cope with his issues. We both had alcoholic fathers and a dysfunctional family. I feel so heartless and guilty disconnecting from him but I need to take care of myself. I totally understand why he uses and am slightly jealous. I wish I could use and cut and whatever else but I am terrified that if I take that first step I will never come back. I am really struggling right now and just wanted to tell someone cause I cannot tell family or friends. thanks for reading.

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by monstermash

I have been with an addict for almost 2 years. I tried supporting him in his efforts to turn his life around, but he keeps relapsing even in the suboxone program. Though we are very understanding of each others issues, we decided to take a break from our relationship. It is so hard to see him like this and I don't want to be an enabler. I don't think I can handle the pain he is causing me anymore. He suffers from anxiety and depression just as I do and we tried supporting each other in our positive efforts to make ourselves better. Looking back though I don't think he was ever really clean. Though most of the time he wasn't doing heroin he was using some sort of opiate, benzo, or alcohol to cope with his issues. We both had alcoholic fathers and a dysfunctional family. I feel so heartless and guilty disconnecting from him but I need to take care of myself. I totally understand why he uses and am slightly jealous. I wish I could use and cut and whatever else but I am terrified that if I take that first step I will never come back. I am really struggling right now and just wanted to tell someone cause I cannot tell family or friends. thanks for reading.

I am very sorry you are struggling. Opiate addict have by far the highest rate of relapse and no you cannot save his. Has he been going to NA or AA?

You might to check out Adult Children of Alcoholics. There is a section in this forum but it is not very active. I am sure there are other forums and there are meetings. My dad is an alcoholic. I am a recovering alcoholic/addict and got sober in AA. I went to Alanon for many years to deal with my dysfunctional family issues and codependant issues. Alanon is an excellent program. Your odds are very high that your next relationship will be with another alcoholic/addict. I have seen it over and over again. I don't understand it but that is how it works. Unless you address these issues.

This site is great for depression and anxiety and psyche meds. check out those sections for yourself. We would love to have you. Or maybe you already have.

[broadcity]

I like your polar bear! Haha! I feel that way today... Drugs complicate everything it seems and love especially should me more simple... the suboxone is a somewhat new thing (I quit H in 1998 without methodone) I'm not sure suboxone doesn't just prolong the inevitable. A close family member recently quit H as well and she was on suboxone while staying at my home "trying to get clean" and I felt like she was still way too f'd up to trust and now that she's really clean and back in school she's apologized and admitted that my suspicions were correct at that time. She said she was not really clean until she really decided to quit and that when she did make that decision: going on suboxone wasn't anything that she thought would help. She did however thank me for taking her in a second time and setting her up with a new life where H wasn't even accessible. I found through my experience that getting as far away as possible from the "people, places and things" makes all the difference. I left the country for 3 months and when I moved back everyone I did drugs with was dead or in jail. I've been off H for 19 years now and I only think about relapsing occasionally when I'm really depressed and have suicidal ideation but even then I think I'd rather be dead than be an heroin addict again... and the urge passes. Good luck. I think you're already on the right track. Perhaps a ticket to Argentina would help you too? Whatever you need to do to stop is the right thing to do is what I'm trying to say I guess. Get yourself straight and there will be something better for you waiting around the corner, give it time, you'll see.