Daily addiction check in #1

I take temazepam to sleep, but can't refill my prescription until Monday...I've been having sleeping problems for quite some time - getting only 3-5 hours a night despite the sleeper. While I was able to fall asleep on my own at 10:00 tonight, my phone rang at 12:30 am. It was a guy new to AA that I've talked to on the phone on three occasions & took out for coffee once (he'd asked me for my number a few weeks ago at a meeting). Anyways, this guy is having domestic issues & was contemplating going out for a bottle before liquor sales stop at 2:00 am. I'm not sure if I need to set boundaries, because he calls me everytime he wants to go out drinking (usually after midnight), but isn't going to meetings. I'll correct that...I'm picking him up for a meeting tomorrow at 10:00 am, but it will be his first meeting in three weeks. I told him he's got to start going to meetings again so he can drop some of his crap at the tables rather than letting it build up like it did tonight. There...I've just ranted like he was ranting to me...

I feel resentful because I'm now awake & probably will be until morning. I have no temazepam & if my sleep cycles get even shorter I'll end up in a bad space (I have bipolar disorder). I shouldn't feel resentful about this guy, as he's a blackout drinker just like I was. It also sounds like his domestic situation is much like mine was with my ex-wife when I stopped drinking...when you can't maintain self-control, you sometimes wind up being controlled by others. Man! I don't need or want a drink right now...I just need some sleep. I was sleeping so damned soundly when the phone rang. I guess that's just the cost of "giving it back" sometimes. Rant finished...

I think it is time that you tell this man gently that he has to find another "sponsor" that you did not realize that you were not prepared to be ALL-IN for him when he needs someone the most and for him that happens to be after midnight.

If you are not a sponsor to him but just a friend it benefits both of you if you set some boundries. Like say what I mentioned above...that you are sorry that you can not be the person he calls when he needs someone the most but he can call anytime before 10pm and that you still like attending meetings with him and getting to know him.

This is not a "him" problem, his drinking and his trying to stop and his calling someone when he needs them are all suggestions that he is using...he just needs some more and different people to call to suit the need that arises.

In order for these relationships to work and for no guilt to be anywhere...we have to remember it is an honest program.

I found honesty in AA brought me the deepest, longest connections.

I was just ranting last night. If he'd been going to meetings I wouldn't have minded him calling quite so much, but since he hasn't, I don't know how much I can offer. He just called me (7:45) & told me he's not going to go to the morning meeting I was going to give him a ride to. I told him to keep in touch & that I'm willing to take him to a meeting any time I can. I didn't mean to sound like a jerk last night...This lack of sleep is just frustrating. Thanks for the advice, Misssy.

Have to take care of you first or you may not be able to help anyone!

I don't think you sounded like a jerk. You just don't sound "available" to be there for someone at any time of any day whether they go to meetings or not. When we offer to help someone that doesn't mean they have to follow any particular rules of ours..it means that we literally are in place that we are ready to help someone.

If you struggle with sleep (as I do)...you should be your number 1 priority and this person should be passed on to someone who is ready for this kind of newbie stuff....

ps. I was in AA for 8 years a daily member of many groups.
I shared often and many people asked me to sponsor them....I said no because I knew I couldn't handle the responsibility nor did I have the availability to be of good service to them (answering their calls when they needed me).

I also declined giving out my phone number to anyone (even on group lists). I did however, stay after meetings to talk, give people rides...things that I COULD handle.

I knew my limits is all I'm saying.

Thanks for the advice, notz & Misssy. Missy, your comment is one I should take heed of. I share at meetings that I suffer from depression (don't tell them about BP), & I sometimes isolate for months at a time. Since I go to the same meetings each week, the regulars are all aware of this, as I become almost agorophobic at times. I make my sponsees aware of this going into it, too - generally suggesting that they call other people as well & referring to myself as a "temporary sponsor," or a "trusted friend." When feeling OK I don't usually have problems, but I know my limitations, just as you do, Misssy. There's a part of me, however, that wants to deny that I'm BP & that it will not happen again. It's strange how I don't deny my alcoholism, but want to deny my BP.

It is strange..I also acknowledge I am an alcoholic and struggle with the admission of BP and BPD...

I don't think we have to tell people about our other defects (if that is what we consider them)...but I do think we have to be careful about being impulsive about wanting to help others...when we have some traits about us that make it difficult to help others.

I know I like to deny that I can't help everyone...but I also knew when I was doing really well and sober for 8 years...that I did not want to screw up my sobriety or any GOOD feelings I had going on about myself. I also did not want to impact any one elses sobriety except in the short spurts that I was willing to give.

For my addiction check in today. I am 3 days sober..and it feels good to be not drinking...but I just have a gloom and doom mood going on that I know from experience...the longer you stay sober...the more the gloom passes.

...the more the gloom passes & the more the compulsion to drink subsides. Focus on the day ahead. That's the only one that matters. Congrats on the three days!

my life feels like it is in shambles when I have so much to be grateful for.

And certain triggers over the past 3 years and so many losses make it almost impossible for me to stay sober. At least it feels that way at times.

I try to remember I had 8 years sober and I CAN get thru a lot..but too many life changes have occurred at once and when you are at a point where living is difficult and you don't care if you pass on....drinking eases some of that pain...but causes more pain as anyone knows that drinks...its a vicious cycle.

My cycle has been lately to stay sober about a month and then everything is too heavy on me...I think I will drink for 1 day only and then I go on these long binges. Luckily, for me I haven't been in the hospital for drinking for about 6 months because I am managing to keep my binges to no more than 5 days...but even past 1 day of drinking is dangerous for me and I know that.

Today is a new day with some things to look forward to...drinking is not an issue...today...it is other people, places and things.

Been about a month now since I've had a drink, but God can I use one right now.....

Day 1 sober today. I relapsed again, wound up SI, got drunk and in a fight with bf, friend took me to detox/psyche ward. I have no insurance. I don't know how I'm going to pay for it, probably $6000.00. They didn't give me meds for 3 days. It was a waste of time. Came home and drank for another week. This morning I woke up sick and shaking, planning a beer run and I started to think about my life and how it's getting worse and worse. I decided to wait 20 minutes to get the beer. Then after the 20 minutes was up I decided to wait an hour and so far I've made it all day. I am very sick and I need a drink but I want my life back more. I broke up with bf today bc we always trigger each other to drink. I'll never be able to stay sober if I'm with him.

It sounds like you did so well when you were going to meetings. The portions of your post above show that you learned about gratitude, the powerlessness over people, places & things, etc. I'm just wondering why you don't go back since you were able to stay sober 8 years with the help of AA. Just asking...

My current hero in AA is a woman who lost her husband, her mother after a long illness, her brother, who ODed on heroin, & her dog got run over...All within the space of a year (I know...Hard to believe). She still comes to meetings and has managed to stay sober because of meetings. She always says that meetings give her "a little dose of hope." I don't mean to minimize your issues, but my AA hero demonstrates that sobriety can remain a priority despite adversity, depression & anxiety. I only hope I could stay sober if I someday go through everything she's gone through.

Hang in there...

Congrats on the month!!! I know you're just writing that you can "use one right now." I know that you know better. Those thoughts will subside as you grow in your sobriety. Keep up the good work!

They say you have to "hit bottom" before you decide that you might have a drinking problem. It sounds like you've hit a bottom...So the only way to go is up. One day sober is huge...It sounds like you've been through a lot lately & it would be easy to get a case of the "---- its" & drink over things. Fact is, you're not. You're identifying your triggers & are trying to stay sober just for today. Eventually, if you stay focused on each day of sobriety, you'll dig yourself out & be "happy, joyous & free," believe it, or not. Keep us posted...

I've been clean for a couple of days now. I didn't shoplift today, I bought the things I wanted, felt so proud of myself for resisting the temptation to steal! Felt good for doing an honest thing. Looking forward to my future healing.

I used to shoplift in my teens until I had some demons try to kill me one night in my sleep-for real. Never did it again after that. Plus jail sucks and you will eventually get caught.. Good for you Naiwen.

I'm detoxing really bad. I've got chills running up and down my body, I'm sweating, my kidneys hurt, my stomach is upset, I've no appetite, very thirsty. I forced my self to an AA meeting-it was very inspiring and positive. I forced myself to the grocery store, I could barely make it but I had nothing to eat as I stayed in the house and drank all last week. Is it safe to detox on my own? The hospital didn't even give me any meds for 31/2 days last detox so why go back?

Nice work Naiwen!! That is so awesome to hear. Feeling proud is such a great feeling isn't it? Keep up the great work.

By God, yes! I had tingling feelings inside of me today for paying for the things I truly wanted.

Hi zijax- So happy to hear you made it to an AA meeting and found it helpful. That is great. Sorry to hear your detox is so bad though. I’ve been there when I detoxed from drugs. It will get better. Keep that in mind.

As far as detoxing on your own I’m not sure how safe that is. I’ve heard stories from people that have done it successfully and others that had to go through medical detox because they got seizures.

Great!!! I get those good feelings when I deal with a negative emotion without drugs/alcohol. It's part of what keeps me going.

37 days sober. Still having some difficulty getting to meetings, due to pain issues. I try, I get to the club, and then the closer the meeting gets, the worse the pain gets, and I end up having to leave, because I can't drive while in severe pain... getting really annoyed... now gas is a problem til next month... at a quarter tank, and not sure if I can afford to go to meetings and doc appts... hate having to prioritize things like that...

Congrats on 37 days sober!! That is awesome. Sorry to hear about the pain you are in. That can't be easy at all. Is there any sort of online meetings you could attend until you can get out and about?

A month is good....did you drink?
I hope not.
Drinking s*cks.