Anxiety Daily Check-In Point #3

avoided a potential meltdown over 2 diffrent addresses

had to send something back and the address on the box and the address i found online wwern't the same

i can't help feeling that my latest 2 amazon deliveries have either got lost in the post, or not been dispatched (probably the former)

causing me a little anxiety- even though it's only been 2 days since the delivery date on both orders

heard from amazon.

they can't look in to it until monday (suppose i understand that, but still)

Oh I hate things like that. I already get anxiety everytime I buy stuff that I won't get the delivery. It gives me terrible anxiety. I hope your packages come through for you on Monday.

i hope so too!

it was meant to arive days ago... it is a little worrying

My fear of the dark is returning for no reason.

Going through something lately, and handling it in a new and odd way. Scared of this.

My anxiety has been worse lately. Maybe because I think I can't go outside because of the stairs. I wish I could just go outside and try to walk a little. Try to break the anxiety. And I'm super lonely too.

Very nervous and not sure why. I just took 1/2 a Xanax because I'm trying to avoid the side effects of taking a whole. I hope it helps.

Just took the other 1/2 Xanax. This anxiety is worse than med side effects.

My anxiety has been higher than ever lately. I'm having panic attacks that I'm not even really experiencing outwardly, other than feeling my heart pound and shaking some. It's like I'm dissociating as soon as they start, so I just feel trapped inside screaming. We're supposed to be taking a trip over Labor Day weekend and I'm already having panic attacks about that. I'm supposed to be staying at my parents' house for a week to cat-sit, and I'm panicking about how to make everything work around that. My meds aren't helping anymore and I have no one to talk to about that. I don't know what to do anymore.

Today was good-before i got up in the morning i said that i`ll be strong and things won`t get the better of me,and so it did.I wonder if today will be just as good..i hope so,tho~

I'm so sorry you're going through this. The last time I house sat, I was afraid to go outside because there were a lot of cats and I was afraid they'd go running off. Thankfully, we were all in one piece by the time my friends came home.

Can you take a prn like vistaril? Benzos would be great, but even for a short time could be hard to get off of (depends on everyone's personal experience). I'm sure it will mostly be fine, though.

ETA I forgot to ask whether there's any sort of medical clinic you could get to?

My biggest concern with house sitting is that I will be alone. It's a much longer drive than from my apartment for my bf to get to work, so he can't really stay with me on work nights. And I haven't been alone at night in months, not since my depression started getting worse.

I have benzos, but they're losing their effectiveness. I know it wasn't the best idea, but I took a whole 2mg last night to fight off a panic attack and barely felt any better.

I've been working on getting in with a new therapist and pdoc, but it's been such a slow process. Next week is my second appointment with the therapist, first was a month ago. I think after next week I can schedule an appointment with the pdoc there, but I don't expect that will be anytime soon.

It sounds like this is really bad timing to have to house sit. Did the people whose house it is give you an emergency contact like a next door neighbor? If necessary you could call them for help, just to feed the cats and provide fresh water for them. You could tell your friends whose house it is that you felt like you were coming down with something like a flu. Or, if they know about your mh issues, just be honest about not feeling well enough to get through the time there.

And yes, having the upped dosage of benzo feel like it's not helping isn't a good sign. If possible, I'd start tapering down, to get off of it. Just because you might find they give you a higher dose and then someone pulls the rug out, by refusing to prescribe and you end up hopelessly hooked with no help for it.

It's my parents that I'm house sitting for. I'm hoping my brother can do it instead, I just have such anxiety too about telling my mom I can't! She knows about my MH issues, but not how bad they've gotten. My bf is trying to get me to just tell her that I can't do it without him. Their poor kitties just hate being alone!

I've been taking the benzos as infrequently as I can, maybe 3-4 times a week at most. And I'm currently prescribed 1mg a day, which I rarely go over. As soon as I'm able to get in with with a pdoc I'm going to ask for something less addicting for my anxiety.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

I hope they'll be able to give you a med that helps OK. Unfortunately the most kind of drugs that most people feel better with are the benzos.

My pdoc wants to give me a benzo for bad anxiety, like my phobia of the stairs. I told him how bad it was to come off them cold Turkey in 2013. But I think I might only be able to deal with the stairs alone with a benzo.

Anyway, it's a relief that the house is your parents! I hope your brother can take over for you.

I'm hoping it will work out. I tried to talk to my mom earlier and it caused some problems. I'm waiting to hear back from her so we can try to talk things out.

This is not helping my anxiety though.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

Yes. A few weeks ago my 88 years young mother asked me if the condition I have is excitability. I thought there wasn't any use trying to explain, so in the end I said yeah. But were her ears closed the past times I've been in the hospital?

I love my mom but there are things (practically everything) i just can't talk to her about.

That has to be hard. I've been giving my mom little bits of information about how I am so she doesn't worry, because I know she will. I think our conversation earlier was worse because I didn't say anything until now about not being sure I could do it. It's scary to have to tell her more now, when I've been hiding it so well.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

Yes, i would dread having to say anything even more than I do (hardly ever) because my mom doesn't love me the way she loves my oldest sister. It's just a fact. When I was in the mental ward in April, she actually changed her voice to how she'd talk to a friend or stranger, and asked me if I'd please not upset my sister! And there's been more. She got pretty angry with me when she sounded angry about my fear of the stairs, that "theyd have to put me in a cardboard box and forklift me out of the window", and more. So to forgive all the hurt and sadness i experience, it's just really hard. It was like I never really had a mother.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Thankfully it turns out my mom was more upset that I hadn't been talking to her, not that I backed out last minute. We talked again, and she assured me that she will figure something else out, and that I don't have to stay if I don't think I can. In return she just wanted me to talk to her more, and not to hold back about how I'm doing. It was an emotional day, I'm glad it's almost over.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

It's good to hear that! That your mom loves you that much, and that she will find someone else or whatever. I'm glad; hopefully she can get your brother to help. I hope your evening / night will be better!

He is going to help, and my mom and I have plans to just hang out and talk next week 😊 We didn't have a very good relationship until I was in my 20's, and I have been avoiding her more the worse I've gotten. It's going to be good to catch up.

Now all I have to worry about is work and the trip we're planning. But things are better tonight.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

That's good! Good luck, I hope all your plans work out well. It's pretty fair to say I didn't really call my mother, and she didn't call me, either, for the 1980s and 1990s.
(Deleted stuff)
Sorry, I don't mean to bleed all this into
the thread (!) , it's just pouring out. :/

Don't worry about it I hope my posts didn't trigger anything bad for you about your mom

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk